I want ask for opinions regarding whether I should financially separate from my wife due to the possible divorce she has said she is going to file. We have a joint account. Currently, I have been in plan A mode and am working hard at showing her and the kids how much they mean to me. I guess I cannot say that progress is being made as it is too early. I am really confused on what to do. Most of my close friends that know the situation as it stands now, have advised me to get some legal advice. Well I have considered that, but am afraid that I may be jumping the gun. If I spend money to get legal advice the wife will know as we share a joint checking account. I do not want to make it seem that I am accepting divorce, because that is not what I want. Should I continue plan A and wait till she serves me then get legal advice? What is the time frame for answering a divorce petition? I am also confused in the respect that we still sleep on the same bed and “spoon” but that is where it stops. She even gave me a kiss on the cheek goodbye as she was leaving for work this morning. I have to admit that intimacy is a defining factor that I use to gauge how our relationship is going ( I am a typical guy I know), but she says she is not in the mood, I guess I should understand that she is not emotionally there with me right now. Another factor I am dealing with is that her new job as a correctional officer in a mens facility has affected her emotionally on the intimacy side. She see’s some pretty hanous things that the men do. I do not care to get too graphic, but since she is so new at this job I can see that the last thing she wants to see is another “unit”, much less mine. Any opinions would be appreciated. On another note, I asked if we could be intimate Saturday evening but she turned me down letting me know that not until her parents leave. They have been visiting for three weeks now. Should I take that as a good sign? It has been difficult having them here and trying to work on myself all the while knowing how she feels about the marriage. She did say thanks for taking her and her parents to dinner last night. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

I think that she is trying humble. Signs of affection from her are her attempt to bridge the gap that she feels between the two of you. <p>If in fact she is trying (your post seems full of very positive signs), then separating the accounts would be like a slap in the face to her. It would tell her that you are taking more steps in the direction of total separation. <p>Consultations with lawyers are often free. If you really feel the need to see one. Frankly, your story seems like the most positive one I've seen in a while. Don't blow it.

Thanks H99,
I am not sure what to think really..She occasionally calls me sweetheart and honey, and always responds back with an I love you too if I say it. I am trying not to be needy, and limit the amount of contact as not to seem pushy. I want this to work soooo badly my stomach is contantly in knots. She appears to like the new her, Independant, since she got the job recently, and I too thinks it is good, but I miss the sweet angel that she was. To be honest feel like doo-doo for creating the environment that led to her wanted a divorce. I guess i should also feel lucky she has not asked me to move out also. That allows me the ability to work the paln A more aggresively.

bump

humble,<p>Working on ourselves is all we can do. If working has boosted her self esteem, then I would suggest that you back her 100%. It would feel like a step backwards to her to go back to where she was if she was not feeling good about herself then.<p>Have you figured out what her ENs are? Have you guys filled out the EN questionaires? And more importantly, the LB questionaire?

No I have not attempted to have her fill out any of the questionares as I get the feeeling that she may shoot them down, after all she told me in front of the coundselor that we are done and that I am in denial about the marriage being over. Heck yes I am in denail. She has said that I should know what she needs, and if I have not figured that out then our marriage is a lost cause.