I have been married for 4 1/2 years I have a beautiful 5 month old baby boy. Recently I have had an affair with a coworker. I am think of leaving my wife for this coworker because I feel that this person can make me happier and does love me more than my wife. We are currently on the rocks and falling fast. I dont know what I should do. I love my child and dont want to lose him, but I am completely unsure if My wife and I will ever work out even if we try. By the way she does not know about the coworker. should I tell her at a good risk of losing my son, and everything I worked for. Just to be happy?

Welcome!<BR> Your post would get more attention if you placed it under General Questions in the Infidelity area, but I wanted to respond to you.<P> You have made a good start just by being here. There is a lot of good info here for you. Most of us will say you need to tell your wife and work with her on rebuilding your marriage...that is your best chance of living happily ever after. <P> I'd suggest you read thru the infidelity articles and info on the homepage. <P>You might also want to read this thread: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/002326.html" TARGET=_blank>www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/002326.html</A> <P>Best wishes--<BR>Kathi<P>

ssss<p>[This message has been edited by TMD (edited April 20, 2000).]

Crazy:<P>I think that before you sell the farm, you should do a little analysis of your relationship with your wife. This means, first off, thinking about why you married, thinking about the years following the wedding, thinking about what needs have not been fulfilled by your spouse and what change precipitated the affair. For instance, was the birth of your child a factor which made your wife not as attentive your needs? <P>I am the victim of an emotional affair. My H found a soul mate while I was bed ridden as a result of contracting a neuro-muscular disease. I could no longer meet all of his needs becasue I was fighting for my life. He felt he needed to protect me from the rest of the big bad world, (including his thoughts and feelings) and began to TALK with a woman at work. I have recently found out that he had hid this friendship and I can't tell you how alone I feel. I wish he would have just told me what was going on. In his effort to make everything alright he has lost a good deal of my trust. It hurts even more because I am still in recovery and crave for any morsel of human contact. <P>If you love your wife you will be honest with her. You will not blame her for your behavior. You also have to ask yourself wheather this will happen again if, by chance, you leave your wife for your co-worker. <P>I am sorry if any of this sounds harsh. Since, I am on the other end of things perhaps I am a little bit insensitive. Please understand.<P>Good Luck!<P>oak

crazy-Just a little advice. The first question--Is the grass going to be greener 4 and a half years down the road with this woman, or will you 2 end up like you and your 1st wife. You are in a whirlwind of emotions and confusion right now and you can't think straight, I also have a 5 mos old son and he really needs to be your motivation to not move too quickly. Just try to think of his future and your future with him. Give him a fighting chance at not having a broken family. Everyone has problems even more so after a baby is born. Children bring out some of the ugliness in people and being a new mother myself, right now I am going through postpardom and pms together, I don't know how long it has been bad between the 2 of you, or if your son was a planned pregnancy, but, before you leave your wife, give your new family a fighting chance. you could A) not tell wife about affair and try to make things better by tring to communicate and work hard at your marriage, because no matter who your married to--there will always be issues, good sex is not being loved more. Or you could B) Tell your wife about the affair and deal with the consequences ( I opt for this choice) you both will grow from it and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If you didn't have the child- heck what's another divorce I'd say-do what you want, but you CAN work things out with your wife--eventually you DO end up at this point with whoever you are with--you honestly do--so- for your child and your wife and of course yourself- it's time to do some growing! Good Luck Keep me posted BabyM