I want to find out what arrangements other people have. I need to get this settled prior to next meeting with lawyer.<p>My proposal to H regarding his "parenting time":
Every Tuesday overnight, Every other Friday and Saturday nights (from 5 pm Friday to 8 pm Sunday), and Thursday overnight on the week he doesn't have them Fri & Sat.
This works out to 5 of 14 nights. Currently he has them 6 of 14 but demanded 7 of 14 and hasn't asked lately).

My x asked for standard visitation but because she works different days and shifts it has been real uneven, but was basically 1 over nite during the week and then everyother weekend, but consisted of Sat and Sun nites.<p>However for the last 2 months it has been just every weekend usually Sat and Sun. She is no longer working weekends.<p>I didn't say too much because it was neat having weekends to myself, however I need help around the house( the kids are responsible for the basement) plus I get all the homework and running around weeknight stuff. <p>The kids would just go to her house and she did not have to do anything. I haven't seen her schedule for June yet, I guess I should say something before it comes out.<p>I figure she will proabbly start working now that she is getting divorced and will need the money to keep her house.

Since Oct 2000, when my wife was granted court permission to relocate 130 miles away with our daughter, I was SUPPOSED to have one weeknight visit per week (not overnite, but at the halfway point) and every other weekend. I have only gotten the every other weekend part. Obviously, my XW and I both agree it would be hard on our 6 yo daughter to do the mid-week thing, but that was exactly my point of view before she moved. It wasn't hers though and she agreed to the arrangement as did the geographically challenged judge.<p>It's just one more act of disrespect and betrayal, and at the expense of a father-daughter relationship that was just beginning to form.<p>Jay

My ex is suupposed to take the kids every other Thursday evening and everyother weekend. We have been divorced a year....separated 18 months and to date he has never taken them on a Thursday evening and has perhaps taken them a half a dozen times on the weekend.

It might be less disruptive to run the overnights Tu-Wed, or Wed-Th, rather than split Tu and Th.<p>But I have to ask, are you in a state where the child support payments decrease if he has at least 40% overnights? If so, is that why you want to cut him down from 6 or 7? Do you think that's why he asked for 7 to begin with? You seemed skeptical by quoting "parenting time". How is he doing so far with 6 overnights?<p>- Tom

This is our arrangement.<p>(After he first wanted full custody with me to only have supervised visitation - reactionary BS - and then wanted 50/50 - alternating homes every 4 or 7 days - not with a three year old, buddy!!)<p>Final order: Dad has them every other Friday after school until 6 pm Sunday. He also has them after work every Wednesday until 8 pm.<p>He has every other week in the summer with an overnight during my weeks (and I have an overnight during his weeks), we alternate holidays, birthdays and breaks by even and odd years.<p>So far he has claimed every hour entitled to him. I don't know if this will continue when he (36) moves out of his mom and dads house, since his mom picks up and watches the kids much of the time, feeds them, washes their clothes, buys them things,etc.<p>Which wouldn't be so bad if she didn't hate me and tell the kids lies about me ... I'd welcome the break if she weren't psycho.

Newly, <p>I think he will get tired of the 'split shift' quickly. It's a lot of work.<p>We have the standard 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends and Wednesday evenining. Since XH works Wednesday evening,however, I sometimes let D go over there on Thursday, his night off, for a couple of hours---occasionally spend the night during the school year. And when there is no school she stays Thursday morning to Saturday morning.<p>I'm sure there is some way to work this out to the benefit of the children. <p>Cat,
We've talked about this before. I know you are hurting and lonely for your little girl. Is there perhaps someway you can get your daughter for an extra day or two on your weekends? Maybe not now, during school but over the summer.<p>[ May 17, 2002: Message edited by: franklymydears ]</p>

Newly,<p>My STBXW is the custodial parent. We are setting up the standard 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend thing with alternating holidays on paper, but the actual visitation time varies. My W works out of town a lot, so I have the children much more than what the decree will state.<p>Not a problem though! The more time I spend with my babies the better!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

I'm in New Jersey. They use the term "parenting time" rather than the word "visitation".<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> (After he first wanted full custody with me to only have supervised visitation - reactionary BS - and then wanted 50/50 - So far he has claimed every hour entitled to him. I don't know if this will continue when he (36) moves out of his mom and dads house, since his mom picks up and watches the kids much of the time, feeds them, washes their clothes, buys them things,etc.<p> <hr></blockquote>
Princess Buttercup, this is my situation exactly. I don't know when or if he'll move out of his parent's. They're currently enabling him as I did before.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> He has every other week in the summer with an overnight during my weeks (and I have an overnight during his weeks), we alternate holidays, birthdays and breaks by even and odd years. <hr></blockquote><p>How does this work for you? Do you miss your child? I'm hoping to move 25 miles from where he is now, so summertime daycare would be horrendous to plan if we switched weeks like this.<p>Also, I'd like to have something in the agreement in case I need to move for my job. He'll always live here.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by newly:
<strong>How does this work for you? Do you miss your child? I'm hoping to move 25 miles from where he is now, so summertime daycare would be horrendous to plan if we switched weeks like this.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Last summer was horrible. I'd never been separated from my daughter for more than 3-4 days. The temporary order in effect at the time neglected to properly word the weekly overnight part, so he would get them for 7 days straight and refused to agree to let me take them to dinner once a week (knowing full well that weekly visit was supposed to be in the order) ... refused my phone calls to the children and hung up on me ... etc. There was added animosity because the divorce wasn't final and we couldn't agree on anything. He was bitter because he didn't get what he felt he deserved.<p>My day care center understands the single parent dilemma and I just give them a calendar of the summer months, with days they will be in the center marked. They are in one day a week one week, four days a week the next, with a few exceptions here and there. My 7 y.o. understands the calendar but my 4 y.o. has a harder time ... ALWAYS asks me what day it is and who is picking her up and when will she see me again.

