Although this will end with a question, I think a little background information is needed. My wife and I started having some problems last summer. She started feeling depressed all the time because she felt alone. We got into a routine by where I would take care off all the outside stuff, shopping, running around to stores, gardening...etc. She would take care of the kids. At the same time, I would actively particiapte in keeping the house clean. We did spend time together as a family but never enough time by ourselves. I believe that even though my intentions were right, it really drove a wedge between us. I was so wrong! Through some serious reading this week I found out that what I was actually doing was taking her for granted. I apologised and made many efforts to improve on this. Even after this, she was still on an emotional roller coaster.<P>She brought up counseling but decided that maybe a trip to the doctor was in order. She was prescribed anti- depressants and they really made a big difference. Although she was still not as happy as in the past, it really took the edge off. She started dieting and bought a new wardrobe and really gained a lot of self-confidence. She really does look great these days and I love her dearly.<P>I have tried talking to her about things through all of this and I am always "brushed off" I could open my heart to her and really explain how I feel and she would barely respond too me.<P>This really is one side of the story and I know I am not perfect but I think in order to get everything solved, we both have to be invloved. <P>About a month ago, we bought her dream house out in the country. A week after that she weaned herself off the drugs. She calls them a bandaid for her true feelings. Shortly after that she really started acting cold toward me and then told me that she needed some time by herself to figure out why she doesn't love me anymore. She then asked me to move out.<P>How can this be? I am so confused. I have talked to a lot of people including my pastor with whom I have taken up counseling. My wife will not participate in counseling because she says that a counselor can't make feelings come back.<P>I have taken the approach that this is a temporary situation and that I will end up being with her again. I also belive that no matter the outcome, I will maintain my dignity and self-respect. I am agreeing to whatever she wants, moving out, seperating finances etc... I am willing to do whatever it takes to get this resolved. At this point it really is a one way street.<P>Anyway, the question is revolved around anti-depressants. How do they work? what are the side effects when coming off them? How can I bring this up with her in a delicate way that doesn't get her back up? What else do I need to know about them?<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark7:<BR><B>Although this will end with a question, I think a little background information is needed. My wife and I started having some problems last summer. She started feeling depressed all the time because she felt alone. We got into a routine by where I would take care off all the outside stuff, shopping, running around to stores, gardening...etc. She would take care of the kids. At the same time, I would actively particiapte in keeping the house clean. We did spend time together as a family but never enough time by ourselves. I believe that even though my intentions were right, it really drove a wedge between us. I was so wrong! Through some serious reading this week I found out that what I was actually doing was taking her for granted. I apologised and made many efforts to improve on this. Even after this, she was still on an emotional roller coaster.<P>She brought up counseling but decided that maybe a trip to the doctor was in order. She was prescribed anti- depressants and they really made a big difference. Although she was still not as happy as in the past, it really took the edge off. She started dieting and bought a new wardrobe and really gained a lot of self-confidence. She really does look great these days and I love her dearly.<P>I have tried talking to her about things through all of this and I am always "brushed off" I could open my heart to her and really explain how I feel and she would barely respond too me.<P>This really is one side of the story and I know I am not perfect but I think in order to get everything solved, we both have to be invloved. <P>About a month ago, we bought her dream house out in the country. A week after that she weaned herself off the drugs. She calls them a bandaid for her true feelings. Shortly after that she really started acting cold toward me and then told me that she needed some time by herself to figure out why she doesn't love me anymore. She then asked me to move out.<P>How can this be? I am so confused. I have talked to a lot of people including my pastor with whom I have taken up counseling. My wife will not participate in counseling because she says that a counselor can't make feelings come back.<P>I have taken the approach that this is a temporary situation and that I will end up being with her again. I also belive that no matter the outcome, I will maintain my dignity and self-respect. I am agreeing to whatever she wants, moving out, seperating finances etc... I am willing to do whatever it takes to get this resolved. At this point it really is a one way street.<P>Anyway, the question is revolved around anti-depressants. How do they work? what are the side effects when coming off them? How can I bring this up with her in a delicate way that doesn't get her back up? What else do I need to know about them?<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hello, Maybe she hates being a stay at home mom. It seems like depression is something she is likely suffering from. In the meantime I would suggest finding some good counselling for yourself. <P>I know that I hate staying at home and that has ended up with me suffering from depression. It is hard for women to be able to say that staying at home with their children stinks, when society makes us feel as though we should love it, like it is natural to just love being a mom. It isn`t and it isn`t easy.

Actually, she does work. She works 12 hour shifts with a great bunch of people. She, in fact wants to quit to stsy at home with the kids, something we both want but are unable at this point.<P>After a session at the counselors he believes that she is getting more companionship at work because they don't haveto deal with the day to day activities of raising kids, looking after the house etc. She can actually go out and have fun. She may be in a place where she is trying to decide whether to continue with the life she has or become more social with her friends at work (mostly male by the way). I have met them all and like them.<P>Too me its a question of whether she wants to have fun or continue her responsibility as a mother. A question which I'm sure will be raised in counseling, not by me, I won't try to raise these issues by myself as it will be seen as an attack. Something she does not need from my right now.<p>[This message has been edited by Mark7 (edited April 12, 2000).]

Mark7<P>I don't want to offend or hurt you, but have you considered that she may be having an affair, if not physical then emotional with someone at work. If you go over to the infidelity board, you will find many many stories like yours. The cause of the mode swings and the sudden declaration that they want out of the marriage or spouse out of the house: an affair.<P>I hope that I am wrong and certainly anti-depressants will help, but keep you eyes and hears open. If you even suspect this don't move out. It is very hard to work on a marriage from long distance.<P>Hope I am wrong.<P>God Bless,<P>JL