The question that I have. Divorce is coming soon, There is no equidy in the house or cars because of her spending habits. had to get a 2nd morgage to keep from going bankrupt. What are the chances she will have to pay me for half the credit card bills and the car she took? <p>She thinks she should not have to pay for anything. My lawyer says try and get all I can, half her retirement and savings that i didn't even know she had....<p>Please tell me what you all think about this. all imput is welcomed.

I guess you could say this is a form of tough love..

NTU,<p>It will depend on what state you are in.<p>For instance, in the State of Texas, basically everything is split in half, unless you can prove adultery or cruelty, and even then everything would be split 60/40. That includes debts, equity in the house, retirements of both people...<p>I have heard mediation is a very good thing to do if divorce is inevitable, and that if you drag this out in court, more than likely you will have to pay major attorney fees and it usually isn't worth it.<p>Take care and good luck to you,<p>ANNA

we are in the state of Ga. WE go to mediation on the 4th. of next month.

I am wondering what type or reaction I can expect from her if I do try and get everything I can. I would like to hear from ladies to see what they think. Does this make me look bad? I am only trying to get what I feel like I should get, after all she got us in this mess, why shouldn't she have to help me out of it instead of just walking away..... Our new years resulution was to get out of debt, but I had no idea she ment leaving it all on me. She left jan 6th.

Sorry to hear this. I have nothing to say. <p>I'm ready to kick my x's little bohunkus (well it's not so little) from here to the moon over how angry I am about the money. I had no job and had to pay off marital debts and give the scum sucker $15k to get him to let me refinance the house in my name. And I hadn't worked in 7 or 8 years. <p>Now I'm doing the same job I did 20 years ago. I'm earning what I earned 10 years ago and my summer child care just blew up in my face. And my daughter gets out of school for the summer at noon on friday. I am one angry woman.<p>And it's all about money and this idiot had wanted half of my retirement. Let's not mention the fact that the retirement agreement in our settlement may or may not be enforceable right now. <p>Sorry to be venting and spewing everywhere on your thread but I understand your frustrations.

Hey vent all you have too , thats what this site is for right? How the heck did he do all of that, he must of had a great lawyer..

the retirement thing didn't happen the way he wanted. He did not get half of mine though, if I can find an enforcement tool, I should get half of his. That is how the decree is written. But his employer is exempted by state law from paying me directly. So, I need an attorney to find another enforcement tool. And I never got documents proving he put the qdro in place. <p>I don't know that he had a good attorney. But I don't feel like mine lived up to the referral I got when I went to see her.<p>This has been a <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" /> day, That blasted money issue. Definitely have to find another attorney.

Cinderella,
Are you sure YOU don't have to put the qdro through? My x had to for mine. She had to submit an approved plan. <p>She just submitted it about 2 weeks ago and we have been divorced for over 2 yrs. My/our lawyer doesn't do them, but did send a sample so this was what x used. I signed and lawyer was to take to the judge for their approval and then would then send to my company to take her portion out of the pension fund.

Wow! Does this sound familiar...I tried and tried to stay together, but the reposessions, bad checks, bankruptcy, and jumping from rental to rental just didn't cut it for me anymore.<p>Furthermore, when we were separated last year and he was having a big party with another married woman, the OW cosigned for a new Infiniti for him after "being together" for about 2 months. The 1998 Ford Taurus he was driving just wasnt' good enough.<p>All the while, I can't even get a credit card, let alone buy a house. <p>So I'm just gettting ready to file also, and am wondering if I'm going to get half of his debts. Hoping we can settle this amicably, because I really don't want this to get nasty.<p>No advice, just letting you know I hear ya!!

I met with my lawyer the other day, she told me that my wife was in for a big suprise. lawyer said It was gonna cost the wife big time to get out of this... Then she said it was pretty much cut and dry. She had to pay me... Mediation is on the 4th of next month, just waiting to see how things go.... <p>This very well could lift the fog that she has been in. Then again it could make her hate me.
At this point either way is fine with me aslong as i get help with all these bills...lol

As someone said, it depends on what state you live in and what how good your lawyer is. I live in NJ and my ex tried to take everything, the house, the cars, the money, the savings, etc. He thumbed his nose at the courts most of the time...which had me taking him back to court. In the end...I got a portion of his retirement and he gets a portion of mine. He bought me out of the house...had to pay me half of what he took. He kept all three vehicles...I'm still waiting on the investments. The debt...thank God we really didn't have much. He was responsible for his credit cards...and I was responsible for mine. Again...if you have an agressive lawyer...I did not...then you will fair better. A friend of mine's spouse racked up so much dept he did have to file for bankruptcy...give her half...and get this...he pays alimony when the ex has a college degree and job skills....the grounds...adultery and he still got hammered...another divorce from NJ...same state...two different lawyers.

ouch that sucks

needtounderstand,<p>Good luck on this one. If you live in a no-fault state, you're probably out of luck. I was in a similar situation. I had payed for the downpayment on the house and traded the truck I had before we were married for her new car. Also, I payed a good portion of her pre-marriage credit card debt. We also had a second mortgage to cover credit card debt.<p>When the divorce was settled and the house sold, I got half of the proceeds. No credit for the downpayment or anything. Even though I had made the payments by myself for a year and a half. Also, she got the car that was payed for, while I kept that car that wasn't.<p>The good news is, I'm not responsible for any of her current credit card debt, even though she accrued it while we were married (but separated). To me it's worth it to be debt-free. All I can say is get a good lawyer and at least make sure she doesn't take advantage of you.

I guess I really am lucky as far as my D papers go. He had them done up as I take and pay for my car, he takes and pays for his car. We split payments to 1 credit card 50/50, and he is taking all other debts, and has no rights to my retirement/savings (he doesn't have any of these 2 things right now).<p>But I would like any info someone may have on GA D regulations/laws. I'm in GA as well and have never even dealt or known someone going through a D. People tell me that I could get whatever I wanted because he had an A, but I'm really not interested in anything, besides he doesn't really have anything to give. I'm thinking this is part of the reason he is so adimant on me not going to court.