I have a moral dilemma. I work with a woman who is engaged and living with her fiance. I've known her for several years and have known for awhile that she's been unhappy in her relationsip. I also know her fiance, and although I've never thought they were a good match (personality differences), he is a very nice man who treats her well. I recently found out (she does not know this) that she met another man while on a business trip and is planning to meet him for an upcoming weekend. I don't want to betray my friend, but I think what she's doing is wrong and I like her fiance and don't want to see him get hurt. Should I tip him off or let this run it's own course without my involvement? I know I would want someone to tell me if they knew I was about to be betrayed. However, she also has a young son and I'm afraid her fiance might become angry and kick her out. Advice, anyone?

Jamie2,<P>It might be more appropriate and beneficial to talk with your friend about your concerns. From your post it sounds like she hasn't betrayed her fiance yet but is planning to. Give her the chance to do the right thing and break off her engagement. She should do this (IMHO) even if she intends to just explore the possibility of another realtionship. Her situation is of course complicated by the fact that she is living with her fiance. (Another reason not to do this...end of sermon) If she says she has no intentions of telling her fiance you have a perfect opportunity to tell her that in that case you will tell him. (only if you want to take it this far) <P>Mud

Mudder - Whenever I see your posts in the forum, your username always makes me think of Mulder from the X-Files! <BR>While talking to her seems to be the first logical step, I believe she is so obsessed with this new man that it wouldn't stop the meeting from happening. And if I had threatened to tell her fiance if she did meet with him, then obviously she would know who told him. If I tell him, it would have to be an "anonymous tip" because we work together and if she knew I told him, things would get really nasty in the office. Also, I have some concern that it would anger my supervisor, since part of my job entails monitoring the e-mail system (which is how I found out)and I believe she would not look kindly on my using this personal information in any way.

Jamie2,<P>Just to clear up any confusion about my user name "Mudder" is a reference to my mountain biking which often leads me into very muddy situations.<P>Initially you stated that you had a "moral dilemma" and you do. Because of how you found out about this little get together you may not be in a position to tell the fiance after your talk with your friend. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't still tell your friend how you feel about her plans. Even if she goes ahead with this meeting behind her fiance's back you will have done the right thing. Remember you can't control her actions but you can control yours.<P>What would you do if you saw a friend steel something. A good friend would confront them and try and help them see the error of their ways. We do this becasue we don't want them to be hurt or to hurt others. So I still say you need to talk to your friend.<P>To go behind her back and use this personal (and probably confidential) information in any other way would be (i.e. anonymously) (IMO) wrong. <BR>