Hey guys, I'm in the same boat as you are, this is an email my WS/W sent tuesday in reply to I told her for what reason is there a divorce when we been together for 21 years, married 17 and things were fine all that time and now not.....we started dating when she was 16, me 17...married at 21,19...We had fun all these years now look what she writes below...If you look she's trying to justify why I need to move on giving me excuses that I don't even feel myself, but she's trying to justify herself......OM is lurking in the background, wanting for DV next week...It all sounds good below, problem is its from a heart of an Adulter, before the affairs me and my W could not stand to be apart all those years and did everything together.<p>
Email: <p>As for us, we aren't compatible anymore. We don't enjoy the same
things. We don't listen to the same music. The only thing we have in
common is the desire to succeed in business and our children. But even
our methods of succeeding are different. Where I want to be is not
where you want to be (California). Where you want to be is not where I
want to be (Missouri). Even our religious beliefs are different. The
way I handle money is different from the way you handle it. What I like
to cook and eat is different from what you like to cook and eat. The
places that I like to go are not the places you like to go and vice
versa. We are just 2 totally different people now. The woman I am is
not the woman you need. The man you are is not the man I need. We've
lived apart for over a year and we are not the same people anymore.

Everlasting,<p>Those words are almost identical to what my x told me way back when. Different music tastes, different religious beliefs, we are different people, blah, blah, blah.<p>You are right, it is all just justification on their part. Its funny they never brought up any of these things prior to the om showing up.<p>Bob

If your spouse decides you're incompatible, it doesn't matter whether you do listen to the same music and share the same religious beliefs and handle money the same way and like the same foods and activities. My wife and I were quite compatible in all these aspects of our relationship (and more), but that didn't stop her from playing the "incompatibility" card.<p>She claimed that what she wanted and needed was different from what I wanted and needed. But if that was really the issue, I think she would have checked with me first before deciding what it was that I wanted and needed. She didn't, and her guesses were not particularly accurate.<p>Perhaps my wife eventually recognized the absurdity of this attempt at self-justification, because after she left she didn't stick with it for long. Instead, she decided that I was some kind of monster that she had been forced to flee.<p>I find some comfort in the thought that if she had had a legitimate basis for complaint, she wouldn't have had to make up all the lies...

One of the funny things my x said was that she no longer believed God answered prayers, that he was just there for us in the afterlife. This from a born-again Christian.<p>As I sat there dumbstruck, she said see, we can't discuss anything.

It's interesting how things change for the WS's and how they re-create history. However, my W doesn't say we don't like the same things or have things in common. She basically says she didn't like the fact I'm a pickey eater, I'm not a person who is as extroverted as she wants, she doesn't like my sense of humor and that's about it other than she doesn't like me personality and doesn't feel love for me the way a wife should for their husband. Oh, one other thing she told me last week...she's forced herself to make love to me since she's known me because she just doesn't have those feelings for me and isn't attracted to me in that way. 22 1/2 years with a guy she couldn't stand being with in that way...all without ever complaining once? I'm an attractive individual and I'm in great physical shape so I'm not sure what the problem is. Fog talk I guess.<p>Thanks for the info., Everlasting. Interesting to see you have virtually the same length of relationship as I do and you also dated from an early age. I think people who've mentioned a MLC are right on.

WOW EverlastingCompassion, I am so sorry for your pain.<p>I guess you weren't listening when she made her vows to you because they must've gone something like this:<p>I promise to love, cherish, honor and obey
in sickness and in health
for richer for poorer
until death do us part
UNLESS
We stop enjoying the same things.
UNLESS
We stop listening to the same music.
UNLESS
We want to live in separate states.
UNLESS
Our tast for food changes.

I got similar words, and we are very different people still (always were), but its funny how she was the one who changed the most, and i think that the fog is what changed.<p>and there are reasons for my Xs change,
age, hormones, MLC . . . she found new friends who were as selfish as she was. . .<p>for me, I changed slowly as i got more knowledge,
I didn't jump at her manipulative attempts at controlling everything everytime she went out of control.<p>before when the sun was out, everything was OK, but then when the fog came, we are TOTALLY incompatible.

RWD, my wife is a christian also she nows like music that is :<p>Rounchy, Negative that destroys the mind - not the middle of the road stuff its all sex, lust, cheating and heartbreak.<p>She could not stand me to watch sports at home neither would she go to games, she said it was all stupid. Now she goes to most NBA basketball games with her boyfriend and keeps up on teams.<p>She blamed me for God using her at church as she sang and peoples lifes were touched, she said in counseling "why did you make me sing"??? I was dumbfounded when she said that, I had to go ask people around the church if they ever got that impression I did such a thing they all said no, she wanted to sing, she even made the song schedule.
Her major belief now is Adultery, Fornication, Divorce is just a sin like anything else. You just do the sin and move on and God understands, even if you know its wrong before hand. She said God wants her to be happy even if it means getting a divorce she said life even gets better with someone new....<p>Cooking issue - well she never cooked but 2 times a month on average I did all the cooking. Her I idea of a dinner is a salad, not me I need meat potatoes and vegtables..