In about an hour I'll go to my lawyer's office to file for divorce, after 12 years of marriage. I look back and try to remember the good times... and there really aren't any. Every good time is marred by mixed feelings, choosing between bad and worse alternatives.<p>An example...yesterday the county treasurer came out to campaign. She left and my H turned to me and said "I told her WE'd vote for her". Another painful memory....at every election, he would list who I should vote for. After I voted, he would grill me as to whether I followed his instructions, leaving me 3 options: 1. vote for them whether I agreed or not. 2. lie or 3. tell the truth and be yelled at furiously for an hour. That's just one example, in truth he has tried to control me this way in every thing I do. Now wonder I never feel good about him, or around him.<p>I'm moving myself and the kids next week... he has no idea, and will be furious...and probably confused. He doesn't seem to understand how oppressive he is at all. His whole mindset is to be in control of everything. I truly wonder if I will ever really get away from him. He reads books on marriage and professes his undying love for me......yet treats me so harshly, and as if I am his property and not another person. He says all our problems are my fault...if I was more submissive, did what he tells me too, not so independant....... I know it's not true, but breaking away from him is the hardest thing I've ever done.<p>Time to go......wish me luck!

Praying for you and sending good wishes your way.
You will feel relieved when you are out of his daily control. Understand that he'll still try to find ways to control you, but outside of his daily watch you'll grow stronger.

Prayers for strength to you in this difficult time ... I won't quote anything you said in case you come back and delete later ... but I know what you've faced and you know I am available to you off-the-board as well ...<p>Everything will be all right ... take advice for your personal safety to heart ... expect the worst, don't underestimate the possibilities.<p>No one deserves to be treated like a possession. Love is not about control. God knows your heart, and his. <p>I'm just learning that I can love someone so deeply it makes my soul tremble. Not the shaking of a scared heart aching, but the wild thumping of a heart so full of love that it rocks my whole body. He sees the beautiful person inside me ... not my "potential" ...<p>I don't think to myself anymore that if I were a better housekeeper, or a better cook, then he will love me for me and not hurt me again. XH had me in that mindset. It is based on an unobtainable goal he had for me out of his own insecurity and failure as a man.<p>You are going to thrive.

Best wishes to you Annavon. You sound strong and resolute. You're taking a difficult step into something unfamiliar. Hold onto your faith that you're doing the right thing! Something unfamiliar can't be any more difficult than what you already have! Prepare for the worst, as PB suggested, and hope for the best. I'm always glad to see you post, regardless of what your news is. You're safe and sound for one more day, and I'm very thankful that you're all right. Keep on being safe and being strong.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Annavon}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<p>Good luck--<p>Kathi

Scary how your life mirrors mine. I am going to a lawyer today too. And want to pick up the kids and go, but wanted to talk to the lawyer first...<p>God bless, anna.

I'm back! Whew, that's over....plunked down my money and finished the paperwork. Then I found a really nice stove and fridge over at Sears for less than I thought I'd pay for used.....that was nice! Still, I felt so anxious and guilty all morning that I hurried home......turns out he tore the back door off his truck and won't be home till tonite. ok, that's all for now. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

Annavon,<p>An update please...How's it going?<p>ANNA

Annavon:<p>
Still, I felt so anxious and guilty all morning that I hurried home.<p>TR- Guilt?? about what?? I mean I have felt that way too, but you need to try and figure out why you feel guilty for trying to protect yourself and your children..You have every right to feel safe..
and there is no reason to feel guilty about that..
I realize though that it is harder to do..than it is to just say..I also understand the anxious feelings..about what will he do, how will he respond when I do this?? Very scary I agree..but
just remember..and KEEP TELLING YOURSELF UNTIL YOU FULLY BELIEVE IT-- I DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT!!<p>
turns out he tore the back door off his truck and won't be home till tonite. <p>TR- WHY did he do that?? This is a man who has no control over his anger at all..<p>[ May 19, 2002: Message edited by: ThornedRose ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by ThornedRose:
<strong>Annavon:<p>turns out he tore the back door off his truck and won't be home till tonite. <p>TR- WHY did he do that?? This is a man who has no control over his anger at all..<p>[ May 19, 2002: Message edited by: ThornedRose ]</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
Oh, that wasn't anger, it was carelessness. It's a semi...he didn't close the door and it hooked on the dock.....which, of course, was not HIS fault. I don't imagine this job will last much longer either. Sigh......<p>Everything's going fine....altho if this is "fine" , I'm not sure what chaos would be.....??? I'll post more later in the week.

Do what you have to do. We're pulling for you. <p>Please be careful and protect yourself. Please.