I was on here about 4-6 weeks ago. I was seeing much of my wife's problems as just marital/personality problems. I stumbled upon a book, stop walking on eggshells and Border line personality disorder. After reading through the book, it became almost apparent that this is what she had. I have done a lot of reading, and finally went to 2 different therapists, one a phd. The first flat out disagreed with me. He was mainly a marriage coun. and he said it sounded more like depression, possible brought on by avonex my wife takes for MS., and "normal" marital issues. The second (the Doc) said pretty much the same, but hinted at MS causing a lot of mental and emotional problems.<p>I was posting on a BPD site, and one of the moderators there said her dad died of MS, and had severe mental problems, that very closely resembled BPD.<p>I talked to my wife about this, told her my concerns (we've been having an on again off again discussion that started as an arguement sun night). I told her about both T's and that they'd like to see her alone to make sure she has no issues that need to be addressed before trying to help us together. She flat out refused. She said the only problem we have is that I don't pay enough attention to her, and that we don't do things together. She will not hear my side, or if she does, turns it right back at me. <p>She has many unhealthy traits that are killing any love I ever had. She has huge fear of abandonment issues - any time I try to do anything alone she get's into a turmoil, even if it's to grab a beer for an hour with a friend. If I need to run out to the store, she has to go, which usually means the trip takes 4 tims as long. She told me a night or 2 ago, she tries to get me to stay home from things I want to do to prove I love her - very unhealthy attitude to me. She can go into huge tirates over little stuff.<p>I guess the question I have - is there any point in staying if she's unwilling to go together to get help? I know I am not perfect, never said I was. But I am willing to look in the mirror and fix things, she isn't. She won't even admit she has a problem. Is there much hope? I don't see any myself.......

interesting, which site were you on?<p>my X who i suspect has BPD to a certain degree, has a mom who has been diagnosed with MS or a related disease, not sure which, they think parkinsons, but then again, i don't always get the complete answer. . . .<p>finally, therapists and counselors don't like amateur shrinks, just like dentists don't like me using their little tool to scrape the plaque off my own teeth, (hey if they can do it, and it doesn't look like rocket science, why can't i?)<p>so to say "normal" would be stretching it. . . but then again, i don't think we have heard the whole story in detail. . . .<p>wiftty

the whole story?
I have been married for 18 yesars, and we dated for 3 before that. I have 2 kids 4 and 15. I'd say the first 10 years were good. Over the past say 5-7 she's become a very selfish manipulative controlling person. She is just no fun to be around because there is no telling when she's going to go ballisting over something stupid. Until ver recently we really had no friends. I tried, but she'd push people away, would wanbt to have company etc. Once a month or so was ok, but you'll never maintain a relationship seeing people once a moth or more. People get on with their lives and do other things.....We've had pretty much the same fights in various forms over the past 5+ years. Some of this could be related to her. Some could be from me becomming stronger and more independant (which shouldn't threaten a healthy marriage) or both. I was posting on bpd central, actually still am. There was so much of what people posted that fit her it was eerie. I agree about the T's, they all have their agendas and bias'. Maybe he's wrong, maybe he'd change his mind after meeting her. Problem is she won't do it. She does have MS, and I've seen some info from a woman that married a BPD and watched her dad die from MS. She said the 2 acted very similar. So who knows. My problem is that what ever the problem and whom ever the cause, not going for help together and agreeing to work on a resolution together is a serious problem - 1 I see no way around.