X was picking up the kids today and as they were about to leave, she stuck her head back in the door and asked me to please teach our daughter how to use basic power tools so if she is ever alone she won't be stuck. Then she said, "this in no fun."<p>DUH!!!!!!!!!!!

Please do teach your daughter, as well as your son, everything you know about power tools and anything else that you know about that could come in handy when they own a house or a car. There are few things more important than not having to depend upon calling service people for routine household repairs.

While I agree you should teach your children to use power tools (and anything else to make them self-sufficient), I also think you should just IGNORE this little pity party your W decided to have at your expense.

I agree with you ladies whole heartily. We all need to be self sufficient. I learned this myself. My father never did much around the house nor was I included when he did.<p>My mother was the old fashioned where she did all the traditional "womens" work, like cooking, cleaning etc. I learned to cook a little when I was in the eight grade and my mother starting working at our school as a baker on the second shift. She would prepare most things during the day, and I would get it started when I got home from school.<p>I can't sew or iron to save my life. COme to think of it, neither can my x.<p>My s is a lot like me, he just does things and doesn't worry about the outcome and he learns. My d waits for someone else to do it.<p>X has been separated something like 2 weeks from her om/h. I am going on 3 yrs.<p>[ May 18, 2002: Message edited by: RWD ]</p>

Oh boy!!
Whats next? the jack hammer!<p>{{{{{{{{{CHEESE}}}}}}}} [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

If you think that she'll need one, why not? After all, she may need to repave the driveway someday. After all, your X seems incapable of providing the necessary instruction! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p> You're right. How does X walk around with those boat anchors? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Crypto

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> My s is a lot like me, he just does things and doesn't worry about the outcome and he learns. My d waits for someone else to do it. <hr></blockquote><p>is there any way you can help your d become more pro-active? do you help her out when she could be learning more by herself? do you inquire about what she has learned recently (ask often) to get her to look at actively participate and also to learn?<p>its a rather unattractive trait to be married to someone who always expects the other to be everything to you. . . .
or to just want to be waited on. . . .<p>tom

Hi,<p>Speaking as a woman who knows power tool and on top of that knows how to use them. It would not hurt to have your children learn.<p>I am lucky I come from a long line of strong women. Just last weekend my Mom fixed a faucet that the cows broke on the ranch. I had a leak and tried to fix it. There was too much water in the line so I ended up having to call someone. But I did know how to fix it. I just did not have a propane tank that got hot enough to fix it. <p>I think more important here is to teach your children proper boundries in relationships. I have no idea how I found myself in this abusive realationship. I am still fighting to keep out of it. Too me that might be more important to your son and daughter. Just my thoughs.

We are moving, and I have to sell my car <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" /> Unfortunately, I was in a little fender-bender a few months ago and my car didn't look so sharp. Some little old man ran cut the corner sharp and the tie-down hook on his truck basically snagged my fender from the headlight all the way back to the door. A cosmetic flaw that would take a lot of money off the selling price of a good car. Husband went around and advertised to his friends that I was getting rid of my car dirt cheap, and he found a buyer. (He's paranoid that we can't sell it before we leave.) Kinda made me mad, because, no! I want to get the money back that I paid into it. What it was worth.<p>So, darn it, I took it to the auto hobby shop and did the body work my self. This took considerable amounts of time in the junkyard, too. It looks great!!! My husband wouldn't even come look at it. He was too busy playing playstation.<p>Even as I was doing the final paint job, I had a prospective buy come up to me and offer to pay what I was asking for my car. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] Ha ha--girls and powertools--a beautiful thing!<p>[ May 19, 2002: Message edited by: Bernzini ]</p>

If something were to happen to your kids while they were using those power tools, guess who's butt would be in hot water with the social services people?<p>Joe

