We've been married almost two years and I we've fought about the normal subjects of sex and money, but lately I have not been getting what I need from our marriage. I am a very sexual person and my husband's constant rejection hurts me very much. I think "normal" is 3 times a week, he believes "normal" is 4 times a month. We got into a fight last night in which he almost stormed out, but we talked it through and he believes that he is overweight. He is 6' and weighs 187 lbs, which I KNOW is normal, but he is not toned in his stomach or arms. This is a real self esteem issue! He mentioned it a few times before, but I did not take him seriously. He is in the Navy and his job causes him to be very tired, so he does not exercise as he would like to. I understand now that this self esteem issue was at the root of all our earlier fights, and I don't know how to help him. I have supported him and loved him and I think that he looks fantastic, but he doesn't think so. Nothing I saw can convince him. This causes are sex life to screech to a halt, and he won't go to the beach or any other outdoor activity. He's tried the Metabolife pills, but they simple make him lose weight, which is not what he needs. He believes drinks and supplements will help him to build muscle and get the body he wants, and I know it won't. How do I make him feel good about himself? More importantly, how do HELP him? I resolved to slow down my sex drive because I did not realize it was hurting him so much. He has no sexual desire inside of him, and our fights stemmed from my belief that it was something about me. Please, anybody that has gone through anything similar write me and tell your experiences and solutions. I feel powerless and can think of nothing to do.

Shyrah your husband is obviously not feeling<BR>too good about himself and this has had an<BR>effect on your sex life. I am a weight loss<BR>fitness consultant and can guarantee him that<BR>pills and drinks do not work! Sensible eating<BR>at regular intervals combined with moderate<BR>exercise results in healthy weight loss. Keeping fat grams down to 30g of fat per day<BR>and 'regular' exercise (even if it's just for<BR>10-15mins per day) will increase his metabolism which will help to burn that fat away. Also, exercising first thing in the morning helps to burn it quicker. A few bar-bells/ dumbells can do wonders for his arms and chest. There are many good books available on technique. I hope this helps.<P>------------------<BR>SDV

Shyrah your husband is obviously not feeling<BR>too good about himself and this has had an<BR>effect on your sex life. I am a weight loss<BR>fitness consultant and can guarantee him that<BR>pills and drinks do not work! Sensible eating<BR>at regular intervals combined with moderate<BR>exercise results in healthy weight loss. Keeping fat grams down to 30g of fat per day<BR>and 'regular' exercise (even if it's just for<BR>10-15mins per day) will increase his metabolism which will help to burn that fat away. Also, exercising first thing in the morning helps to burn it quicker. A few bar-bells/ dumbells can do wonders for his arms and chest. There are many good books available on technique. I hope this helps.<P>------------------<BR>SDV

I did not realize the effect that my self-image had on our life in the bedroom (and elsewere) until after my wife left. When I had time to examine not just why I did what I did, I also had time to look at all the things it effected in the relationship. I would have been greatful to have married a woman with your need for intimacy but back when I had an extra four inches in the waist (now I finally reduced back to 32) I did not feel lovable. Most of it was a diet change.<BR> <BR> I am beginning, now that the weather is warming, to think about the bike and hiking after work. I only wish my wife could be here to share with my renewed "self". Do not quit!<P>RRUNRR<BR>