I received this on an e-mail. Sometimes we want advice from everyone under the sun,(not that advice and different opinions are not good), but sometimes we need to listen to our inner voice too. Just thought it was interesting enough to share........

They tell the story of a mountain climber who was
eager
to conquer 22,841-foot Mt. Aconcagua, the highest mountain
in the Western Hemisphere.

After months of preparing, he began climbing, alone. And
as the day came to an end, he decided not to set up camp...
but to keep climbing instead.

Soon night fell with a sudden heaviness, and darkness
swallowed the mountain. There was no moon, the stars were
covered by clouds, and visibility shrunk to nothing as
the terrain turned black.

And as he was climbing a ridge, about 300 feet from the
top, he suddenly slipped and fell.

Falling rapidly, he could only see blotches of darkness
as they passed, and he felt the terror of being sucked in
by gravity. And in those panic filled moments his life
flashed before him and he knew he'd die...

...until he felt a jolt that almost tore him in half.

Yes!

Like any good mountain climber, he'd staked himself with
a long rope tied around his waist. And in those next few
moments of stillness, as he dangled from the rope in the
cold, dark air, he screamed "HELP ME!"

And a deep, quiet voice answered from the darkness...
"What do you want me to do?"

"SAVE ME!", he pleaded, tears streaming down his cheeks.

And the voice, soft and warm, answered clearly: "I will...
just cut the rope that's holding you up."

But he held on tighter...

...and the next day the rescue team found him frozen,
clinging to the rope...

...two feet off the ground.

How close are *you* to getting out of your box and gett-
ing what you want? What's holding you back? Will you
trust the voice inside, the voice of that powerful part
of you that can do most anything...

...and cut the rope?

© Pat Lynch, 2000-2002. All rights reserved.

Please feel free to forward this on.

<small>[ October 15, 2002, 07:58 AM: Message edited by: Free Again ]</small>

Free Indeed,<p>Thats a good story... I'm going to remember that one for awhile.<p>Wallace

Thanks Wallace,
Actually, reading your post is what prompted me to post it, but didn't want to intrude on your thread with it so I put it here.

I am going to go with my gut feel and inner voice.<p>Your comments were right on the numbers.<p>I should of went with my inner voice a long time ago, maybe it wouldn't be so bad... but who knows.<p>I'm going to move on with my life, and post comments where I think I can help people avoid the situation that I fell into.<p>Wallace

Hey Wallace,
It took me a little while to get back to your comment. I have been very busy. I have been in a bad situation for a long time too and sometimes when you're in the middle of it , you can't see the whole big picture clearly. I have put my poor kids and self through living hell trying to hang on till H changes or I can make things better. Sometimes it just isn't going to happen. I really think my H is BP or someting, but he refuses to admit he has a problem and consequently will never get the help he needs, so he leaves me no choice if I want to lead a normal life. I think the hardest part is coming to the realization that we have to move on and are sometimes helpless to help others and definelty helpless to help those who don't want help. Good Luck.

okay! I tried listening to my inner voice and the only thing I can hear is "Go buy chocolate now!" [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>ANNA

Anna... If you buy some chocolate, please bring some back for me, could you? Chocolate is good.<p>Free Indeed,<p>As each day passes, I feel my strength growing... stronger and stronger... day by day.<p>The longer I have no contact with my WS, the more determined my resolve to end it with the D.<p>As you stated. "you can't see the whole big picture clearly". While all this insanity is going on, you are absolutely right.<p>I too am guilty, of putting my children through all this nonsense, and as much as I have loved my W, it all has to end... we can no longer tolerate it anymore.<p>The sad part is, I think she believes that she can come back home anytime she wants to, just like she has always been able to, when her fun time was over. That is not the case this time.<p>I and my family have always faithfully waited for her to come home each time, only to watch her walk out the door time again, for more fun time... this time was her last time walking out on our family.<p>It appears that we both have been left with a "no choice option", and that is to move on.<p>It is hard to come to the realization that you are left with no options, and that it is over. But I for one am not going to continue to throw my love and compassion on the ground, only to be stepped on by someone that gave nothing but "broken trust". This I do for myself and especially my children.<p>I am the mountain climber in your story, the only difference is that I am going to cut the rope... as scary as it is.<p>I can't help my W, I have tried, and it has all been in vain. <p>Granted, I am not perfect... we all have our faults... but in my heart, I know, that I deserve better as well as my children... You sound like you feel the same as I do in that regard. <p>That's the Inner Voice that is speaking to me. What is your Inner Voice telling you? <p>However it ends, let it be God's will.<p>
Wallace