Just to add my 2 cents [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] I think the use of powertools for girls depends on there personality, not all girls are tool inclined or interested, not all boys are tool inclined but book smart inclined and not interested in constructing things, thats why we have professionals that handle certain things, everyone is gifted in something.....example: My older daughter can't stand loud tool noise or getting her hands dirty with dirt and grime.....Younger daughter loved to help me work on cars and get oil on her, turn screws with wrenches and stuff. Oldest D had no desire to use tools, she looked at her dad[me] as her hero that it took special skill to do those things even though I offered to show her ,however she watched me enough one day she may imitate me when she has the desire, she'll remember its possible to use those things, who knows? she may have younger D teach her, they may learm more together one day. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

I'm still unhappy that I lost custody of the drill press which I could and did use upon occaision.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Then she said, "this in no fun."<hr></blockquote><p>OK, all together now...on the count of three...<p>AWWWWWW!!!<p> [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

RWD,<p>Watch out. If you teach your daughter how to use power tools, someone might accuse her of trying to be like a man. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] I'm being sarcastic you know.<p>I know how to operate just about every common power tool. yes, I have used a jackhammer to split up a driveway and have pictures to prove it. Have experience with drywall and plaster, have replaced bathroom fixtures, refinished wood floors, hung ceiling fans and have tiled floors and walls--many of these by myself. Oh, and I used to sew all of my own clothes. I used to do macrame, needlepoint/cross stitch, still do alot of gardening (among other "girly" hobbies) and can throw together a pretty decent "gourmet" meal when the mood strikes. Why am I telling you all this? Cause you and I have gotten into a few discussions about men vs. women stuff. My parents never raised me to believe there was any such thing as "mans" work or "womans" work. <p>I'm not sure what to tell you about your daughter. I've found that men or women who are raised with strict gender roles are not very pro-active about learning things outside what they perceive as acceptable for their gender. I'm glad I'm not one of them.

Hi TS,<p>I've never pressed my kids either way. IN fact my son comes home and will fix/cook himself something to eat whenever he has an early game/practice. My d does not.<p>Part of the problem is that she is our first born and have spoiled her. To complicate that is that I probably have over compensated since the divorce.<p>As I mentioned my parents where very traditional, my mother darned( not sure if that is the correct spelling) and ironed underwear and socks. My dad worked, cut the grass and since my mother didn't drive he got the groceries( and drunk) every Sat morning. So that was how I was raised.<p>But you know what, that is not what I had expectations of when I got married. Part of the reason was that I lived on my own for 4-5 yrs prior to marriage and I learned how to make do or where to get things done.<p>My x on the other hand had both parents working and I think her grandmother took care of her alot, so she got used to others doing things for her. She never did learn how to sew(neither did I) so that won't be passed on to our d or s.<p>Cooking looks like it will be up to me too.<p>Its funny, the main point of this post was to highlight my x saying how being "alone isn't fun" and pretty much everybody picked up on the use of tools, of which I DO NOT have a problem with.

Ok RWD , blame me as one of the many who hopped on the powertool kick [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ..I thought that was rather funny because the my xw did the same to me....She says " Oh I can put air in the tires now" I said great [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] ....Tried to get her to do this years ago...Thats why I tried to teach D early to break a pattern, somehow WS's need to blame someone...<p>However I still can't see teaching a 3 year old girl how to use a 200 lbs jackhammer [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] {{{{CHEESE}}}} she might split a car in half<p>It apparent TS is a bad woman! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] just having fun!!

I wonder how my x will get and forth to work now that there is no om/h. He took her to work during the winter. She lives about 20-25 miles from work.<p>She was mad at me because I always *****ed about taking her and we only lived less than a mile, plus we don't get much snow!

Bob,<p>Don't you know...it's still all about her.<p>Desiree

Oh I forgot...
checked wheel bearings, changed tires, transmission, engine, and gear box oil. Replaced valve cover gasket, replaced thermostat, flushed radiator. That was what I did last Thanksgiving...<p>My motto is...if there is a book written about it, then I can figure it out. Well, all except for books about marriage. I gave up trying to figure that out a long time ago.<p>Ok, back to the topic. I know you don't want to think any kind thoughts about your ex, but it sounds to me like she was expressing her vulnerability just a little when she asked for your help--and maybe a bit of regret was in there too. It didn't sound manipulative to me at all.