This is going to be a long one!!<P>About 2 months ago, my husband said he wasn't sure how he felt about me, but he said we were going to try and put our marriage together. We have been living far from each other for over a year due to job commitments. I thought our marriage would be strong enough to survive as we also saw each other regularly. <P>It wasn't 7 months ago that he was telling me how much he loved me. Now he says he doesn’t love me anymore and wants out of our marriage. He told me this while I was 3 months pregnant. How can a person be so thoughtless and uncaring?<P>He also said that he wasn’t sure how he felt about me and wanted to try and work on our marriage (that was 2 months ago). He came down to visit and work on our relationship 2 weeks ago. 2 Days after he arrived he told me he does not love me anymore and wants out. How can a person be in 2 minds about something like that.<P>It was devastating to hear such terrible news. For years I have been there for him and done things and we have been happy. Our marriage has taken strain for the last 2 years, but why did’nt he say anything then. For 2 weeks, I have been an emotional wreck, crying, telling him how much I still love him and wanting to try again. He is just not interested.<P>I have spent some time going through various postings and still believe in my heart of hearts that I can make a difference. I am working on an new and improved me and am trying to forgive him as I know we both had our faults. He just does not seem to have any idea of what he has done. Leaving me has seemed so easy for him. What happened to the last 13 years (7 married) of our lives. Surely he must still have some feelings for me even if it is just as a friend for now. So I have some goals to reach and I will try to rectify things from my side. If they don’t work, then I at least know that I have tried my best. And if they don’t work, hopefully I will learn not to make the same mistakes again the next time around.<P>But I still love him so much. There isn’t a night that has gone past where I haven’t dreamt about him. How will I ever get over those feelings. I have lost my best friend, husband and lover all in one and it is not easy to accept. Besides my feelings, I am trying to make things easier for my daughter who does not know (but I guess senses) what is happening. I worry so much about what this will do to her. I feel that I have such a burden to carry. Does it ever get easier?<P>I don’t want to continue rambling on and on but there is strong possibly of OW now and I think that is why he is not open to reconciliation.<P>He has had a taste of the good life since we have been apart (no commitments, no answering to another person, going out with the guys) He wants to be single and do the things he never had a chance to do. And to top it all he has the support of OW who makes him feel great and laugh. They share a lot of time together so I guess there is no hope for me as they are more together than what we can ever be as he will not allow me to come up to where he lives to try and work on our relationship.<P>Could there still be a chance for us and if not where do I go from here?

I thought I should respond to this because I am in the same position with my wife. She told me last week that she does not love me anymore and asked me to move out. It is the most difficult thing I have ever done, From all the people I have spoken with and books I have read, I am giving her all the space that she needs to figure out what is going on.<P>Try to get invloved with counseling. It really helped me identify that although I made some mistakes in how I dealt with the busyness with having small children, I can face this situation knowing that I am not alone. My wife, at this point won't go. I hope she will change her mind on it but i am not pushing her.<P>I also believe that no matter what the outcome I will maintain my dignity and self-respect. I love my wife and my children and will do anything to get the family back together.<P>If I act as if I am falling apart and start clinging to her, I will lose her respect. She asks me to come over to see the kids while she goes to the gym a couple/three times a week and that goes well. I think her seeing me happy and not making this into a situation that is worse than it actually is will only help the situation. When I go over I make sure I clean the house, do the groceries and stay involved with the day to day activities of running a house and raising the kids.<P>I think that she is in a place right now where she needs the space and time to figure out what she wants to do with her life. Through counseling my pastor believes that she has received the confirmation and happiness from her group of friends at work because she was not getting it at home. It is easier to have fun with people who don't have to deal with your day-today activities. I hope that she figures out that we can have fun as a family and keep her friends at the same time. <P>Keep believing in yourself and your marriage and look at this as a temporary situation, one that you and your husband will overcome. Get into counseling and try to get him there as well but don't push.

I feel for you. My husband of 8 years (13 years we have been together)has told me that he doesn't love me anymore and it was the biggest mistake of his life marrying me. This is the same man who had loved me more than anything, more than anyone else ever. He was married before, but his wife had died, and he always would tell me that he wished he had met me years ago. Now he has a girlfrind that he won't admit to. It is a EA, maybe PA. This OW he now calls a family friend, but now she isn't my friend anymore. He refuses to work on our marriage. He says we are married only on paper and that I can use our wedding pictures as paperweights. He has filed for divorce and we will be going to trial. He has told me that the "family friend" will be there to testify what a terrible person I was to him. My H has had a total personality change where I am involved. he has re-written history for us. I cannot believe the things he has told me. I would love nothing more than to work things out, but I cannot do it myself. I have tried plan A, but I get so angry at him and I just get taken advantage of by his daughter. I cannot do plan B. He will not leave and I cannot afford to right now. This pain is slowly killing me and I don't know how much longer I can hold on. I must be able to function and I am having major trouble doing so. I also cried my heart out to him when I first learned of his new feelings, but to no avail. So I just want to say that I think the chances look very poor for you according to my own experience. I'm sorry if that sounds cruel. I haven't yet given up on my H, but everyone is telling me to in order to save my own sanity. I am not perfect. We did have some problems in our marriage that I didn't want to deal with. It was easier to put my head in the sand. But I did not ever want to leave my H, nor did I have an affair. Other people I have talked to told who had problems at home had told me that they only worked things out because of the kids. Otherwise they would have left and never looked back. I feel like a lost soul. I wish you luck in whatever you choose to do. I have no children of my own. Nancy<BR>

After comingout of an EA ( i am the betrayed H) I firmly believe Love is a choice, the emotions come later, granted we all go thru that "In Love experience" when we met our spouses or had an affair, but learning to make the commitment, to decide that divorce is not an option, now getting your spouses to follow this advise? Not sure. Being a Christian sure helped us thru this, we discovered we are not immune from the "A" word like we both thought, we both need emotional love, i.e., our love tanks replenished. Me not going that for my wife contributed to her falling for Mr.OM. <BR>Love is a choice.<P>------------------<BR>jnvc

I want to thank you all for your advice and support.<P>Nancy12 - I feel for you to and although I don't want to give up hope totally, I somehow think that I am fighting a loosing battle.<P>But no matter what happens, I have learned and grown from this experience and I have also worked on myself. I know what went wrong and even If I don't get a chance with this marriage, I know how to keep things on track for next time around.<P>So yes, I have benefitted totally but it is still so hard to go on without him and given half a chance, I will try to rectify matters and show him that I am a better person.

Mark7<P>Thanks for the advice. I have been to counselling. He is not interested. He went once and told me she spoke alot of s***.<P>He will not go again, and I don't think there is anything I can do to convince him that there is still hope for our marriage.<P>He has told me he does not wan't to be married anymore. He wants to be single for now. I think he wants a chance to do all the things he missed out on, but what a sacrifice - to give up your family for your own selfish reasons??<P><BR>