We've been married for 5 years now and my husband will move out on June 1st. About a week ago I asked him to reconsider. Lets sit down and try to work our problems out. And be serious about this. He told me that moving out is his way of trying to work out our problems. He cannot change, because he cannot crawl out of his skin. I either except this or I except this. Either way he's moving, and who knows what the future might bring. He might be back, but he can't promise anything. So, I told him, I cannot build my life on maybe. I'm deeply in love with him, and I don't want to loose him. What can I do? Is there a way for me to save this relationship.

Dear supergirl.
Sounds as if your H isn't telling you the whole story about what is going on. Just remember if it is meant to be it will be, but both of you will have to want to work on it. Good luck.

Start from the beginning. Why does he want to move out? What has he/you said/done to warrant this?<p>What "problems" are there to work out?

Just an update on Moving out.

Our divorce became final on May 30, 2002. He stayed in the house untill July 5. Moved out a week ago today. The day he moved out he wanted to ask me out for dinner.

Before he left I begged him to reconsider. He said no. The reason he's moving was because this is his way of wanting to build our relationship back up. I made it very clear to him that if he moves out, he'll be gone forever. He calls me 3-4 imes a day. I have told him over and over again ever day for the past week, that I don't wish to reconcile. How do I explain it to him. I don't want to be rude about it.

My ex wife is on a reconcilation trip too. I just ignore her and don't reply to any e-mails that mentions it. Have caller ID? Unless it has to do with the kids I don't talk to her period.

T1

Supergirl:

You seem to be ambivalent. You say you love your husband and want to save the relationship. But you also tell your husband that you are not interested in reconciliation. Your husband also seems ambivalent. On the one hand he divorced you despite your request to reconsider. On the other hand, he calls you daily, wants to spend time with you (dinner invitation), and says the divorce is his way of working on the relationship.

I am guessing that you are angry at your husband for moving out. You are hurting from his formal rejection of your overtures for reconciliation. And perhaps as a result, you are punishing your husband by rebuffing his overtures for reconciliation.

You need to decide what you want and then develop a plan (perhaps in consultation with Steve Harley or Jennifer Harley) that will give you the best chance of meeting your goal. Do you want to remarry your ex-husband? If so, then you need to get past the anger and develop a Plan A. Do you want to move on without your husband? Then stop accepting his calls. Are you undecided? Then gently tell him that you are upset and confused by the latest events, and ask him to give you a week or two of peace to adjust.

I feel your pain, and I understand why you resent your exhusband. But I also see an opportunity for reconciliation, and I would hate for you to miss that opportunity and come to regret it later when your anger fades.