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Joined: Jun 2001
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I have not posted here since I was about seven months pregnant. I had my baby a month early and have been busy with him. I took the papers in after I had the baby because it hit me, I don't want to fight anymore. I am growing and maturing, but unfortunately my soon to be ex isn't. He hasn't even asked to spend time with our new son-whom he says isn't his and whom he hasn't "connected" with. He haas only spent a few hours twice with our 4 year old since and I don't know what to do. He says that he doesn't want to be around him because it's a reminder of what he used to believe in. How can someone be like that? I have never in my life hated him, but this is making me feel like I could. Please somebody, help me know what to do.
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Joined: Jul 2000
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RAINEFALL:<p>I gather from your post that you had the affair.. and your stbx isn't sure the baby is his??<p>So based on that..have you had a DNA test done?? Maybe if you do this he will feel differently??<p>It may be something he needs to be sure of before he puts his heart into this little boy..not that this little one is the problem..or should suffer.. but it may help your husband..and give him peace of mind..<p>I don't know why some people turn their backs on their children when they divorce..it's so heart breaking..
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Joined: Nov 2001
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that and maybe he's trying to get out of paying child support...<p>The upshot is that you CAN"T make him spend time with, love or be interested in your child. You just have to learn to accept that.
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Joined: Dec 1999
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Hi,<p>My ex-H was the one who had the affair. Since we separated in 1999, he hasn't been much of a father at all. The first year we were apart, he spent a total of 14 hours with our 3 sons. Now, if they want to see him, they have to call 2-3 days ahead of time to schedule a visit. He has standard visitation (every other weekend) but has never kept the boys for more than 12 hours in a row. His social life is too important to him. <p>There is nothing that can be done about it. You can't force anyone to be a parent. I tried at first, but then soon gave up. I just think that he's the one who is missing out on so much. Our sons are now 12, 10 and 5. One day he'll look at them and wonder where the time went.<p>Good luck,
Mitzi [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
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Joined: Sep 2000
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you can't force a parent to spend time with their child i have tried many times and even went back to him and role modelled. In the end it is all for not because ultimately it is their choice.
it breaks your heart to see it that way BUT you would rather have the time spent in Quality not Forced
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Joined: Jun 2001
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Thank you for all of your replies. He knows that the baby is his-(the baby looks like our other son). He just wanted to be with someone else while I was pregnant. I told him a few days ago that I was done setting up the visits. He now has to call me if he wants to see them-this way he is taking responsibility. He actually came to see our older son the other day and I hope that things stay more positive.
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Joined: Jan 2002
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Rainefall: I am going to have agree with the others here; there isn't much you can do to make your ex see the children. My ex could any time he wanted, but he chooses not to; there is always an excuse. In the end, the kids are the one who suffer. When my ex starts rationizing why he isn't or couldn't see the boys, I know in my heart that if he wanted to see his kids, he would. You get one chance to be a parent...and my ex has failed miserably. Be strong and assume that chances are you are going to be the mom and dad to your children.
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RAINE,<p>Like the others have said you can't make him see the boys. But be very careful on how you handle this with the boys. Don't tell them that their dad doesn't want to see them, or cover for him either.<p>You can't take their dads place in their lives, but man can you be the best mom to those two boys, it won't make up for their dad not being in their lives but you will know that you have done the best job that you can for them. And you will have done it with Love.<p>Just my 2 cents worth for you!!<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
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Joined: Jun 2001
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"daddy" is supposed to come and pick up my son this morning and keep him overnight. Of course he tells me he loves me and then that I don't make the right choices."you'll get remarried and they'll have a dad". I told him he was going to abandon them just like his father did and how is he going to like his kids feeling about him, the way he feels for his father. He said there is nothing he can do and I get everything
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Joined: Apr 2001
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RAINE,<p>I am so sorry that your WH is causing you so much pain. It is too bad that he doesn't see the light. I know that I would not want someone else being "Mommy" to my kids, I just don't get guys sometimes!!<p>Know that someone is praying for you and your boys. Still haven't heard much about your baby!!!<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
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