My wife and I experienced a miscarriage about 3.5 years ago. We bonded like never before. After several months, she was still very down and I was ready to press forward. I stuck close to her, protected her, and was there for her during this tough time. After several more months, we became very detached, as my frustration mounted, and her grief persisted. I spoke to a woman that I had known for years, and began receiving the attention that I felt I was lacking. 2.5 year long story short, I had an affair with this woman for over 2 years. My wife found out, and I promised to stop. I was so deep into my web of deceit with both she and my wife, that I found it easier to keep it up, than to come clean. My wife has flat out snuffed out this affair 3 times. I was always "going to stop it." At one point, I told her I was leaving. I moved out for 1 year, but saw her often. We went to counseling, marriage workshops, etc..... but nothing worked, because I was still having an affiar and not being honest about it. Last Friday, she confirmed that I had been in contact with the other woman, and asked me to leave again. She said that she was finally finished. When I realized how headstrong she seemed about this decision, I suddenly realized what I had given up. I immediately cut ties with the other woman, and allowed my wife to confirm so, and it was actually very easy to do. I simply did not have the same motivation before, that I now have. Before, I never believed that she would really divorce me. I have pleaded with her, and promised the world. I am committed to delivering, should she give me the opportunity. She maintains that it is over, and that the best thing I can do for her, is let her go. I am willing to fight, if there is any hope at all. Is there hope? What can I say or do, to show her how serious I am about this? I have convinced her to go with me to see a counselor today. but she says not to get hopes up, as she really just needs to express some things to me, and in the presence of a third party is good.<p>[ May 01, 2002: Message edited by: jzc001 ]<p>[ May 02, 2002: Message edited by: jzc001 ]</p>

This reminds me of the saying you don't know what you have until you lose it. A person can only take so much and it sounds like your wife reached her breaking point. I don't know what more you can do. To her you have no credibility. Sorry. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

That is so true, I didn't know what I had until I started to lose it. She may have reached her breaking point, but I am not willing to give up yet. If I persist and it eventually works, I will be very very happy. If I persist and it doesn't work, then I am where I am right now. I don't think I have much to lose by hanging in. Any suggestions for how to move her to my "rebuilding direction" ?

I don't know if you have noticed this but your posts are me, me, me, me, and my needs and wants. Start thinking about what your wife wants. Since this just happened last Friday your are going to have to prove it by actions and not empty words. Have you gone to individual counseling? You need to work on yourself so you can be worthy of your wife.<p>[ May 01, 2002: Message edited by: shyone ]</p>

Good Point. I am very slefish right now - thanks for pointing it out to me. I start individual counseling tomorrow at 5pm.