Hi,<p>Another installment in this stupid saga. STBX has, up until now, had money deposited into my own bank account, directly from his pay. This has been going on for 8 months now. Suddenly he writes this:<p>"Payroll have indicated that they are not keen to pay money into an account that I am not named on or signatory to ie your Bank account.<p>What I would like to do is to get you to link your account with (another bank which we have a joint account at). I can still send money to there as I am a co-signer there. I will then transfer via internet to your account.<p>This month the money will go into your account as normal, but I have to have this (other bank) thing set up in two weeks."<p>Ummmmmmmm, just how STUPID does this guy think I am? Gee OW sure knows all the tricks; well she ought to, since she has been married and divorced three times [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>I already have sent this to my lawyer, and I replied to him as well, politely telling him that this is a load of s***, that I am not happy to hold any bank account with him as co-signer, and that I have referred it to my lawyer. I also asked him if he had informed his employers of our situation (bet he hasn't - he hasn't told a LOT of friends, never mind his work).<p>Sheesh!!!!!!!!!!!!<p>Oh I cannot wait until the aliens actually TAKE this guy to the Mother ship. With any luck he will never be back!!!!!!

Can you put my name on the account too, PLEASE [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>Glad you got the info to your lawyer and let her handle it. But seriously, if you want to put my name on the account, I won't mind.....

ACK!!!<p>Why not just go through the courts to make sure it's done weekly..let the courts send the company
a letter stating they can send it to them..and they will make sure you get it...if they ignore the court order..they can be held in contempt of court..<p>Let your lawyer handle it for you...<p>Hell, tell him to add your name to all of his accounts and you will add him to yours..

LMAO!!!!!!<p>Oh for goodness sake........I can't believe he would try to pulll this one!!!!!!<p>I am aware the lawyers can make the employer pay if it is in the same country......and I believe they do have agreements with certain other countries, South Africa included. I can only assume neither him nor OW is aware of this.<p>My lawyer will write the letter, if she hasn't done so already. I kinda think we already sent it........maybe stbx isn't aware.<p>The more he does, the more I just want it over.<p>What a jerk, what a jerk.

Anyone can DEPOSIT into any account. In fact, I could walk into the bank in town and ask them to put this $50 dollar bill I hand them into an account with the name of the girl that works at the grocery store (she wears a name tag). They would do it. They might think I'm goofy, but they would do it. <p>He is full of it. I worked at a bank one summer, at least that is the deal here in the US.<p>E

Yep, Liz, it is the deal here too......I often get my Dad to write a check for me, then use the net to put the money into his account. Not to mention BPay services, my rental money, etc etc.<p>I do know that sometimes South Africa can have some strange ideas as far as banks go.......Pantha, you there? Maybe you know what happens here.<p>BTW, the company also paid money into another account.......to our landlord. Stupid stbx wasn't co-sig on that one either.............DUHHH!!!!!!<p>Geez I am just flabbergasted at his nerve!!!!!!!!!!!!<p>I am really getting annoyed at this latest dupe.
I think I will call his company to see for sure.....I know he must have made this up. And it will make him look less than smart, too.bit of a bonus there. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Nahhhhhhhh, it isn't worth the money for the call!

call collect [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

email them

Well he wrote back saying some rubbish about the company cutting down on the number of accounts they pay into, and that they are worried about auditing stuff......yeah right. Then he backed down somewhat, saying he could make other arrangements for me, and as an aside, he said......oh well, check with your lawyer anyway [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>Good idea Liz, I will try to find the company's email address and ask them directly. This is just sooooooooo dumb.<p>Love and light everyone,<p>Jacky<p>[ May 17, 2002: Message edited by: Nina too ]</p>

Ugh!<p>So I replied to his latest email as per lawyer's instructions regarding banking, and added a couple of things:<p>1. That settlement is in the works, and I would like to come to a mutual agreement without the courts, but since he will not discuss it via email, I didn't see much hope of that.<p>2. That when he does come to try and consider the kids and spend as much time with them alone (ie: without OW) as possible, as they won't take kindly to sharing him when their time to gether is very limited.<p>He writes back, accusing me of being the one who doesn't want to communicate, and then also he will consider his kids of course....interpret that as, well yes they will be upset, but tough.<p>THEN he CALLS me.....usually calls 2 hours later than this, which is why I answered the phone. Plays Mr Nice Guy for a while, asks my opinion on his settlement offer, I say it is not adequate. I then tell him I will get onto it since he is in such a rush.....he says "No, YOU are the one in a rush...........blah blah fog fog"<p>I give up........well I already did that, but, I feel like saying, forget settlement, just get the H*** out of my life.

