Well, my H and I have made alot of progress and have gotten close again, but I find that he is starting to go back to the way he used to be. He gets so dam cranky and just starts to yell at me or our 10 yr old daughter, he then talks to me with such disrespect, I am trying very hard not to get involved in a shouting match with him, and have only fallen into the trap a few times. He just doesn't realize how he is talking to me and doesn't realize that it is hurting me and our relationship, he will sit there and be yelling, you can hear him outside the darn house and he keeps saying "I'm not yelling, can't you stop saying that, you are just over reacting!" When I try to talk to him about his temper and how he is talking to me and the kids he turns it on me, saying I am dwelling on things and that I am being too emotional. One thing that I can't stand that he does which is so immature is when he will sit there and immitate me. I am trying so hard not to get angry and burst out at him but it is hard b/c now my daughter acts like this which I don't want. He gives her heck for acting disrespectful and talking rude yet she is sounding exactly like him. I try to point out that if he wants her to change her behaviour he is going to have to change the way he is talking to her. I can't believe he doesn't see it, he just gets mad and stomps off. He can be so sweet and so good to us all, especially since he knew that our relationship was heading for seperation. But as soon as he feels comfortable and safe in our relationship he falls back to being disrespectful and rude. How do I get him to realize this, I have thought about taping him on the tape recorder so he can hear himself, I don't know. Any suggestions out there? I am just getting so tired of this constant battle and don't like that it is effecting my kids.<BR>

fed up,<BR>I understand your situation so I'm goig to try to give you advice. My wife and I have had siilar problems with our marriage. I have often thought about taping my wife so she can realize how quick she is to yell and how cranky she can sometimes be. You and you alone have to make the choice to do it or not. I decided not to because I know my wife and I know that taping her would cause more problems than it would solve, you have to make that choice. I gave my wife an ultimatium. Counseling or separation. She chose separation. It sounds as if this isn't what your husband wants so hopefully he'll pick counseling. Hopefully I've provided you with a little bit of help. Good Luck.

Might want to get and read the Boundaries in Marriage book by Cloud & Townsend. Help you to get some clarification and ideas on how to set boundaries for those yuck behaviors and develop consequences, so that love is encouraged and that you don't fal back into the trap you both were in before.

Thank you for your replies. I talked to my H last night and told him that I was concerned about the way things have been and asked him if there is something else bothering him to make him so angry. All he said was I have a cold and I'm not feeling well. I think your making mountains out of mole hills, everybody gets in a mood, you get cranky. He has to turn everything around on me. He will get in a rage and when I have to raise my voice to tell him to stop - he says listen to you, your the one yelling, and just keeps saying I have to get out of here and then leaves. Like what the heck do you do? I told him that I don't think it is a good atmosphere for the kids and that our daughter is acting the same way you do. He just doesn't get it, she didn't come up with this behaviour on her own. Kids learn from what they see, he just doesn't see it and it is so frustrating. I will try to get the book.I would like to see a counsellor but I am not sure how to find a good one and what to look for. Thanks for the feedback it does help.