Hi friends,<p>I just wanted to post what I'll try to keep "brief", an update on life 2 and a half years after "d" day. <p>I'll be officially divorced for 2 years in October. My kids used to see their dad at OW's house, every other weekend, the first year after H left. He forced them, but they grew to accept it, as he made it clear it was the only way they could see him.<p>ExH and OW were engaged right away. They broke up a few times, are buying a house soon, he says by himself and that he will never marry her now because there are too many problems with her son. He said he "hates the punk". (her son is about 7 now I think, he was 4 when this started).<p>I dated too soon after the discovery and it was a disaster. I am dating now, been together 9 months. He is wonderful but aren't they all in the beginning?<p>The most important part of my post....I just finished semester 2 in college and I got another 4.0!! I'm really proud of this as I work 50 hours a week running a daycare and am very active with my kids. This is not easy for me, but I'm really excited!<p>I have 2 more semesters to go, I graduate in December, and then I'm going to make a new life for me and the girls. A fresh start!<p>Luckily I transferred a lot of credits so I didn't have as much to take this second degree, but things are going ok.<p>I am not completely happy. I am not at peace with the divorce. I miss my H still. I miss my family being "intact". I even miss my ex bf from last year. I don't trust men and I probably never will let myself completely try to. <p>I don't think I have learned how to find complete closure yet, and I also don't think I'm really capable of letting go that much , to find that closure.<p>I don't think about H as much anymore, except that occasional jealousy over OW still. <p>I just wanted to post to my old friends here because I have not been on the forum for about 5 months with college starting and I miss it here. I miss the friendship, the support, the understanding, and it was one of the only places I could turn during the first weeks of the discovery.<p>I miss being able to post something to make someone else feel better, and I'm sad to see so many new "names" here .<p>Hugs, Dana

Listen, I think you have much to be proud of.<p>Congragulations! On everthing [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>You post gives me hope...<p>Dan

Thanks for the update Dana,
For me, my D has been final for 1yr. Like you, this forum got me thru my darkest times from discovery thru the actual divorce. Like, I wasn't alone in all the mess.<p>You should be so proud of yourself! Congratulations on your upcoming graduation. You'll be able to make a fresh start and be proud of your accomplishment.<p>I am sorry for the pain you still feel, I don't think we ever really get over it, but know that you will find happiness again and will trust too!<p>-Petrie<p>[ May 06, 2002: Message edited by: REJECTED ]</p>

Dana,<p>Thank you for your update. Your posts and responses to mine have always been a source of solace and inspiration. I share many of the same feelings you have.<p>{{{{{{{{{{{{{TO YOU!!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<p>Jay B.

Hello Dana.<p>I am one of the newcomers and appreciated reading your status. Could you elaborate on how the kids are doing? I worry constantly about these events wrecking their lives and their turning to things they might not otherwise turn to (drugs, alcohol, bad behavior, etc.). How do you teach them from yours and your husband's past?<p>Thanks
LL

Dana - congrats on another perfect GPA. You should be really proud of yourself. <p>I know what you mean about not fully being over it - and I guess that, though I wouldn't have my x if he came crawling through mountains and deserts, you are never really OVER it.<p>But it's wonderful to hear the update. <p>And remember the nice thing about a LDR is that you have, in many ways, less pressure to decide what to do.

Hey Dana,<p>Way to go on the GPA !!!!<p>Bob

Dana,
[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I am so happy for you....CONGRATULATIONS on your GPA, o the positive direction your life is taking and all the learning you are doing in all areas of your life.

Dana,<p>Liked your update.<p>Congrats on the grades. I am envious. I just finished my last exam!!!!!!!!!!! But I know I got a B but for not studying at all I should be happy.
Now just need to pass the EXCET test & I am done for now.<p>I wonder do you ever stop grieving for your family? I woke up a couple of wks ago & realized I felt happy, really happy for the 1st time in 3 yrs but I can get teary thinking of the lost of family. Or with the new Star Wars coming out, I think I saw all but the 1st one with STBX, it seems funny to think of going to see it without him.<p>I still think about the STBX way too much but I don't think I have him back if he crawled naked through a field of fire ants but I should would love to see it. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>glad you are at peace. I think it is underrated.

Dear Dana,<p>Good to hear from U!!!! I think of you and Kevin (Fof1Hof0) often. If the both of you got a dollar each time I recommended your posts, you 2 would be rich. Think I said it before and I have not stopped recommending your posts since they helped me sooo much. <p>Well you certainly have moved forward with your life. Sounds like that OW is not such a great catch after all......like we didn't know that!! LOL!!! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Despite the setbacks I see that you continue to better yourself. You make me proud. Keep up the good gpa and good work!!!<p>Take care,
L.

