I terminated stbx insurance, she gets two weeks to find alternate insurance coverage.<p>She calls me a work today ( I don't have caller id) she says this will just take a moment I have one question to ask you, "Can you extend my
coverage so that I can get my tubes tied?"<p>She can't take the pill becasue of her anti-depresson medicane. My answer was hell no I am not going to suppot you while you are having sex with OM. I should of just said no but I lost it.<p>I just got back from puking my guts out in the bathroom, this was a major trigger for me. I feel like complete crap, don't know how I am going to make it through the day at work.

(((((davepr)))))<p>If this weren't so sad, her request would make it to the top 10 laughable questions asked during serious fog!<p>You aren't alone! Hang in there! <p>Gayle

Gayle, it is not even sad anymore, it is disguesting. Apparently she thinks I am some piece of trash that she can continue to walk on everyday. I am doing my best to block all of the holes that allow her to contact me. Any
unkown caller ids at work now go into voice mail, same for the cell phone. I have unidentified calls block at home.<p>- I have now blocked the phone
- I referenced the seperation agreement regarding entering my house when she drops off the children. I have also advised my lawyer.<p>Hopefully the only contact I should have with her is by chance, and I will do everything to avoid that.

Dave,<p>This is going to sound cruel in a way, but I am leaning toward thinking your wife asked this question intentionally to GET to you ... button pushing. There are several other avenues of contraception that are less evasive. <p>You've been pretty non-reaction with her lately, perhaps she wanted to see if she still had access to your buttons, get you to LB, that way her guilt lessens.<p>Just a thought. <p>I apologize if this sounds like I'm saying your wife is manipulative. I was just thinking that having your tubes tied is quite a radical thing to do, and to me, I'd think someone would put alot of thought into it before making a decision. But then again ... there is that dern FOG! ughhh!<p>Lv,
Jo<p>[ April 30, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Jo,<p>"I apologize if this sounds like I'm saying your wife is manipulative."<p>No need to apologize, you are totally correct, she wants to push my buttons and it usually works.
I think that I have this licked, but then she finds another way into me that gets the reaction she wants. I am trying to fill all of holes into my heart but it is like swiss cheese.

Just got this e-mail from her:<p>Look, I am completely sorry, I should not have said that ESP to you. It was just one of my many stupid bleeps in life, don't take it the wrong way and don't blow it out of proportion. I know you and so far you have hung up on me, next you will be calling your lawyer to threaten me w/ something else. I am tired of walking on pins and needles around you and your lawyer, you both make me feel like an incompetent human being and it is much of the reason why I go backwards instead of forwards. I constantly have to be worried about you "changing the rules". It is my experience that every thing I say to you ends up in someone else's ears, which is most of the reason why I just tend to shut you out. Unfortunately this is how I have to view our encounters, they often don't stop at your ears and that scares me.<p>The changing the rules is that I terminated her alimony, wasn't aware of the affair when I signed.
I also dropped her insurance, which is my right under the agreement, she thought I would cover her until we were D.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by davepr:
<strong>My answer was hell no I am not going to suppot you while you are having sex with OM. I should of just said no but I lost it.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I'm still trying to figure out why just saying "no" would have been the better response.<p>How is it better to pretend that you don't have buttons to be pushed? At least your response was honest. So your wife gets a little pleasure out of getting a rise out of you; she pays for that pleasure with guilt, whether she recognizes it or not.<p>Taking steps to remove her access to your buttons makes more sense to me than pretending they don't exist.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by davepr's wife:
<strong>Look, I am completely sorry, I should not have said that ESP to you. It was just one of my many stupid bleeps in life, don't take it the wrong way and don't blow it out of proportion.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Translation: Oops! I may not be able to get away with this one...<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>I know you and so far you have hung up on me, next you will be calling your lawyer to threaten me w/ something else. I am tired of walking on pins and needles around you and your lawyer, you both make me feel like an incompetent human being and it is much of the reason why I go backwards instead of forwards.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Translation: Don't expect me to take any responsibility for my own actions.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>I constantly have to be worried about you "changing the rules". It is my experience that every thing I say to you ends up in someone else's ears, which is most of the reason why I just tend to shut you out. Unfortunately this is how I have to view our encounters, they often don't stop at your ears and that scares me.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Translation: I am ashamed of what I have done and said, so I don't want anyone else to know about it. I wish you would let me do whatever I want to do without there being any consequences.

