I've posted on this forum for a few months now, telling how my wife and I have been having our problems and how she decided to separate from me. I know for a fact she isn't having an affair. She told me she no longer loves me, she no longer wants to grow old with me and she no longer wants to discuss our marriage. We've been separated now for over a month and she realizes that she's much happier now living a single life and only having the kids part time, leaving her with little responsibility and more time to spend with her friends. We just had a discussion this past weekend and she's now decided that the marriage is over and she wants a divorce. She won't tell me why, she only says that she doesn't love me and that's the way she feels and I can't change that. She says no one knows why people fall in love and out of love it just happens so now she wants to be alone a move on with her life. I am so totally crushed. The pain inside is unbearable at times. I've locked myself in the closet away from my kids and cried my eyes out. I am asking myself all these questions, what have I done wrong? What can I have done differently? Why won't she work on our marriage? Well now it's too late, no matter what I say, she pulls farther and farther away, she's so cold to me, no emotion or feelings at all. She says she'll file for divorce as soon as possible. I'm finding it very difficult to dispute her when she talks about dividing up our assests. I don't feel like fighting with her. Anyway, thanks for letting me rant and especially thanks to all of you who've given me sound advice and tried to help me through this difficult time. I'm afraid the times ahead are going to be more difficult. Thanks again, Jax

Jax:<BR> I am <B>so sorry</B> to hear this! You are in my prayers...<BR>Kathi

Hello JAX, I'm keeping an eye on this board and I'm interested in you doing well. I've lived many things, both great and bad, and this D stuff is the worst thing that's ever happened to me, (to my kids and my X-wife too I think). <P>I don't know alot about your situation, but if I were you, and it sounds like you love her, I'd let her run and delay the actual divorce. Sometimes people find out the grass isn't always greener. For me, my biggest regret in this life was rushing into our D.<P>Best Regards, Sam in OKC

JAX, me again... I wanted to tell you that I know how you feel about this, I cried til my shirt was soiled. At times my guts hurt bad from the emotions alone, I remember my ribs hurting... <P>But time has helped alot, dating and making new friends has helped too. I still think of Lin, but that's another thing. <P>Please don't beg your wife, or crawl, she'll lose respect for you. Let her know you love her, that the marriage is the most important thing in the world to you, but let her see that you have your dignity and self respect too.<P>After Lin moved out, I sent her a "Thinking of You" card every week for 6 months. I told her I'd send flowers to her job everyday til I went broke til she agreed to talk about it (that just pissed her off, so I didn't do it). <P>I know one thing, sometimes people are running on addictions, and addictions are usually destructive to them, it's just a matter of time. <P>My wife was and it sounds like yours may be also. Lin has suffered alot the past 2 years and I feel so bad for her. I'm sure she's had many doubts and regrets, I'm hopeful now that her pride won't be so strong still. I really need to find out how she feels now that time has passed and she isn't drinking so heavy. <P>Best wishes to you and I'll say a prayer for your situation... Sam in OKC<P><p>[This message has been edited by SamIAm (edited April 06, 2000).]

Thanks for the lift sam i am but unfortunatly I'm throwing in the towel tomorrow. I've had enough. She's thoroughly convinced she can never love me again and said she is going to file for divorce. Well I've decided I'm going to beat her to it and do something she totally doesn't expect and file for divorce first. I don't know how she'll react after all this time of me telling her how much I love her and asking her to please give us another try all to no avail. She wants a divorce claiming it's the only thing that'll make her happy therefore I'm committed to do the only thing she wants from me to make her happy since it's not my love she wants. God help me and forgive me for what I'm about to do. Thanks. Jax.

I am not the one divorcing but i am hurting just to hear your story. I imagine that is not easy thing to give up on someone that you love so much, but not just that you love, some one that you chared your dreams with, some one that you had babys with, kids made of love, of the love that you had thinking that was going to last forever.<P>I am about to get married and when i hear this stories i wonder if is worth it to marry but than is such a beautifull thing to share your life with some one you love. like in the movie The Mirrow has tow faces: Barbara said " Love hurts but is dam good while it last"<P>I do not know what to say, just do not file for divorce, do not push away the only oportunity you have. Do not let your kids think in the future that you were the one that took the first step to divorce. I am not saying either humillate your self, beg her to come back. Do not do that either. <P>The pain is great but if she does not come back you will not die for it. I wish gosh i had some word of wisdom for you, i wish there was something i could say tha will make u feel better but i guess there is not. I will pray for u. But please do not stop posting here, you may find out that there is people that may need your help, here are people that need the advice of other.<P>Good luck, and i will pray.<P>Diana.

Hi JAX, I agree with Diana, it's true that you hurt so much now... But don't be the one to pull the plug. Your hurt won't go away with a D, so what is it, revenge? I admit that revenge was a small factor in my situation, now I wish differently. <P>I really don't think you should give in so easily, you aren't required to do anything really. You can sit back and wait if you want... Stay busy, that helps alot! <P>Sam in OKC<BR>

Thanks but it's too late. I've filed the necessary paperwork this morning and she'll be served on Monday. Truth be told it was the hardest thing in the world for me to do. They say if you love someone you have to let them go and in my case the divorce is just a way of protecting myself from any future financial hassles since our relationship is deteriorating so quickly, mostly on her end. She no longer trusts me at all nor does she believe anything I tell her about our finances. She's taken to spending sprees on the credit cards and this has to stop. Sure a legal sep would acomplish the same but she's determined to divorce now so whats the difference now or later. Maybe I'm being too hasty but I'm only protecting myself and my daughter. But all in all if I had it to do all over again and marry the same woman knowing what I know now, I would still do it just to be able to have the love and feel the love for her that I do, there is nothing that can compare. Sure there is alot of pain afterwards but in my estimation it's worth it in the long run, it makes you a better person.

i surelly wish you the best. Not all is lost, you have your kids and that is alot.<P>Take care <P>Diana

Dianna,<BR>What ever you do, don't let anything you read on this forum discourage you from getting married. Instead if anything try to use it as a guideline to make your marriage perfect from the start. Armed with the information you obtain from this site you're probably better able to recognize any problems that may crop up and nip them in the bud before they're blown completely out of proportion. As I've said before, I would do it again if I had the choice and I most likely will, I still believe in marriage and I still believe two people can be happy and make a life together if they're both willing to do so. Good luck with you fiance. Jax<p>[This message has been edited by Jax (edited April 07, 2000).]