I just received a letter from my xWW saying essentially how sorry she was for causing me all the pain with her multiple A's with men with prison records. She says that it wasn't until after she lost me and our daughters that the truth about how messed up she was finally sank in to her consciousness. She also says that she is finally getting the professional counseling in dealing with her sexual addiction and depression, and that even though she is going thru painful withdrawl, she is slowly recovering the self respect she lost many years ago. And she adds, she now realizes how much in love she is with me [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] and wishes she could make it up to me by letting her back into my life. The letter continues with some fonder memories from the start of our marriage, etc.<p>If this letter had been given to me just prior to our divorce, I would have probably post poned the dv for marital reconciliation. It would have been a dream come true for me, but at this point in time where I have moved on and have formed a serious and committed relationship with another woman, it emotionally just leaves me stone cold.<p>Why is it that life sometimes gives you what you no longer want anymore?<p>Joe<p>[ May 02, 2002: Message edited by: TooMuchCoffeeMan ]</p>

Darn good question!<p>It's one of the biggest crying shames, to me, when a WS "gets it" after a DV (that they seemed to want so badly) and after the BS has committed to a new SO. Very tragic.

You know I prayed for that day. 1 month after the divorce was final and 2 years of the hell he had put me through, I got phone calls and e-mails from my ex reminescing (sp?) about things from the past.how he cried looking at pictures...listening to our old music etc. <p>I knew that there was no going back when I heard from him. It kinda made me sad, but also somewhat vindicated. He had cared and he did realize on some level he made a big mistake.<p>amazing...

Joe,<p>Well, at least this is good news for your kids with your ex getting the professional help. It is to be hoped that she will become a better parent and role model for the kids.<p>RMA

It is a good guestion and one I ponder often. My XH came "out of his fog" about a month after our quicky divorce was final. <p>Like so many others, I prayed and prayed that he'd realize what he was doing and stop the divorce proceedings. To no avail. So why when confronted with the prospect of getting back together do I question it???<p>My heart never hardened toward him. In the midst of the pain and turmoil he was causing, I would have taken him back right then and there, probably because I was a broken woman.
It is a year now since my divorce became final. <p>We are dating and talking about reconciliation, and one good thing is I am thinking clearer and smarter (not just with my heart). <p>So mabey this is the way to take it slow and "cautious".<p>Petrie

The more I see of this phenomenom in my life and in others, the more thankful I am that I was the BS and not the WS. At least I can say to myself and others that I did my best (with what I had to work with at the time) to save my M not only for myself and our daughters but for my xW as well. But imagine the horrible realization that a WS that finally comes out of the fog and becomes aware of the damage s/he has caused not only to her/his loved ones but to her/himself as well. No wonder so many WS's suffer from suicidal tendencies. I really feel sorry for the WS when this happens.<p>As far as my xW is concerned, I agree with you RMA that this is good news for our daughters because if she is truly succesful in her efforts to conquer her demons, they'll have the mother they deserved and if something were to happen to me (die or become permanently incapable of supporting our daughters), I would rest secure in the knowledge that she is now a responsable parent that can take over in the caring of our daughters. So from this point of view we all come out winners by her becoming a healthy person mentally, physically and spiritually. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Sometimes I wish that our school system at the high school level made it mandatory for students to take classes in human relations where they would be required to read the Harley books and others to gain some insight as to the importance of maintaining of such a vital and important relationship like marriage is to society. And anger management classes to prevent physical and emotional abuse. But until that happens it falls on to us parents to teach our children these lessons that have been learned with much pain and sorrow.<p>Joe

Joe:<p>"Sometimes I wish that our school system at the high school level made it mandatory for students to take classes in human relations where they would be required to read the Harley books and others to gain some insight as to the importance of maintaining of such a vital and important relationship like marriage is to society. And anger management classes to prevent physical and emotional abuse. But until that happens it falls on to us parents to teach our children these lessons that have been learned with much pain and sorrow."<p>ABSOLUTELY!! Where do I sign!?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by 2long:
<strong>Joe:<p>"Sometimes I wish that our school system at the high school level made it mandatory for students to take classes in human relations where they would be required to read the Harley books and others to gain some insight as to the importance of maintaining of such a vital and important relationship like marriage is to society. And anger management classes to prevent physical and emotional abuse. But until that happens it falls on to us parents to teach our children these lessons that have been learned with much pain and sorrow."<p>ABSOLUTELY!! Where do I sign!?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>LOL I think you and I are bit too old for high school classes and I wouldn't want anybody to think I am a dirty old man trying to pick up young girls [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Joe