Run Luke Run!<p>Joe

Great story, free. Thanks for sharing it. <p>Hey Anna, get me a banana split while you're out getting chocolate! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

ROFL Toomuchcoffeeman<p>You got that right!<p>Wallace<p>[ May 22, 2002: Message edited by: Wallace ]<p>[ May 22, 2002: Message edited by: Wallace ]</p>

OK,
Here is another one of these out of the box potential builders.What do you do with the pain in your life?
CHOCOLATE IS GOOD!<p>NO PAIN, NO GAIN
What do you with your pain?
If you're like most people, you narcotize it as fast
as you can, with everything from overwork to alcohol,
TV, sex, drugs, sports, and shopping. The goal's
simple: do whatever it takes to make the pain go away
now! And then quick-fix the symptoms and hope that
takes care of it.<p>Only problem is, that's not the way pain works.<p>Pain's a messenger, and it will do *whatever it takes*
to get it's message through. And if knocking gently on
our door doesn't get us to open up and face the truth
of what's really happening, the pain will knock harder
and louder and it will -- trust me on this -- knock
the door down if that's what it takes to make sure we
get the message.<p>Because pain's real job is to be our best friend and
warn us when something's wrong. Just like the mild
chest pains that often let us know when a heart
attack's about to happen, the pain we experience in
our lives is nature's way of warning us that we've got
to wake-up and change *now* while there's still time.<p>To let go of a dead-end job, for example, that's mak-
ing us crazy -- before we get fired. To get out of a
marriage or partnership that's been over for a long
time -- before it destroys us. To sell a business
we're no longer into -- while we still can. To spend
time with our kids -- before they're nothing more
than memories and regrets. To take the *best possible
care* of ourselves -- before a major health crisis
shatters our life.<p>Take a look at the pain in your life right now:

1) Ask yourself: What hurts so bad you can't stand it
anymore? Write it down.<p>2) Then ask the pain you're feeling what it's trying
to tell you, and listen inside to the answers that
come and write them down. Remember, the pain's a
messenger: once it delivers the message, it can leave
-- *if you do something to fix it*. If you don't,
the pain'll keep coming back and it will find ever-
stronger ways to get your attention until you do.

3) Now ask yourself: What's the opportunity that's
trying to happen in the midst of all this pain?
That's right, opportunity -- because hidden inside
every pain is an equal or greater opportunity that's
trying to birth. And you can find it by poking
carefully through the rubble and looking hard for
new life.<p>4) Dump the quick fixes and do what you know you need
to do to really take care of what's causing the pain --
or it'll come back and make your life a living hell.<p>5) Finally, *use* the pain. How? By deciding what
you're after -- and then figuring out whether you hurt
badly enough to go for it. Because most people don't
succeed until they've got enough pain.<p>Is pain your best friend and your way out of the box?
Sure -- because it pushes you over the edge and forces
you to wake up and do things you'd never do so it'll
go away!<p>An old friend put it up this way: "A few years ago I
was stuck in a job that was completely hopeless, and
when I finally saw the way out it scared me to death.
I felt like I was on this tiny platform 300 feet high
in a circus tent, holding onto a trapeze. I could see
the other platform, way across the tent, where I
wanted to be, but to get there I had to grab the bar,
jump off, and catch the other trapeze swinging toward
me -- and do it with no safety net."<p>And....?<p>"I jumped, and it changed my life forever - but I'll
tell you this: the only reason I ever did it was
because I hurt so bad I had to."<p>Saved again by the pain.<p>© Pat Lynch, 1999-2002. All rights reserved.<p>Please feel free to forward this on.

Great Post FreeIndeed,

PAIN!

It seems like I'm surrounded by it.

It's trying to tell me something I know.

Only thing is, is there is so much of it, it's like a thousand voices talking to you all at the same time... you can hear all the voices of pain... you just can't make out what all the pain is saying.

I can't distinguish what any of the pain is saying... because some of it tells me to do one thing, and some of it tells me to do something completely different... maybe it's me.(I think I'm cracking up, j/k, but not sure).

It's a great post though... keep them coming.

Wallace

You know Wallace, I can really identfy with you. My last trip to the counselor, she asked,"why are you here"? My reply was that my thinking was screwed up and I wasn't sure what to do. Her advice to me was to go whith what I know, not what I feel. Feel is a 4 letter f word. What she meant was I know how bad things are but I feel so many different emotions that it clouds my judgment. She was right and I'm getting there little by little, although some days are better than others. Hang in there.

