XH calls to ask for the money that I will pay him once my house gets registered in my name and not before. He goes off at me asking when am I going to get it sorted out, as if I'm really holding up the process. Sorry can't take credit for that one. But I had such a go at him being remarried, making nasty comments because she is 11 years older than him. I really pushed it. I told him I know the whole story about how Lona followed him to Durban etc, he was quite ticked off and wanted to know where I got the info, but I didn't give it to him. He told me it was not the truth, everyone elses truth but not his truth. Oh! During our conversation he says 'well thats my WIFE you are talking about'.... imagine.... <p>He is without a job. In South Africa that is quite a drastic thing as jobs are very difficult to come by. So I said he must look for another job, he says why, I say, Unless SHE is supporting you, a mommy figure, isn't that what you've always wanted. And he went dead quiet for about half a minute. I feel so bad the things (and I'm not saying all the things I said) I said to him, they were true, but they were said to hurt him. I don't feel very good about myself, but I wanted to say those things, probably I thought I would feel better, but I feel sad for him now. Because I know that this marriage is not going to make him happy. Just a feeling... just like I had a feeling he'd call today...<p>Another thing.... all of a sudden he blurted out 'well I couldn't wait for you for the rest of my life'. Imagine him saying that?! Also he told me to get over him, I told him I am over him and he will never have me in his life again. Then he asks why was I prying into his life, I said (honestly) it was by mistake that I found these things out. <p>Thanks for listening
Pantha

Pantha,<p>Well, if he is already needing the money from you, things can't be that great. Interesting that he felt the need to defend his position and his new W, too. I wonder about these kind - trying to convince you or themselves???<p>You are going to be OK. <p>Desiree

You know Pantha, I feel the same way. I think that's one of the several reasons I've told my ex-H NO CONTACT. It took months for him to get the message. I explained to him early on that if he sought a divorce it would be the end of our relationship in every aspect. He didn't believe me, he said that divorce isn't FINAL. And I said "What, you mean like marriage isn't final?".<p>Ughhhh!!!!!!!!!<p>So, if I was to allow him contact I know I'd probably say mean things to him. At least right now how I've been feeling I'm pretty sure I would. And on top of that, he would continue to tell me he loves me and misses me, that I'm always in his thoughts and I'm always "WITH" him. Believe me, I don't WANT to be always with him, that would mean I'm there when he's boinkin OW. Puck! Gag! Barf! Blech!<p>Just like you, I'd then feel bad for saying mean things to him. I don't deserve to feel bad anymore. And neither do you. So I think best thing to do is do just like me ... NO CONTACT ... it's just still too hurtful.<p>In addition, allowing them to talk to us like we're their buddy - best pal - friend, sends a message that what they did was no big deal. That it wasn't wrong and even if it was, we're willing to get another helping from them. No thank you.<p>Lv,
Jo<p>[ May 03, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

BTW Pantha ... my ex-H OW's name is "LANA". what a coincidence, huh?<p>Jo

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Resilient:
<strong>BTW Pantha ... my ex-H OW's name is "LANA". what a coincidence, huh?<p>Jo</strong><hr></blockquote><p>UH OH! [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] I have a cousin named LANA. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Either Lana from Arkansas??? hehe.<p>Pantha, <p>Please don't feel sad. I think the reason you feel this way is that you are so much better than him and just for a few minutes you sought revenge....to be like him and to hurt...the only problem is...you are not him...you are better than him.<p>Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and know that you got it out of your system and now you can move on.<p>BTW, I kind of got a kick out of the "mommy" comment. hehe [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take care,
ANNA

Roll Me Away thanks. He has also maxed out his credit card, because the statement still comes to my address, after I have told him to change it, I open the statement and then throw it away. Probably I shouldn't open it but I do. So he seems to be in running into problems, I do hope that he will come out of it ok.<p>Resilient thanks. Well I'm never going to give my (future) daughter a name anything like Lana/Lona ugh! If he calls me about the money again, I will only discuss that and nothing else. Yeah, I forgot about those boundaries.... Well I slept most of today, I was wondering why, I guess it must be emotional exhaustion from that conversation. You are such strong and wonderful person - no wonder your XH wants you to always be with him. But like you said, Puck! Gag! Barf! Blech! It is so great that you are doing so fine.<p>Anna2000 thank you. I am glad you liked my 'mommy' comment. I have got it out of my system, the confrontation that 'I know..' and now I won't go there again. From now on, with him, its only business... thanks.<p>Love
Pantha

Pantha,<p>Good for you..your blest in many aspects that you didn't have children with this man..so when your divorced..it will be final..and you won't have to have contact with him at all..<p>As far as the house goes..you don't even have to contact him about that either..you can just say talk to my atty..and let him deal with that...<p>As far as the credit card statements..just put
"return to sender" on the envelopes and let them
figure out where they are supposed to go...if he hasn't sent in a forwarding address..thats now his problem NOT YOURS!!! If he doesn't get the statements and they close his accounts..to bad so sad..thats his responsibility not yours..

Pantha-<p>I'd much rather be you than him. You handled yourself fine. He is a manipulator, this phone call further proved it. Couldn't wait for you forever? Do yourself a favor and cut off contact. Move on to that great glorious life you are so entitled too! <p>Take care and God bless!
K