Since last year out sex life has been litterally non existent. I need to vent this because I feel if I dont it will be the end for us. Last xmas we got a computer and he found his profession which is a web designer. He spends at least 17 hours everyday in front of the computer. He claims there is so much work to do. He closes the den door so no one can come in unless they knock. Claims this is keep him focused in his work. I understand its creative and does take concentration but come on!!!! We never had a whole lot of sex in our relationship but I never went a long time without. Since January we made love 3 times. His exact words to me concerning our frequency or making love is " I am trying to make a living for you and the girls (I have a 11 year old he has a 5 year old) You should treasure and value the relationship for what it is. Meaning dont talk or ask him about sex. When I do I am demanding. Oh yeah and here is another tidbit. He never touches my vagina with his fingers or mouth. Only with his penis...foreplay? Non existent. I dont think I can handle this much longer. He is obsessed with the computer and I am suffering. He does make a great living but please....I rather have less and more of him physically. He dont get that. I swear sometimes I think he is gay and hiding behind this computer thing. He doesn't desire me like other men do their women. Yeah he will kiss me when it suits him. Granted I am getting very *****y and frustrated. This has been going on for well over a year and a half. It was Xmas of 1998 when the computer blitz started. I feel very confused, alone and my only pleasure sexually is pleasing myself. Sad isnt it. I really wish I could work this out but I feel he is not meeting my needs and vice versa. Forget counseling. I cant mention sex, never mind that. I am beginning to feel I want to through in the towel and I dont want to because I love him with all my heart and am grateful for what ever morsel of affection he bestows on me. Man, after saying it, I really am sick. Where is my self esteem??? I think he has takin that away. I dont want a sexless marriage and thats what I feel I got. The last time we were intimate was beginning of Febuary and it was a bust!! He went limp after 2 minutes. Something is up and Im afraid it is not him. Please is there anyone willing to help me figure this out???<BR>He is cleary obsessed with the computer and most likely what is on the internet allthough he claims he is working all those hours, yeah right. What a idiot he must think I am. You know I was beginning to believe him because I wanted to so much. Im sure other web designers/developers have sex, marriage and still value and treasure there wives. Please I am deperate!!! Help.

Hate to be the one to bring this up...but he has access to LOTS of porn on that computer. Could that be why he is having sex with you less often? My H is also obsessed with the computer (doesn't make his living from it), and he is also obsessed with the pictures he can find there. At least you're not alone!

Shana, my husband also is weird in the sex department and a very difficult subbject to fix, there has to be a lot right in the relationship in order to have the you -know-whats to hang in there and want to fix the problem. He doesn't touch your vagina with his mouth or hands? Is he in a rush during sex? Do you do all the work in the sex department? I think we have and idea of what sex should be in our marriages and when it isn't it totally throws us off. Men should just do certain things and women should just do certain things and that is that. Why does it have to be so complicated. As far as what he is looking at on the computer--I say whatever-- but is he hiding something? Hopefully he isn't. I am not trying to plant ideas in your head and marriage is based on trust so you have to trust him until he gives you a reason not to and you have everyright to question the no sex and so many hours on the puter, so stand up straight and tall and get to the bottom of this crap and be strong, no one can do it for you. Here is and Idea--you obviosly have puter access, so look up his deleted stuff if it makes you feel better. Go to your mail server main page and hit "inbox"---hit "deleted items" and see what's up, it's an option--I hope this is not bad advice, but if you can't bring up sex I would be very frustrated and would start there--2 wrongs don't make a right, and I hope I am not fueling your fire, it's is what I would do though. good luck