hi, 43 yoa.I became seperated last april 01 (devistated/crushed). i was always in love with 36 yoa.wife. she is beautiful but we fought alot. together for 18 yrs. I have two kids 12/13. my wife requested me to leave my job after 23 years due to emotional strain at which time i did june 01. what a mistake believing i would get back together with her (it didn't happen) she began dating a professional guy 33 yoa.in july 01, who works close by our home. she pushed hard for a divorce and gave me a sweet deal at which time i finalized it april 02. I have given her everything she wanted/needed all along $$(door mat)but (never no progress,not even a hug)since feb.02 i have tried to be a friend to her something she states we never were from the beginning. she tells me the new guy is really nice but she struggles daily with relationship issues, and doesn't know where her life is taking her? I can tell she is emotionally stressed always. tried to get her to take meds but she will not. she is also struggling financially without much work. again i have been continuing like a dumb [censored] taking care of her thinking maybe things will change, until yesterday.
on mothers day may 12, 02 my 12 year old daughter came to me and said mommy got engaged to boyf. i almost fell through the floor in shock. i cannot break the connection from her because we talk almost daily in spite of the many times that i have tried to block my number etc.. it doesn't work because of the kids & i give in. or she will pull in the driveway and i will go out and talk etc..
today i am trying again to sever this talking and seeing each other so i don't have to go through this emotional pain especially now since she got engaged. i really want her back but i don't think it will ever happen. i have been dating different woman but it is not the same. (i know this is not all there is to a mate but it is engrained in my head.) i cannot even perform with other woman because of this problem. Q. what should I do ? could her relationship fail since she moved right into a relationship after our seperation ? i read chances are slimmer.
i feel like she has me where she wants me ?
i went for help it doesn't work or heal my pain and yearning. should i stop seeing and talking to her??? thanks for listening. please help

Normj, I think she has not come back because she is getting the best of both worlds, you are stil her emotional and financial support. You need to stop this, go to Plan B, Stop all contact with her. I have kids too so you will have to have some contact but you can limit this to close to zero if you try. Start action like you are divorced, show her reality, show her life without you, you might be surprised.<p>If you really want your M back, I also suggest that you stop seeing other people, spend this time to work on yourself and become a better person. How can you be in a relationship when you love your WS? You can, so why are you there.
Take care, good luck,
Dave

i guess i have been trying to move forward by just dating others off and on nothing steady. maybe truly in my mind i would really like to meet someone special, i think this is another reason i may be stuck. i have been working on myself and all for the past year. i am learning to be independant something i never was since i left home at 28 and got married to her. what a mistake staying home all those years. it helps financially but does nothing to help being independant and learning to live on your own. her on the other hand left home at 22 and came with me in marriage, after a tuff home life which is where i think her issues come from of flight. she had a terrible relationship with her mom and dad who tried to always control her at which toime she would run. just like she did when we were married. never happy no matter what she had or was given. always having a seperate check book loaded with money each month. diamonds jewelry, cars etc... nothing seems to make her happy. oh well lets see if i can stick to plan (b) where can i read about this plan. thanks again :normj

Normj,<p>I agree 100% on what davepr wrote. Remember, you are divorced. You need to work on yourself first instead of Ex. Start healing ASAP and move on. If something between Ex and yourself is there, it might show at some point, but don't stand around and wait for it.<p>Good luck<p>Dino