Wife of 15 years walked out end of Jan. left me with 3 kids, 2 teens. living with male co worker (relationship)She says she has filed for divorce. I asswume as soon as I get the tax returns back and give her half that she will pay lawyer and processs will move on? I am standing for restoration, I am sure OM is more fun bla bla bla, God is really changing me, I can see where I was no fun to be around, and never emotionally there for her. reading what I can on the subject praying she will see OM as a vulture who got her emotionally involved before she legt me. trying to stay back and give her space. WHAT WLSE CAN I DO? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>God is really changing me, I can see where I was no fun to be around, and never emotionally there for her. reading what I can on the subject praying she will see OM as a vulture who got her emotionally involved before she legt me. trying to stay back and give her space. <hr></blockquote><p>Chris,<p>I'm wondering, tho, if you WOULD have jumped off the pot if she hadn't been in involved with OM? It's easy to think we would have changed but I sometimes doubt it. My h had to leave to pursue someone else before I realized that I needed to make changes, even though he had been telling me that for a couple of years.<p>The situation stinks fer shur but I think at this point all you can do is Plan A and be patient. Things will most likely be up and down with OM as well--all relationships have probs--and you may just be the guy she turns to then. But maybe not. You need to do whatever you have to do to move on with your life as it is now.

Chris I just got divorced last month wife cheated on me one too many times. I also have two kids. The best thing you can do is focus on your children and draw strength from them. Do you still love your wife? Is it relly to late to save your marriage?

No I would not have changed without this mess in my life, I am thankful that she left me, I would not want to spend one more day as the person I was.
YES, I do love my wife more thatn I ever knew, I forgive her without her asking. I see her as a victim in this as much as anyone. She has ben unhappy for some time ansd now she thinks she is happy.

Still standing for restoration. Wife may have alot of time alone this weekend. hope she takes time to think things through.

It may not be that she is HAPPY now but she's less unhappy. I would give it time...she does need to sort things out for herself. I know it's hard and hurtful but patience is, after all, a virtue. <p>Try to plan something nice and fun to do this weekend so that you're not home stewing about what she's thinking.

Please read the welcome post at the beginning of the discussion board and read up all you can on this website.<p>I would also read SAA (Surviving and Affair) and HN/HN (His Needs Her Needs) both by Harley.<p>Then you will have a better understanding of what your wife and you are going through.<p>The reality of the situation is is that right now your wife is probably not thinking clearly and may not be able to make a rational decision to return to the marriage - however this does not mean that yoru marriage is over.<p>TIME is on your side - time is needed for the infatuation to end- which takes 6months to 2 years.<p>Don't make any rush decisions about divorce or selling anything until you give this a little time to pan out and see what is really going on.<p>The one who has left always wants to rush into things and get on with their new life, but then they mostly regret it because it was only an infatuation and not true love - but you can't tell them that while they are doing it because they won't believe you.<p>Just get a support system together for you and your family, and try Plan A and be patient! K

wife seems to just hate me. she is turning into the person she is with. she now likes motorcyles and they go riding on the wwekends. they have alot of fun, bla bla bla. She told the kids if they do not want to be around chuck then it will be hard for them to have fun with her this summer. The pains seems to be constant and almost unbearable at this time.

Once againg told wife I was sorry for everything and that there is lots of help out there for any situation including ours. She does not want to hear it, says she just wants to get this divorce over.

wife said she wants this over and has startd a new relationship, a very fun one. she has not been able to come up with the filing fees

Hi, Chris,<p>I read your thread this morning, and realized I was reading OUR story!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Sit tight. As has been suggested, this relationship (w/om) cannot last....it is based on fiction, "fog" etc, but you must be willing to wait it out (could go into 2 years!). It is a good thing that she doesn't have the filing fees!! My H's ow GAVE HIM THE MONEY. <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" /> <p>You said "God is really changing me...." and I understand that completely! I was not a very "fun" person to be around, either, which is what drove H to ow. I realize that now, and I am praying for God to give me another chance w/H. I believe He WILL!!<p>I also apologized to WH, asked for forgiveness, and suggested that WE could get counseling and fix this, but he doesn't want to hear it, while everything is still all rosy w/ow. Gotta be willing to work on ME, not US, and just wait it out.<p>So, I am learning/growing/changing to be the kind of W I must be, and I will wait until GOD KNOWS the time is perfect to restore us....it will be at that point that WH will change his heart to want to work WITH me to fix things.<p>This is YOUR time now. Forget about what WW is doing....other than the hurt it is causing your children. Forget about what she is becoming like. Remember, God can CHANGE HER HEART in the blink of an eye, when HE IS READY!<p>Get YOURSELF ready. Give yourself totally to Him to transform YOU, make you the kind of H and father He wants you to be for HIS KINGDOM, and leave the rest to Him!!<p>HE WANTS TO RESTORE YOUR M. Believe that, and claim it.<p>God Bless your Stand.

Hi Chris,

I'm sorry to hear of your situation.

I'm going through a similiar situation as you are to a degree. The best advice I can give you at this point is this.

Focus on you and your family, and pray!

Try not to beat yourself up. Your going to need all the energy you can muster, to get you and your family through this no matter what the outcome.

You have got some good advice so far I would listen to it, and read... it will help you better understand what it is that you and your children are dealing with, from all aspects.

