Today was my d's confirmation at church. Last week x asked my permission if she could come to the church and watch. I said that was fine.<p>I had forgotten about the breakfast that morning till I got a call asking how many were attending. So I asked x on Sat if she wanted to come to the breakfast and what was she going to do about the confirmation.<p>She said she wasn't coming to the breakfast and would just drop the kids off and then come back for the service. She said she told our d that it was up to me whether we all sat together. I said it did not matter to me, what ever our d wanted was fine.<p>SO today, as we were waiting for church to start, my d kept asking where mom was and that she wanted to sit down with us. She asked me to go look for her so I did. She finally got there and then came down and sat next to me(we had to move everyone around).<p>As we were sitting there, neither were saying very much and then she asked if I had to wear my glasses all the time( I just started wearing them in Nov) and then we talked about our parents.<p>We then went to the alter together when our daughter was confirmed. After the service was over we were stuck inside the church, a few of the choir members came down and hugged her and they all started crying.<p>X then said she would pick up our son and leave and wouldn't go through the receiving line.<p>I took my daughter out for brunch and then dropped her off at her mothers.<p>It was pretty hard on the x. She thought she could just sneak in the back and sit there unnoticed. It had to be very hard and emotional for her.<p>I did okay through everything. But this evening I was thinking this should have been a nice family day/celebration. Instead, I was all alone. And the kids were off doing who knows what.<p>I guess I will have a lot more of these opportunities as my kids grow.

I can empathize with you and send you big hugs. My divorce isn't even final and I miss sitting down as a family for dinner. We've managed a couple of birthdays during our separation, but nothing as big and formal as you described. I don't know what to say to help, but I do feel for you.

RWD, Not sure what to say, it sounds like you did fairly well through this, I know from your other posts that you x is having a hard time now. It is sad that is takes so long for reality to set in for them and then its too late. My prayers are with you and your family. I am sure future family events will be easier on all.
Take care,
Dave

Yes, Bob, this part is hard, very hard for those of us who have/had a vision of or experience with a good family values system.<p>Right now i have 5 years of similar experiences coming up, although when i can, i avoid sitting with the X, only if the situation requires it. <p>The last time the kids saved a seat for me with their mom at a play and i sat with them, X was overly animated and noisy, because i was there and her colleagues were there, and she is trying to maintain a personality to them contrary to the true personality she knows i have seen, and can describe.<p>so far, i have maintained distance from her colleagues, and her friends, the ones who have radically differnt values than i do. However, for me, their are two different personalities that i have to deal with. . . the public personality which goes overboard with PDA with d without regards to my time, or where we are. . . in hopes of convincing daughter and the world that she is the better parent. . .<p>and the private personality that lets the kids do anything they want, sets very little boundaries with no consequences, and has them focus on her and her activities, and does not give me correct information, conveniently leaves out information to make me look bad, does not structure their lives according to their age. . . in other words, does very little parenting and loves to try to undermine me . . .<p>this week was particularly bad, so just be mindful of possibility of different personalities. although it is more difficult where you did family stuff, 90 % of our interactions were with X's colleagues. . . and virtually non of mine, she didn't like mine and I didn't like hers, so life is very fractured for the kids. . .<p>so make sure your kids don't get too confused or hopeful, and they are able to distingush what they see through rose coloered glasses, and what they don't. and if they see reality, make sure that they don't get overly pessimistic about their expectations. . . <p>good luck, it will be hard, but it gets better with time knowing that you are the one with the head on correctly, and that you don't take X's weirdness personally, its not about you anymore, or other people.<p>good luck.
wiftty

Congratulationson your daughter's confirmation.
I knowitwas not easy for you, your X and not the way it could have been, but this is the reality now of the choices made....<p>I am going to my son's university graduation this weekend. His father is not coming as does not want to make it uncomfortable for son by being together with me at a graduation of 1000s of students! Holy Cow....he cannot even understand that he needs to be there for his son, and needs to behave, as do I, in a way that is comfortable for our son....but this he has not figured out...and after 3 years , still cannot put ANYONE"s needs (other than bimbo) above his own!<p>Anyway I am going.....with 15 year old daughter....and we will have a blast!<p>RWD,Have a great time in TO and enjoy the Lion King. It is supposed to be cool this weekend though

Bob,<p>This entire experience may have touched your ex in more profound ways than you know. This could be a "beginning" of a healing and spiritually renewing experience for her - at least I hope so.<p>What a nice thing for your D to have both parents there!<p>By the way: Have a GREAT trip!!<p>Desiree

My daughter was pretty lucky to have both parents there. Out of 24 kids, there were 3 without any fathers in attendance and as far as I know at least 2 of them are married(the one family lives 2 blocks from the church and the guy couldn't give up an hour!) and one girl had her father, mother and step father in attendance.<p>Willbok,
Have a great time with your daugher and son at graduation.<p>Desiree,
I'm not sure what this will do for her. She did have her potential room mate and his son over Sun afternoon. She also apparently broached the subject to the kids as my son said, "Guess what, Mom may get a room mate!"
She allowed to have friends, so I guess this will be something else I will have to get used to.

Bob,<p>I'm sorry, but I think Carol (think that's her name)is a FOOL! [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I can hardly believe she would be so naive as to get a MALE roommate!! [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>She has not yet learned that playing with matches gets you burned! [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Desiree

Desiree,
I guess she thinks that adding two halves of people will get her a whole person, but it is really multiplying and ending up with quarters.<p>The biggest problem is she doesn't have any female friends except maybe at her new place of work which is 20 miles away. She gave up on all her friends around here. All she has is this guy and he hasn't been in the picture to my knowledge for a long time. It seems like everytime om is out of the picture this guy shows up.

Bob,<p>Well, if this guys hows up whenever OM is not around, then to me that spells double trouble!<p>She just isn't going to "get it", is she? She is too vulnerable right now to put herself in such a position. I'll make the very sad prediction they will be lovers in short order. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Good grief.....Desiree

Desiree,
Two hurting people togther, gee what are the chances.
Bob