Spouses with children who think that the kids will be all right. Our son is 13, before the A, he was so proud of his dad. Every teacher he has had told us they wish they had a classroom full of kids like him. H told me about A with MOW, H confessed this in front of his son. H also told our son he would not take anything from us, H just wanted to leave with MOW, then he lied tried to take everything he could. Our child is having problems dealing with his Dad. Drs. say he needs to talk about his dad & how he feels about him. If you tried to talk about his dad he would get sick & throw up. Son now talks to people he doesnt know about his dad cheating with this woman he calls a "B" & how the police are stupid & crooks. H was a policeman before getting caught with MOW in patrolcar. Ive heard language out of my son that he would never say before. Now he is calling Dad & MOW names that you hear on the streets. Today was Awards night at his church school. I bought 3 tickets for the dinner thinking maybe he would ask Dad. He told me "Hell No", son invited a friend instead. He called his Dad last night & told him not to pick him up for his Sun visit with him, saying that he wanted to do something at church instead. H only ask if he was mad. Last week son found out that dad took MOW & 2 of her kids out for the weekend. I can count on one hand the times we went out to eat in 17 yrs. Vaction was 2 of them, Im cant remember when H went shopping with us, I believe it was 5 years ago. Son was hurt that he was spending so much time with another woman & her kids. Son would not even tell his classmates he had a dad til a few months ago. I dont hate my H just wished he had talked to me about his problems. Im at peace something he doesnt understand. Sounds funny now but I feel sorry for him, H only has one child & cant have anymore. Our son has lost respect for him, he still loves his dad. If you have children please think about them first before you do yourself. The grass is not always greener on the other side. H has told me a couple of time that he is a balding 42 man ( Im 48), Im not sure why he says this but I married him for better or worst & would have stood by him when he was having bad times. I wish I could stop my child's pain but cant, gave H a second chance to stop seeing MOW he couldnt he was in love with her. Our son has made it clear that he doesnt want anything to do with dad, son will be asking the judge to stop all visits with dad.

misst,<p>I'm sorry for your son and for you.<p>Your H is really messing up everybody's lives.<p>But...<p>I would like to say that, although I understand that you would feel gratified that you son takes your side - and wants to punish your H - just as you want to punish him, I don't recommend that you encourage such behaviour. It might cause trouble with the court down the road if your H complains that you are bad-mouthing him in front of your son. As hard as it is, you should try to avoid that. It won't help your son, nor will it help you. Yes, it may feel good, but in the long run it causes more trouble than it's worth.<p>Now, I don't know that you do this (although it must be very hard to resist), but...<p>Telling your S that his Dad doesn't love him or that he loves OW's kids more - or even that he loves OW more only hurts your son. If you find out about your H's activities with OW and her kids, you don't have to tell your son.<p>Just my opinion. I hope I haven't offended you.<p>-AD

Hi Misst, sorry to see you go through that what an ordeal. Your son will remeber the pain as he gets older... I remember early 2001, after my now xw seperated, she had me watch her house while she left the 2 D,s at home who were old enough according to law [of course I disagreed her leaving] while she went on a trip to CA to see 2 men. One daughter left for the weekend on a school trip, that left one daughter at home alone. D that was alone decided she wanted to sneak boys in the house....<p>Now the problem was: This was wifes house<p>Wife out of town sneaking around W OM's, met over internet, disquised trip as seeing relatives.
Daugter sneaking boys in the house.
Other daughter on school trip<p>I get to W,s house and confronted and chased boy out of house as he ran out back door...But first had to call WS/W out of town to get permission to chase boy out of house[Why?because D said this is moms house and you're not allowed and shut the door!!] I was shocked!!...Now WS sneaking and daughter sneaking all in same hour and day, boy what a rollercoaster that was.....<p>What touched me more than anything was:
A guy who was my neighbor at one point saw what was happening and came over to assist chasing this guy....The neighboor guy started crying after all was over and telling me why he was crying.....<p>He said he was crying because he saw how my daughter was treating me and bad mouthing me amazed of how my WS/W turned them against me, he said he remember how his mom cheated on his DaD and falsely turned him against his dad and he lost his relationship with his father because his Mom lied to him all those years..he's 31 now<p>This guy saw how my relationship with my Daughters used to be, he couldn't believe what my wife had done to my daughters then, he was devestated, he saw both D's treat me as scum, he then left and offered to help me any way he could and said he would pray for them...<p>So I guess what I'm saying is your H has done enough damage alone and has emotionally scared your son....you don't have to acknowledge husband foolishness to son its already known, your son will grow-up and remember whats happened because the wounds of betrayal and deceit can last a lifetime. Your husband is not moving forward in life but backwards, all affairs are moving backwards in life not forward..more than anything don't allow your son to think ALL police are bad, otherwise he'll have no respect for the law and end up in prison if his anger is not dealt with...

Misst;
As a father of two girls(15&13) I must admit that they handled this situtation every well.they are well adjusted and know dad is always here for them. As for the GF kids boy is that a mess. The GF husband left her and she does not want him back cause of the things he has done before and since. The kids where getting adjust to the situation until the sister moved in. She left a physically abusive husband and came here as she needed to go somewhere, no big deal. But ever since then the mother and sister have been trying to get him and her back together again. She has resisted until last week. The sister had to move to hid on the husband, so they both moved. They both signed the lease so one or the other can move out leaving the place to the other. What the GF didn't know that mother and sister planned to move the X in with them and they did. Now what? the GF has gone nuclear and is stuck with him in the house. My concern is what about the kids? This will confuse the hell out of them and what will happen to them when GF kicks his butt out?
This is a real mess right now and I'm powerless to do anything<p>231 [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

in responce to punish my x, telling our son that dad doesnt love him. <p>I have no reason to punish x or tell our son lies about his dad. our 13 yr old knows right from wrong, knew what our home was like before MOW. son is mad that dad tells him that mom is unfit mother because I couldnt take him to get haircut on sat, our truck needed a rear wheel senor, x said I was lying I have the paperwork for repair cost that was done on Monday. one sunday he hears give this child support money to your mom before she cries. NO child should have to hear this. The payment was less than half of what it should have been, then he takes MOW & her 3 kids out for the weekend & he wonders why our son doesnt want to be with him. I tell our son that dad is having problems right now just give him time and that he loves him. X has never called to talk with his son since 7/2001 a couple of times I put him on the phone when I called x, our son got so upset that he threw up. X kept telling son that I said he didnt love his dad, I never told him this. X told me he hated me a few weeks ago & stopped loving me a yr ago. He is the one filled with hate. He told our son he wouldnt take anything from us, then walked away with sons college money, & not paying for the church school like he promised. We are appealing & the outlook looks good. I have no hate for my x, Ive told him I wish him the best with this woman but he needs to get over the hate or it will mess up his new marriage. I have told our son to get dad to take him to church on sundays.

<small>[ September 23, 2002, 11:14 AM: Message edited by: AD ]</small>