Good Lord, GDP! You beat me to it .... you pretty much have her nailed.<p>Dave .... <p>Her email to you is riddled with guilt and blame. Do yourself a favor, IGNORE IT. Please, it has no substance, it's pretty much meaningless FOG drival. She starts out apologizing and then rips into you again. <p>The thing about constantly changing the rules, well you explianed that one. Now try and be as consistent as you can, and if that is Plan B, then "NIKE" it! And in the future when there is contact, be a Plan A kinda guy .... as LB-less as possible, k?<p>Lv,
Jo

Ditto what GDP wrote!<p>Her email to you went in one big circle, it started with her and ended with her, while well knowing what she asked would do to you. Her writing truly doesn't make sense and therefore the translation fits to a T! <p>She did a "drive by" and you survived, rattled but survived!<p>Gayle

Thanks everyone, I am rattled but I will survive, my head is pounding, I can't wait to go home.
I only have about 4 hours sleep last night, two sick kids.<p>I thought just saying no would of been a better reply than what I gave, i am trying Plan B except when we have contact I revert to Plan A, my reply was a LB, but was honest. How dare she ask me this. I am trying to remove access to all of my buttons, she really knows how to push them.
I will not reply to her. This is her typically
e-mail to me, start with guilt and then rips me apart and usually finishs with her.<p>Here is an e-mail for a month , same pattern<p>I am completely on the verge of a breakdown right now. Brandon has done nothing but cry I mean scream to the top of his lungs for hours at night. I can not handle it and then have him all day, I am really considering going back to work. If I go into dental I would probably at best have to work 4.5 days a week, there was an office in WF looking for help about 3 weeks ago. I may call them in the morning. I can pick up the kids a couple of nights a week right after work and spend some time w/ them, plus I will have them every Friday 1/2 days. Dr. Wootens office hours were actually not bad, better than Dr. Kinlaws, 8-5 M-Th adn 8-12 on Fridays. If the kids went to a daycare in WF, they wouldn't have to be there too much extra w/ driving time. I just don't know anymore.

RE: Alive after 5, I will to do this. But remember, I work all day too, you certainly have the nerve to think that I need no social life, but there again that is what you have expected of me thoughout the last many years. That I would just stay home and take care of the kids that I don't need a life otherwise. Its no wonder I am having this breakdown, it was bad tonight and I know you don't sympathize w/ me. You will just never understand how bad my imbalance is and what all of these years of me neglecting myself has done to me.

Regarding Alexs birthday party, the answer is no, I am taking both of the kids, I had already planned it, and I knew Emily had already gotten invited. It is not fair that you get to have the kids for all the fun events, I enjoy getting out and having fun w/ them too.

Money is extremely tight, I have an extra 30.00 a month, which is really not extra considering my visa bill. If I take on two more kids I will probably have a nervous breakdown, if the kids go into daycare at least they are learning, and EMily has a "school Circurculum" at daycare. Also, she would not have to go to preschool at St. CAtherines. If I do decide to get a job, and I feel it is not in the best interest for all involved then I can always stop. But, it is getting rather apparent to me that my kids may need more, they are very high strung and needy children, and you know that. At least at daycare they can get on a schedule that is suitable for both of them, plus have the benefit of learning much more than I can teach them if I stay home and take on more kids. Also, I may consider moving at the end of my lease to a townhouse if the rent is not a significant difference. Something w/ upstairs and down. I think this place is too noisy for them at times. These are all things I am considering.

I will consider the life insurance policy I just am not making it. If I have to choose between life ins. and health ins. I will have to do the obvious and pay for health ins. I would think that would be in everyone's best interest, if I die, just throw my body in a ditch, no one will miss me and its as much as I deserve.