Hang in there.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

I WOULD LIKE TO POST SOMETHING THAT I WROTE A FEW DAY AGO WHEN THING WERE GETTING OVERWHELMING EMOTIONALLY.<p>Depression and hopelessness seek to lay hold of me. I find it so easy at times to give in to them, thereby feeding on the despair that they bring. It is a lonely and empty place. Time seems to both stand still, and immeasurably pass in this place. It is as if a weight is placed on my chest, that cannot be lifted. Or the feeling of being strapped in an electric chair, not for execution just for incapacitation, as if I cannot even lift and arm. It is a vicious and blinding foe, for every time I give in, it seems to grow stronger. Again incapacitating me, isolating me from everyone around me, feeding all the things which I want to die. It taints my every action and reaction, causing me to continue to respond incorrectly to those closest to me, thereby instead of cutting off the cycle of hurt, I end up being a willing or unaware partner in perpetuating the cycle of pain. As I sit in this place of isolation feeling sorry, as if no one could possibly understand this pain, I am reminded that my savior felt this rejection along with the sin of the world on his back. He could have removed him self from the pain, but chose to carry the burden. As I cry out to my God I realize that I have no time for this. As I call out to him in worship, he will lift this un liftable weight off of me, but he will not remove the pain, the pain he seems to leave in order to shape me into something new. The pain will not leave, every time I think of my precious wife and the bondage that she is in, that at this time to her feels like freedom. It was my years of neglect, manipulation, indifference and hard headedness that have programmed her, now that even living in blatant sin and running from God and her family feel like freedom compared to living in a relationship with no relationship. Again I regress and realize again I need to cry out to my God.
My God I worship you, I thank you for my beautiful precious wife, I thank you for this chance to change and grow more like you. Again I am reminded that God does not intend for me to live in this valley, but to walk through it. How long will I walk through it? I do not know, and maybe the question itself is a deception. Maybe the length of time is not the issue, but rather the distance I travel. Once again I choose to quit looking down. As I look up I see once again that I have been walking in circles, stumbling over things that I have previously had victory over. I choose now to set my face like flint to the goal ahead. God when I see my beautiful wife help me to see the future restoration, not the current destruction. I once again release your daughter to you God, be her God, Draw her to you. Keep my feet pointed straight ahead. There is no time for the incapacitation any more, the pain is not more than I can bear, because you promise that you will not put more on us than we can bear. I have no time to look back again, there are too many things to do too many things to accomplish, too much personal growth to experience. Why do I ask god bring her home now, I cant wait a year or two. That is such a short time to accomplish all that God and I need to accomplish in my life, in my home, in my children, and in my wife. God my God I cry out to you, you see every tear I cry and you hold them, to be released as tears of joy in the future. You have seen every tear that my wife has cried, I know you are also holding those. God I ask for wisdom in walking this out. Bless my family indeed, keep your hand upon me, and keep me from evil that I may not cause pain. Help me God to keep my eyes off of the situation and on the solution, You.
[img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

That was beautiful. And God heard every word.<p>You are gong to have lots of those emotions but the important thing to do is to continue to offer it up to God. He will get you through this - he really will. Every time I would think that I couldn't go on - I'd cry out to God and He would comfort me - it was really weird, but it worked.<p>Make sure you have a good support system - family, friends, counselor, priest/minister or bible study group. This will get you through, along with a strong reliance upon God. <p>Find some prayers that bring you peace, the Pslams in the bible are always really great. If you want to be proactive then buy the book A Praying Husband - it has prayers for your wife.<p>Remember to take care of yourself and your family right now too. I know it's hard, but it's important.<p>Remember too that your wife has FREE WILL, and although it hurts us to see someone we love destroying themselves and others, it's their choice and they might not be the person that we used to know - at least at the present moment. <p>Still don't rush things, especially the divorce. Just don't respond when she talks about it - just tell her to do what she feels is best(she'll do what she feels best anyway). Try to read about and work on Plan A.<p>May God comfort you and carry you through. K

Thanks GIC [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Wife asked me to go to lawyer with her this Wed to help finalize paperwork. NOW WHAT?

Wednesday came and went, I guess I'm in limbo now.

Anyone still out there?
Well thursday night Erikas female friend from work served me with paprers. I have 30 days to respond. I am still set on not getting a lawyer to fight my wife. any suggestions?

Chris,

I understand about not getting a lawyer, however, understand this: IF you do not have a lawyer, it is harder to STALL this thing. Stalling allows your WS the time you will need to "show" her your changes/Plan A, and to allow her A to "show all its warts."

You will probably HAVE to "answer" the paperwork....with your response. I'm pretty sure you can find out how to do this on your own, if you're interested in doing so. My own suggestion is that you do this. If you do not "answer" the paperwork, then the div. can be granted at the end of the 30 days. The longer this "thing" drags on, the harder it is to maintain their "fantasy world" your W has put herself in.

Continue to work on yourself in Plan A, becoming the BEST you can become! You can do nothing to change her mind at this point, so all you can do is ride it out.

Let me add that my H has become angrier and ANGRIER with each passing day. It took over a year for the Dv. to reach the finale, but no matter, my H was STILL angry! Of course, he claims to be angry cause it took so long to GET DIVORCED, which is all he wanted!! He is convinced that will bring him the happiness he's searching/running to find.

What I'm using my situation to say to you is, Chris, if you are convinced GOD wants you to stand for your M, then STAND. There's nothing more difficult you will be able to do, but you can do this, with God's help!!

Pray, ask HIM to direct your steps, and then follow the path you believe He is taking you. The rest will all work out, if you have God's Peace in your soul.

I'm praying for you!

meeting wife tonight to discuss splitting the bills and what happens withthe house. going as humble as possible, hope she sees something in me that attractcts her.she still says bizarre things to the kids sometimes.