My H had surgery this morning, and I don't even now what hospital he is at. It was supposed to be day surgery, but unless he decides to email me, which I doubt he will, I won't even know if he is ok for several days. I can't help thinking that when he had surgery in December, he was nice to me as he was recovering, but the first day he felt well enough to leave the house, he went to see her.<P>I just got offered a good part-time job, finally. I want so much to be able to share the news with him.

Hi Nellie-<BR>Sorry it took me so long to respond. I'm here now.<BR>I know you are feeling sad. It is so hard to let go of those caring feelings, even after all they put us through. Can you e-mail him? Does he have family you can contact to find out where he is?<BR>Congrats on the job. Good for you. I think that this will help you so much. You will be able to rebuild your confidence level and it will take your mind off your h.<BR>I think about you and your kids every day. I do care about you.<BR>You are in my prayers, <BR>Stay strong, Nellie and let God lead you.<P>Cheryl<BR>

Nellie, Congratulations on the job! It may really help you feel good again. My new job has helped me some.<P>I know how much you are hurting, no matter how mad I get at my H I find myself missing him all of the time. They say time heals all wounds so I guess we just have to wait this out. <P>Jill

Cheryl,<P>He probably didn't even tell his father that he was having surgery, much less where. He doesn't have much family, and no real friends, unless you count the OW. I (and the kids) sent him an e-mail get well card, but he hasn't looked at it yet.<BR>Thank you, and take care. <P>Jill,<BR>Thanks. Sometimes I think it would be easier to hate him, but I don't. Usually when he is talking to me on the phone, he is not mean or nasty, actually a lot nicer to me than he was when he was at home during the affair, sometimes almost seeming normal. When I see him in person, he is not mean, but seems uneasy and is almost always in a hurry to get out of here, and if tarries too long his beeper often goes off. In classic conflict avoider style, if he wants to do something that he knows is going to hurt me, he either doesn't tell me in advance or sends me email. It has gotten to the point where I hate seeing email from him pop up.<p>[This message has been edited by Nellie1 (edited September 02, 1999).]

Congrats! That's terrific.<P>These past few months some of my happiest moments have also been my saddest, because I couldn't share them with my H. Sometimes I've felt like I'm mourning a death. In a way, I guess it is the death of a relationship. But that doesn't mean you can't build a better one!<P>Lizbeth

Lizbeth,<BR>Thanks. I looking forward to working (not to mention the money). Whenever the kids do something new or exciting, my first thought is still that I can't wait to tell H about it. I do sometimes send him email, but he rarely responds, and I don't know if he even cares about what they are doing. Apparently when he is with them, he doesn't ask them about what is going on in their lives. Of course he never really did - I always was the one who kept him up to date.<BR>

Hi Nellie -<P>I'm so happy for you with the job!! Good going!!<P>I know how you're feeling - I felt that way for a long time : most of which was when he was still living here. It was the "here but not here" kind of thing.<P>I have had more contact and actual conversation with him in the last few weeks than in the whole six months before he moved out. <P>Life is just too strange sometimes.....<BR>and also, too confusing a lot of times!<P>Hang in there.<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba<BR>

I remember when my husband was gone (I have to clarify because I always talk to you about my X - but I have a current one too, ya know...) - anyway, I heard through the grapevine he hit a deer, and once he when he was gone he called becaue his heart was racing, and he was scared. I told him to go to the hospital ER. I sat at home for a week after he called, not knowing what happened to him. (It was right after he moved to MN)<P>It is really tough when you had the role of caretaker wife, and then ....wham..... you aren't sure what role you are supposed to play. <P>That was really really nice that you sent him a card. I'm sorry you are afraid of opening your email from him.