I will drop off the kids tomorrow at 6:30, so I can go to the gym, I have not been in a while, I just can't get up in the morning and this medicine makes me tired. But I have to go, Dr. CArr said I really need to w/out esp if I have such a low energy level. I feel like if I go back to work I will get some of my energy back. Do you think if I went back to work it would be that traumatic for the kids, I mean honestly David , with my mental history it may just be in everyone's best interest. Please

Hi Dave-<p>You've already received a lot of very good advice so I won't repeat it. Your wife is trying to manipulate you, she is trying to relieve her guilt by making you the bad guy and at the same time trying to keep you attached. Don't fall for it. So you blew up, we are human. Brush it off and hold tight to your boundaries. This too will pass.<p>K

Just me again. It sure is rough on the WH when they start experiencing the consequences of their actions isn't it? Don't let her get to you!<p>Take care and God bless!
K

Thanks K, I have more will power now than ever before. Problem is that she continues to hurt me so much I seriously question if I could ever take her back. I need to protect myself and my love for her.
Does anyone think she is near bottom or is it just impossible to tell?<p>Take care,
Dave

Another e-mail from her, alot of guilt here.
Should I just let it go?<p>I am a complete loser and i appreciate you reinforcing this issue it certainly helps w/ all my issues to know what a total loser I am. I guess when you look in the mirror you can say you love yourself, I doubt in all my "years" left, if any, I will ever tell myself that. I have lost the respect of many people, it is unfortunate that everyone views my choices as so horrific and you are like always thought to be the better person. With this I have to live with, it saddens me to know that my life has come to this. That you and I have gone through a year of complete hell, which by the way started for me long before last summer, actually 2000 June for that matter if not before, I am happy that you have changed your ways, look how long it took thought, certainly more than a year, perhaps your entire adult life to realize the importance of the people in your life that mattered. I am sorry that I am not the person you married, you are right I don't know myself anymore and every single time I get a step ahead I take 15 steps backwards. I am sorry for my cruel behavior as I have been really trying to overcome such things by complementing others as I would want for myself. Unfortunately, I have never been comfortable w/ complements and probably never will be. I am truly sorry for todays incident and I know assign as my stupid mouth opened I had said the wrong thing, but you on the other hand have got to stop taking things the wrong way. You read to much in to my stupidity and for that I apologize. David,, like I said I am proud of you even though you can not be even ok w/ me. You have done a lot of good things for the kids and they deserve to always have you in their lives, I know you do not feel the same w/ me. That is sad. I guess you will never be able to see how much I love them just the negative I have brought to them. I am a loser and for that i am sorry

ROFL -- for REAL she asked you to take care of her birth control issues, while she has an affair??????????<p>I'd probably send her an email back and say:
"Did I get this right?? You cheated on me and you'd like me to take care of your birth control??
And now I am the bad guy??"<p>HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Dave,<p>My advice is to ignore her self-centered gibberish, which, if you read carefully, still manages to take a few pokes at you here and there.<p>I received the same kind of letters from my then-W when we were separated (sans the pokes at me). It meant nothing, just a bunch of words. At least my X's words showed that she clearly understood what a screw-up she was, while yours still seems to try to blame everyone else first, and her "insanity" second.<p>Look for action, not words.<p>AGG<p>[ April 30, 2002: Message edited by: AGoodGuy ]</p>

davepr-<p>If you don't mind me asking how were you able to terminate her alimony? Did the court okay it? I have a friend who is trying to get his alimony stopped after the divorce is finalized. She is 30 years old and is very capable of working.

Lexxy, I kid you not, that is what she asked me.
I had a V after our second child so birth control was not an issue for us. But obviously it is now for her. Previously, she told me she was have unprotected sex with the OM, no BC. Atleast she is getting smarter and thinking about her actions but what a question to ask your H. I guess STDs have not even crossed her mind yet. I can predict her reply," He is a great guy, he doesn't have any STDs." I have chosen not to replay to insane requests or insane e-mails.<p>AGG, you are right, blame me first, everyone else second, and her insantity ( which I caused) last. She cann't take any responsibilty her self. Remember she is the victum here.<p>Shyone, I was not aware of her adultry when I signed the seperation agreement. In NC, you do not get alimony if you commit adultry. Our lawyers worked this out, she got 9 months of alimony that she never should of received. Jen Harley suggest this to me in a councling session.<p>dave

There's as much manipulation as there is guilt in that last e-mail, Dave. And it's impossible to tell whether she is anywhere near bottom - or what she will do when she gets there.<p>While ignoring her e-mails is probably the best advice you will receive, I must admit that I myself would probably respond. Something like: "A loser is someone who is incapable of success, not someone who chooses to behave in a way that costs the respect of others. Life is not just something that happens to us, it is also what we do with what we are given. I love you, and that's why I hate to see what you are doing to yourself. It's also why I will not help you destroy yourself."<p>But that's just me.