My center is good about vacations, in that they charge half price if you'll be away all week (some charge full price), but since my center is inconvenient to his parent's house I don't think they'd wave the 1/2 price on the off weeks.
We use Kindercare. Do you use a national chain or a small local center.
I don't like the every other week scenario. We have nothing formalized now. I want to ask him when he plans to go on vacation (but he's never taken vacation in the past.<p>Earlier someone asked about the days I requested. My lawyer said in my state, NJ, that the 40% doesn't matter, but there is a 28% rule (or two overnights a week) which reduces child support.<p>I still think my H plans to fight for full custody just for spite. His parents are really parenting my children, and i hope they get tired of it soon. <p>PB - how long has your H lived with this P's. My only since NYE>

I live in NJ and the amount of overnights are calculated in the child support. I have been tempted to take ex back to court and ask for more child support since he has never taken them for anytime during the summer, and only has taken them a few times for a weekend. In NJ the parenting time is often split if it is agreeable to both parties...one week at Mom's...one week at Dad's...this arrangement is terrible unless you live down the street from each other, but I know people who do it and the kids seem better off than only visiting one parent once in awhile.<p>It would be pretty hard for your stbx to get full custody of the kids unless the kids tell the judge they want to live with their dad. At the tender age of 10, the courts in NJ will let a child make that determination...and if a custody battle ensues, they will drag the kids into it.

Happy Mac,
I'm told the family judge in my county, Hunterdon, leans toward the mother with respect to custody. If only my H had spent this much time with the children before.
The Chicago MB crowd got together in March. Let me know if you're near and would like to organize a MB night out.

my STBX and I have joint physical and legal custody.<p>We alternate weeks. <p>I have them from Monday afterschool, until the following week, Monday morning when they go back to school.<p>My Ex and I both live within the same school boundries.<p>We both attend whatever sporting events, school concerts, etc that the kids have going on. Whoever has the kids that week is responsible for getting them where they need to be. But we do help each other out -- if Dad and YS have baseball practice, then I come pick up Daughter for her softball game.

The only thing I can add is that my 11 yo (9 when all this started) hated the constant back and forth during the week...she felt like she never had "down time" - she was always rushing off to one parent or the other. She felt like she didn't know where she lived and was very unsettled. Over time, her schedule has become 3 straight weeks with me and one full week with her father, plus one weekday visit with her dad for 3 hours after school. It essentially is the same amount of time as the standard every-other-weekend thing, but gives her a sense of home in both places and not feeling like a tennis ball being bounced back and forth constantly. My ex pays child support for her.<p>My 15 y.o. lives have the month with me and half with his dad - no child support for him is exchanged.<p>Just know that whatever you start with may not be what your kids or even you are comfortable with over time - it will take some adjustments.<p>Good luck<p>Lisa

I use a local center through the public school district. Three relatives work in the building. I like that.<p>My XH moved in with his parents 12/18/2000, the day after I left him. Our home sits vacant. He drives a car they sold us for $1. It's sad and amusing at the same time. I've lived on my own with the kids for over a year and bought a car, kept the same job... I think he's had three (jobs) in the same time frame.<p>And yet I have done all this to him??

Hi, we have 50/50,here is a sample of our rotating 2 week schedule:<p>Monday 4/29 Dave
Tuesday 4/30 Dave
Wednesday 5/1 Dave
Thursday 5/2 Lynn
Friday 5/3 Lynn
Saturday 5/4 Lynn
Sunday 5/5 Lynn

Monday 5/6 Dave
Tuesday 5/7 Dave
Wednesday 5/8 Lynn
Thursday 5/9 Lynn
Friday 5/10 Dave
Saturday 5/11 Dave
Sunday 5/12 Lynn

Newly...I live in Gloucester County...down in the southern part of the state...but am because of work travel a lot through the whole state. <p>I know there are a lot of folks here from NJ...so a night out would be fun.

HappyMac: If you can think of a good place to meet, we can start a thread. I don't mind going toward Philly.<p>To PB: I'd forgotten about the whole empty lot saga. I look forward to hearing that you've bought it.<p>To davepr: I've been following your threads too.
Yikes, your schedule sounds confusing. If my H had spent time with my kids before, I could understand his demands, but this is relatively new to him. And he still doesn't understand that his mom won't be there all the time to shop, clean, cook and do laundry.<p>I hope we can work something out. I miss my kids. From 90% time, to 60% is hard to take. I've needed the time to recover, but it's still sad I couldn't give them a whole family.

Princess BC:
I had to laugh about your 4 yo having trouble with the schedule. My 14, almost 15 yo never knows when she is going to her mothers and its posted on the refrigerator.<p>Just got off the phone with the x, she wanted to know what the kids have planned for tonite, even though they were supposed to go to her place this weekend. She didn't know that they were both on field trips today and wouldn't be home till late. <p>They both have made plans for tonite and it doesn't include going to their mom's.