I really didn't know where to put this... quick update, been separated for 5 weeks very limited contact. At first I pursued. For the first time though, she contacted me today. We chatted and I even got her to laugh a few times. <p>The conversation turned toward some personal issues, I outlined what I was doing, found out she is in fact *not* in therapy like she said she was, but instead stated that she told me she that she *wanted* to be. Whatever, I told her that I have the information if she decides to pursue it.<p>Issue turned toward expectations, that we both agreed that we didn't want the same relationship we had before, etc., etc. Then, I made the big mistake in asking for clarification on what our separation was and she became furious with me. She said... (This was all on AIM so I have the logs... she won't talk to me by voice yet) ... that she is moving on with her life, she doesn't know why I don't understand this and that she is trying to figure out what *she* needs... <p>Background: We had signed a formal separation agreement. However, when it became apparent that she didn't even know if she wanted to separate, I told her that the agreement was meaningless unless she wanted it. Instead, lets take a couple of weeks apart and then get back together and discuss things.<p>The miscommunication has been thus:<p>Me: Separation was to be a time we spent physically apart to work on ourselves in order to figure out what we wanted and needed. The intent was to look at our relationship with these things in mind to see if we should stay married.<p>Her: She dumped me. She doesn't think that either marriage or me is right for her. She has no clue what she wants to do but she just wants to be happy and doesn't feel like she can take on the responsibilities inherent in marriage.<p>Well, the reality has finally sunk in. I sent her an email letting her know that I finally "got" it. Apologized for the pain and confusion my misunderstanding had cause and wished her well.<p>Don't know how this bodes now... I guess I *really* need to move on... I'll leave the light on, but she'll have to knock on the door. As far as I'm concerned, we're divorced, I don't understand why *she* doesn't understand *that*... the only thing we're missing is division of property.<p>Amazing... this whole thing has just made me feel like a big chump... sometimes I almost understand why women think men can be such blockheads [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

BeingZen,<p>Good luck with your choices, I know this was a tuff decision.<p>You said, "As far as I am concerned were divorced." It sounds to me like that's not necessarily true, so I'd say you need to wait to date or consider yourself divorced. If this is what you really want, and if you mean this, then file for a divorce, wait until it's final and then move on.<p>I just think when what I've read, you are jumping the gun. <p>Take care,<p>ANNA

Oh yes, I didn't mean to say that I'm ready to hit the singles bars... actually, I plan on enjoying being single for quite a while, hence being able to leave the light on. I doubt I will file for divorce anyway until the obligatory 18 months for a no-fault has passed. A lot can happen in that time. I just now know that I really can't even think of her anymore... she's on her own and if she wants to come back, I'll deal with it then. <p>It sucks that I have absolutely noone in my life anymore.. she took herself and the only family I knew out here (all i have is my mom and she's on the other side of the country and not someone I can lean on) as well as almost all of my "friends" (I have 2 left who are very busy professionals and, again, not really the type I can lean on)... she even got the dogs... while I am left with 3 times the debt I had before our marriage and without the house I had. But everyone has crap they have to get through and I'll just take mine with a slice of lemon for now. Hopefully I can make this all a healthy experience, I know that I have already learned a lot.<p>I'm still in there for the long haul [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]