Next Tuesday night, I think will be my last marriage counseling session with my wife. She filed for divorce on Friday and called me to tell me about it. I got the gut feeling that our next session will be the last one.
My back story can be found here:<p>
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=34&t=006145<p>I wrote this letter to give to her when I see her at the session. I abbreviated our names for this post. Please tell me what you think.<p>
Dear J,<p>I understand and accept that right now your biggest need is to move on from our relationship. I want to say again, I am willing to do whatever I can to repair our marriage. I love you, and I want for us to be husband and wife again. However, I understand that it takes two to make a marriage work and that it takes time and patience.<p>I have loved, respected and admired you since our relationship began. I have always thought and felt this way. I tried to be caring and giving, and to support your choices and pursuits. I wanted to be there when you needed me. I tried to do what I thought was best and I made many mistakes along the way. I’ve learned so much from this experience. I want to avoid repeating the mistakes of the past. Unfortunately sometimes the cost of making mistakes can be very high.
I‘m sorry for my part in creating the environment that helped make the problems in our relationship possible. Although I have loved you since the beginning of our relationship, I think I made you feel that you were disrespected and blamed for the problems in our marriage, it never was my intention but that was how I made you feel. There were things I said and did that hurt you and made you angry and I understand at times you were scared. I’m sorry I made you feel bad and I wish that would not have happened. Had I known what I know now, it never would have. I had good intentions, but a bad approach. I loved and cherished you, and I was so happy that you were my girl, but I didn’t always express this the way you needed. We all have basic needs, and I think we never found out what each of ours were and that caused a lot of pain and hurt. For my part, I’m sorry. I’m working on being a better person.<p>I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage, and to meet each other’s needs while avoiding hurt. I want to be your husband, lover and your friend while building a new lifestyle together where we are there for each other. This is why I am going to our marriage counseling sessions. I understand that your reasons for being there now are not the same, and that you see the sessions as a way to resolve certain issues between us, I respect and appreciate how you feel, and I understand that these certain issues would not be to rebuild our marriage from your perspective. Thank you for being honest and sharing your intentions with me. I know our issues will be resolved one way or another.<p>You’ve said that you have love for me, but are not in love with me and that you can never see yourself in love with me again. You said things aren’t improving and that is why you need to move on. I respect you and your need to move on from the relationship, and understand that you are doing what you feel you must. I think everyone must do what is in their best interest.<p>The last few months have been hard, but my life is bettering in many key areas and I’m looking forward to the future. I know in the end I will be fine and my life will continue to improve. In time, my strong feelings and my heart will change and my love for you will take on new meaning.
We were friends before we were lovers, perhaps we will only be friends again.<p>For now, I love you and I wish you well. I hope you find what you are after in life.<p>Your husband and friend,<p>E