(((((((Dana))))))))
It's so nice to hear such good news.
Go on!
IMO one can never be at peace with a divorce, at least I can't but he light in the tunnel starts to be seen. Step by step we have to move forward. I am among the slowest ones but you are wonderful.
Keep us informed from time to time.
love
D

Dana, as usual, I tried to just reply and ended up talking about ME for 90% of the post (giggle) so I made a new thread. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I'm so happy for the progress you've made, you have a great outlook -- and I can empathize with the second thoughts, doubts and missing how it used to be (when it was good).<p>We are going to be fine!! (((Dana)))

All I can say is YOU GO GIRL!!!!<p>Did you see my arms waving???? The commitment and sacrifice you've shown is something that is attempted by few and marveled by many. You truly are an inspiration.<p>My the good Lord bless you and yours......

ohhh Dana!<p>You did so good, your GPA is Fantastic.<p>I'm happy to see life can be better when you let yourself let go and see opportunities where once were roadblocks.<p>I'm so hoping to follow your lead, Hon. <p>God Bless and thanks for sharing. You're missed around here. Please throw a rock now and then so we know you're doing good.<p>Love,
Jo

Dana,<p>Way to go!!<p>Since we are about in the same time line I can relate alot to what you are saying. My Ex just filed for divorce and left the OW who became his wife. They were married about 14 months. He tried to lean on me but I pretty much told him he made his bed. I am in love I mean really in love for the first time in my life. It isn't just the new relationship feeling. It is a whole new feeling for me. We have been to gether now for 8 months.<p>I am happy but yes I to miss my intact family but I don't miss my husband. Sad isn't it. He will be moving to another state 1000 miles away in June and is taking my oldest son who is 16 with him. That really hurts but my son really wants to go.<p>I have a great new job, I like my new home, I am very happy with my relationship. So for me I am happy that what happened did. Not for the children if I could erase all the pain they have endured I would but for myself personally I could not be happier.<p>Congrats on school and hope only for the best for you on your new journey in life.<p>Jill

Hi Dana!<p>Way to go!! I envy your being able to go back to school and do so well. I'm actually considering that myself, but I'm not sure how I can juggle the kids, a new husband and working. I know I could probably do it but it's just the idea of committing myself to it. Who knows? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I did call a school about thier nursing program. You have to apply for it and I asked them to send me an application. We'll see. <p>Take care!
Love and hugs,
Mitzi [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Dana!<p>I am so thrilled to see a post from you! Wow - this is great. What a great reward for all your work. It really doesn't seem like you've been going to school for that long - time sure flies. But then, I guess I've been hanging around here for almost 3 years myself so I guess my concept of time is terrible.<p>I'm doing really good too, finally. I've been blessed in a bunch of ways. Talk to you soon.<p>Take care,

((((((((((hi everyone)))))))))))<p>Hello to everyone,<p>I couldn't believe how many responses I got when I signed on , and once again I was reminded what a great place it is here.<p>I am upset that school takes every moment of my time and I don't have time to visit here as often as I'd like. <p>I am still working 50 hours a week, and this summer I have soccer 2 nights, school 2 nights and 2 online classes. Plus I have to find time for all the homework and my boyfriend.<p>The long distance relationship is helpful in many ways because I know myself, and I'd get lost in a relationship here. At time's it's also the source of my confusion but that is to be expected.<p>My oldest d wrote me a nice letter this morning (she does that a lot) and she gave me some book marks for my school books.<p>I was talking with a friend last night and I realized that a lot of the problems I am having with my children, are that they have some of my traits in them.<p>No, I didn't run around stealing when I was a child, but I admit that me and my best friend took makeup when we were teen agers. (We got caught too!) [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>But I realized that the traits they have that we conflict on, are exactly the traits they will need to succeed when they are older.<p>My youngest is stubborn and won't give up on things. My middle daughter is aggressive and knows how to get what she wants, and my oldest daughter is very smart. She's so mature beyond her years that it's hard for her to relate to kids her age and she gets depressed easily. <p>I look at how I've managed to not only stay alive and succeed but to grow from the divorce and I had no choice but to be stubborn, strong, independent and rely on my "brains" at times to figure things out.<p>As it is now, I tell the kids something to do, and they are stubborn, talk back and refuse to listen to me. My oldest has trouble right now but when she is older and learns social skills, she won't have the issues she has now. I also see that she responds to painful events the way I do, becoming tired, withdrawn and not wanting to eat.<p>I can't very well be angry at the kids for having a little bit of me in them, can I?
[img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I also think that children really do need a positive male and female role model in their life. I think it balances things for them, and I don't really believe that kids from a single parent home do just as well as those from an "intact" home.<p>On the same level, an intact home, doesn't necessarily mean there is love and support either.<p>But what I am saying is that, I'm going thru a period of soul searching right now. Trying to find out where it is I truly belong and what I'm really here for.<p>There are days when I feel like I'm on the right track and other days that I lost my way.<p>Everything I do, starts out for the children, and I never think of myself and what I want. I wonder if that is the source of my grief at times.<p>But the children are going to find their way, they are in counselling and I plan to start as soon as I close daycare and return to work (this Sept or Dec!!)<p>Thank you to everyone who wrote, I miss you guys so much. Please continue to send me info on email and give me a few extra days to respond, it's going to be a TOUGH summer!<p>Hugs, Dana