Jacky,
I often feel that way too. Just get it over, whatever it takes. It's normal to feel this way but you and I are both smart enough to stay strong and not be taken advantage of anymore, at least by our ex's. <p>This must be the most frustrating thing ever. Dividing and spliting up what was intended to say together. Keep your head up. You sound mad and frustrated, but very very strong and smart. <p>God Bless you my friend. Have a great weekend. I'm headed back to Iowa for a few days.<p>PP

Nina,<p>Respond back to him saying, that your not in a rush, now, if he would like to come home and go to Marriage Counseling, and be a part of the family you will gladly do that..but if he's not willing to do that then what is the point? <p>Again putting the ball back in his court as to what he is going to do..making him responsible for his actions..and not you..<p>I know I did this w/ my ex, when I asked him to get another job..he said.."I can't just quit my job can I??" My response was "I don't know can you?" He said.."NO" I said, "well, what other options are there, could you take time off from work and LOOK for another job?" he didn't look at that option..yet, he took time off work to move out..he could have used that two weeks 'paid' vacation and looked for another job..but he didn't..which is something he'd promised to do over the years.."after this job, after this job"
but I was trying to get HIM to think of options he could choose..I couldn't make that decision for him..I couldn't tell him to quit his job, all I could do was offer other choices..but he didn't think they were valid choices..because he was strickly looking at money..and how much money he was making..and doesn't think he could make as much money working for another company..which I wouldn't have had a problem with..unfortunately it didn't matter to him that I didn't care..if he made $15 dollars an hour or $30 dollars an hour and I told him that..but it mattered to HIM..I even said I would go back to work and could make up the difference - but, because he didn't want me working (out of fear, I'd make more money and wouldn't 'need' him) he didn't see that as an option either..it was HIS JOB to provide financially for HIS family..which yes, is respectable, but not at the cost of being away from your family 99% of the time..<p>he wouldn't have HIS OWN money to spend if he had to take a lesser paying job..it would have ALL gone to household expenses..and he'd always be broke..<p>But, you could offer him choices..and let HIM choose, which is basically what you are trying to do..give him choices..and let him decide..ask him if he could come in for the holidays alone and spend that time with you and the kids, so he can remember what it's like being at home with his family..<p>[ May 17, 2002: Message edited by: ThornedRose ]</p>

Thanks, Lynn,<p>Yes I get smarter by the minute here, and I know that elling him to get out of my life, and forget the money would only be detrimental to the future of my kids.........so I try to negotiate...have a great time in Iowa.<p>TR, I cannot ask this man to do anything........well, I haven't tried in a long time, but the absolute bottom line here, for me, is that I do not want him back anymore. I am keeping to Plan B as much as I can, but it is only to protect me now, not the miniscule love I have left for him.<p>I know he will come back with "No way, OW is coming with me" because that is what OW wants and will claw to get it. She wants to let it be known to all that he is now HER man.......hence the supposed visit to his parents' farm. And anyway, as he so flippantly put it, that is the way of things now.<p>I am ok.........a bit flat that he thinks I am so stupid, but then he always did. <p>Oh well........I am just so tired of it all now.

I'm sorry to hear all this Jacky, don't let him drag you down anymore, you're worth far more than this. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ May 18, 2002: Message edited by: Seahorse ]</p>

Hi Jacques... Haven't been here in a while... sorry to see all these developments. I'll chat with you sometime... do your background research as everyone has suggested and don't just take his bull... he sounds like he's waffling on the info.<p>Take care,
Nicole