I have only posted a few times here, and all of the post only told the story of my fallen marriage as I viewed it. I tried to escape my own part in the destruction of the marriage because of my pride and arrogance. The first psycologist I seen said I was bi-polar, and even the physciatrist agreed without even asking me any questions. And because of my stupid pride, I naturally went a long with it, eventhough I new deep down inside it was a lie. Sure, the antidepressants worked, but my depression was the result of my own denial of my real problems. I am now just beginning to see how my arrogance and pride has affected my wife for the past 15 years. I intentually hurt her emotionally by making her hurt when I felt inadequate in myself, and when I seen her hurt, I felt better. This would be a cycle that would become a way of life for me, and for her, but only for so long. I think it was about a year a go when I noticed that that she was a stronger person and wasn't going to be sucked in no more by my childish ways. I had no idea what I was going to do then, this had become a way of life for me, now my security blanket as I made her was snatched from under me. That didn't stop me from trying to hurt her though, I turned up the heat, and she didn't buy it. Now only after filling for divorce, she has broken away from my destructive behavior. Well, my super ego could not except this, so I lied once again, mainly to myself. But now I can not go on in this cycle of disfunction. God sent a messenger into my life 2 days ago, this person knew that I was going through a divorce but that is all she new, I had just met her for the first time when she shared what she did. All I can say is that she confirmed what God had been dealing with me about in the last 24 hours. The amazing thing is that I accepted everything she said with humility. I told her that God had sent her to tell me this, and I will always believe that. Eventhough my wife has filed for divorce, and I know it is too late for us, maybe this can save someone elses marriage from divorce. Eventhough I hurt my wife as a result of my pride, I never wanted this in our marriage. I trully loved her with all my heart, but I also loved myself way too much. Now I will be in counseling for a while and try to get to the real me, not who I think I am. I wonder how many people are doing the same things and are hiding beneath medicine or pride or whatever and not being honest. Don't wait till you lose what is most important to you before come clean, do it now, you will be glad you did. May God help me.

Have you been able to go to your wife and apologize to her? Have you been able to sit down with her and share with her what you've shared here?<p>Maybe if you do and explain to her what you've shared here, who knows..after you've been in counseling for awhile you two can work things out..and maybe if the divorce isn't final yet
you can ask if she could wait a for a year..as you work on these issues and change..so that you can have a better marriage..<p>maybe invite her to one of your counseling sessions so you can talk to her..and let her know
that you've lied in the past, and that you realize
you've hurt her intentionally..be honest and open..with her..and not just yourself..and who knows..God may still be able to repair your broken
marriage..

I am afraid at this point she has made up her mind. I also think that she will think it is another ploy to get her back. Don't get me wrong, I would do anything to save the marriage and get her back, but I think that I need to let her go and she how she feels later down the road. I have written in great detail of the shame I feel for doing this to her in a lengthy letter. It is hard to explain in conversation all the things that I feel without leaving something out. It took several hours as well as two days to write it down on paper, however I do plan on telling her that I am sorry for what I have put her thru. I trully love her and don't know how I will ever live without her, but I have to let her go.

Then tell her and still let her go..don't try and
force anything..and let her see the changes in you
from a distance..<p>I still watch my ex from a distance to see if there are any changes..haven't seen any though..
so I know his words are still lies..

I agree... I think it is very therapeutic to admit your wrongdoings both for you and for her (that's probably why it's also in almost every 12 step program). If you are concerned with it sounding like a ploy, then just tell her it a part of your therapy.