You know I have been so "through" with my husband for so long, I never realized how much it would hurt to continue to see the signs that he is pursuing other women.<p>I just can't take the pain of this final betrayal.<p>I am going to file.

Sorry to hear that h99. Did you ever talk to him about the charge on the credit card statement for that dating service (or whatever it was)? If he's refusing to participate in your marriage, your options are pretty limited. He's going to have the same baggage in his next relationship that he has now. He probably doesn't see it that way. You are destined for a better place. Best wishes for smooth sailing.

H99,
Sorry to hear you've come to the final decison to file. I have followed your story and others for a long time. I am not in much better shape, for the fact that I expect my wife to file on me soon. I have not gotten an attorney yet and pray daily that the changes in me will have an impact on changing our status. I am literally walking on eggshells around my house, and working really hard at trying not to LB. I have been trying to meet my wifes needs daily since last Wednesday and see lettle rays of hope here and there. I am so paraniod about having driven her to this point that even this morning, I suspected her of having sex with another man. I found white stains on her panties she left on the bathroon floor. I am literally driving myself nuts, cant work cant sleep and lost 7 lbs since last monday. Luckily for me the in-laws go home todayand I will get a better feeling how my plan A is working. I understand that i cannot make her change her mind, but pray daily that my efforts will salvage our marriage. I know you must be sad. I am sad and feel like a failure as a husband and father to let my marriage get to this point. All I can say is that if in your heart that you feel that you have given the marriage your best to survive you can at least have a clear consious that you gavr it your all. Best wishes....

He tried to argue me over to his way of thinking, I remained adamant that we both needed to change our interaction. I changed mine with the help of a therapist, he continued in therapy but did not work.<p>He has an MO of finding another woman during the "end" of a relationship. When I met him he told me not to be surprised if another woman answered the phone if I called his house. He had a roommate. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]
Evidence continued to turn up for a couple of years after I moved in with him, that his relationship with this woman was not just roommates, as I found notes, cards, and gift tags while cleaning closets, spare rooms, etc. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]
I wonder what the next woman will hear from him, because his story for all his previous loves were that he suspects they were cheating on him.
Guess I'm just another cheater. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Iam so sorry H99. I too know that empty feeling of wondering what the ex will say about you. I don't know why that hurts so bad. I think it is because you wonder how someone and your relationship with that person could mean so much to you; you shared so much with that person and yet they will explain it (the relationship marriage)to somebody else as a mistake. Take care, many hugs.
Al

Someone just told me to get "Living with a Liar" by Susan Forward. She also wrote "Emotional Blackmail"<p>I feel like everything he ever told me was a lie. Time after time the truth would stare me in the face and I would deny it.<p>The latest being "I want to work on our marriage", while he is dating other women.<p>Should we invite them to our therapy sessions?!! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

H99,
Hop in, this boat is going down the same river! I have reached the end of my hope also. I completely understand where you are coming from. There comes a time when you have to let your loved one sink or swim. I have an appointment with my attorney tomorrow to get the paper work rolling. Divorce is the last thing I ever wanted but the time has come to stop the ride one way or another. My 33 year old wife is still chasing after her 23 year old lover and I've had enough. Match, set ,point. The kids and I are moving on.<p>Chin up better days are ahead! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Sunrays and Saturdays,
Craig<p>[ May 14, 2002: Message edited by: Raysofhope ]</p>

Hi Anne,<p>Sorry to hear of your unbearable position. . . unfortunately, narcissism is built in, and unless they have more to lose than the effort to change, there is very little hope of their changing. . .<p>built in meaning, its their way of seeing life as normal, and therefore, why change normal?<p>alas, you know all this, and i wish you well and good luck. . . . take care of those kidos as it will be difficult for them. . . <p>tom

Hi Anne,<p>Sorry to hear of your unbearable position. . . unfortunately, narcissism is built in, and unless they have more to lose than the effort to change, there is very little hope of their changing. . .<p>built in meaning, its their way of seeing life as normal, and therefore, why change normal?<p>alas, you know all this, and i wish you well and good luck. . . . take care of those kidos as it will be difficult for them. . . <p>tom

tom,<p>Your divorce seemed very quick and inexpensive - how did you manage that? Or did I get the wrong impression?

cheap as in mediation, at $75 hour and about 10 hours, then legal review, etc. and since both parties agree and have an agreement, the judge doesn't have to do much. . .<p>so it appears quick. . . . and cheap. . .
my lawyer, whom i met when i was 13, whose father was my parents' eye doctor, didn't require a retainer, and i ran up about $2,000 with him, max. . .<p>so in that respect, it was. . . but your H doesn't sound reasonable.. . i am usually fair and reasonable. . . and i was the one who was. . .<p>good luck