I met my ex-husband when I was 18 years old and he purused me with a vengeance. I loved it, he so attentive! I didn't know how to handle all that attention and admiration, but I quickly fell in love with him.<P>I was going to college at the time so I saw him on holidays and breaks, but we wrote to each other everyday and spoke on the phone at least once a week. He was very supportive of my education and goals.<P>He came from a divorced family whose parents fought openly in front of the children. His bedroom was next to theirs and he shared with me how he didn't like fighting. His mother also left the family when he was in elementary school. He shared that he was playing in the backyard and saw his mother walking somewhere, he asked if where she was going and if he could go. She answered that she was going to the store and would be right back. She never came back, she left her husband and family.<P>After my college graduation it was 8 years before he proposed to me. It wasn't smooth sailing during our courtship, understandably he had several fears of commitment and wanting to be sure. He broke up with me several times, but always came back because he said he couldn't see his life without me.<P>Well, after 7 years of marriage we ended in divorce. I loved him, but I left him. There were no affairs or physical abuse of any kind. But, I was starving for affection. His way of solving problems was to not talk about what was bothering him until it escalated to a point of no return. We would go weeks, without talking even if I wanted to. He just wanted to avoid conflict (parents' marriage)and I would accomodate him. I wanted to go counseling, but he refused. I didn't know what else to do, so I moved in with my brother. He agreed to counseling then, but quit after 2 sessions.<P>Although we were divorced, we started seeing each other again after about 2 years. He was trying very hard, but I admit, we are BOTH poor communicators as far as sharing our needs.<P>We reunited 3 years ago, and I was very hopeful that it would work out at that time. He still was in pain and mistrust of my hurting him again (divorce), but he was willing to give it a try. We bought a condo and lived together, and I thought things were moving in the direction I wanted (I let him initiate the relationship's progress), we were still POOR at communicating our emotional needs.<P>He told me a month ago he loves me, but has been questioning how much he loves me. He wants to be 100% in love, and is not at this time. He wants to move out to live alone, but it didn't mean that we could not do things together or continue to work on the relationship. He hasn't done anything yet to initiate working on the relationship, instead he is just doing his own thing separate from me. He hasn't moved out yet, but he is planning to soon. <P>I was so distraught I went to see a relationship therapist. I asked if he would go and he flat out said no. But, the next day he said he would consider it (individual and possibly couple). After another week, he said that he had made an appointment for himself, but made it clear to me that he still intends to move out.<P>These are my questions, can counseling help us at this point? I know a lot depends on motivation. We are not sleeping together anymore, and he has distanced himself from me emotionally. He barely speaks to me, and at first it was with anger although he said he wasn't angry, but frustrated. He is nicer now than when all of this began, and we do things together, but it's as if he's not there.<P>Except for telling me that he wants to be in love again, I don't know what caused him to move away from me emotionally. He says I haven't done or said anything wrong.<P>I asked him if there was someone else and he said no, that I was the only special person in his life. But it wasn't enough to love me, or to be 50% in love with me. He wanted to feel "in love" with me. He will be 45 this summer. <P>What do you think he is battling with? He acknowledges that I am a good person, and hopes that I will leave the door open for us to work things out when he moves. Since he doesn't share his needs, I don't know what to address.<P>