Free Indeed<p>IMHO, If you go with what you know... it will drive you crazy (at least for me it would). I know too much already, concerning my stbxw... I don't want to know, or need to know anymore.<p>I'm going with what I feel for the moment. Not sure where it is taking me... because I dont know, where it is going to take me... but I'm on my way.<p>Do you see where I'm going with this?<p>If you knew what might lie ahead, then the pain might not be so bad. Or if you knew it was going to be real bad, at least you could prepare yourself for the pain that you knew was coming, as best you could.<p>On the other hand, I think the pain is real, because you don't really know what lies ahead. It's the not knowing and the feelings that you have at the moment that I think conjure up all the pain that is trying to speak to you concerning the situation that you or I, or for that matter anyone has at that paticular moment.<p>I feel that is why, we have good days and bad days.<p>Know, is a four letter word too, but don't pay any attention to me, I'm in a drift today (scattered emotions all over the place).<p>That's just my opinion, I could be wrong.<p>Wallace

WoW!<p>I just read my post, and I am having a bad day.<p>I'm not sure if that made any sense at all.<p>Free Indeed,<p>Stick with what your IC is telling you. It sounds like it is helping you, and that is a good thing.<p>Take it a day at a time, little by little, I agree... thats all you can do.<p>I'm hanging in there with you.<p>Wallace

Wallace,
I guess it all depends on your definition of each
word. Feel, for example could be your emotions, and we all know they vary...a lot! Or it could be your gut feeling or intuition, which I rely on quite a bit. Mine has NEVER let me down or led me wrong. I think what the C meant, to me at least, was based on the facts I know about my H and situation, I can't really ignore them, based on my emotions at the time. My story is uglier than meets the eye, and has the potential to become dangerous. I had the tendency to forget the bad just as soon as the good prevailed. The good, however, is usually short-lived and the bad rears its ugly head without warning. I'm still wondering why I waited so many years to see it. Last year I was thinking, maybe he will get better, be nicer and the abusive outbusrts would dissapear. Then I realized this is the same thing I had been thinking for about 20 years now and decided then, it probably wasn't going to happen. I'm still working through all of this, and by the time he walks out the door, I will be over it and move on with my life. My last ditch effort was a few weeks ago when I told H we needed to talk, that we had some major problems and he yelled out, "NO, YOU HAVE A MAJOR PROBLEM, YOU NEED TO LEARN YOUR PLACE AND GET IN IT" I can't work on this if he is not willing to discuss anything or accept ANY responsibility.
Well, that's enough whining for this a.m. from me.
I sincerely hope you are having a better day. I always pray for God to guide me and help me to make the right decisions and to recognize the answers to these prayers. My answer is always the same, and that is to leave the marriage. I have peace about this answer, but for some reason the timing is just not quite right as of yet. But it is getting there. Will explain more later. I've been up over 24 hrs and am going to go crash for a few hours.

Free Indeed,

I agree with going with your gut feel. In most cases when I went with my gut feel... it proved out to be that I was justified in those feelings... that my gut feel was right.

It sounds to me, that your gut feel is telling you, that you are in a dangerous situation. If that is the case then you need to seek the help you need immediately to remove that danger... nobody needs to live like that. Take the steps you need to take in order for you to feel secure again.

It appears that you have a tough situation on your hands based on your last post.

It also appears that you want your marriage to work. You have worked on it for so long, but you just feel you are not getting anywhere with it, and you don't have much more to give, if anything left to give at all... it's all been one sided. Correct me if I'm wrong on this one.

I know your pain that you probably are experiencing... it's vey painful.

If your like me, you try to think of the good, and not dwell on the past ugliness that has been in your M. I still do it all the time myself, reflect on what could of been.

It's hard to let go, but sometimes it's all that your left with... it's a move that you wish that you were not left with.

My stbxw would not talk with me either about trying to make our marriage work. When she did, it later proved to be all lies.

Well you get some sleep... I know it's hard... but if you don't take care of yourself who will?

Let God lead your way, have faith, never give up.

Be Strong!

Wallace

Hey Wallace,
Finally got some sleep! My S graduated from high school and D from 8th grade on Thur night. Went to their school party till 1 am then went in to work till 6:30. Boy was I tired. I have started taking better care of myself and doing things I like to do. My D made a comment other day to the effect if I took up golfing, she would disown me. I told her in front of H and 2 S that for 20 years I have catered to their needs and wishes and from now I was including myself and doing some of the things I wanted to do. I don't intend on taking up golfing, but if I did it was not her concern. It's hard to break patterns that we stay in for so long, I think that's why I'm still here. H does ok for long periods of time ( ok as in no physical abuse, but it's not ok because he is still emotionally and verbally abusive). Right now, I have changed so many things that I do and the way I handle things, I think he is on his best behavior trying to figure out what my next move is. I did want M to work above all cost for a very long time but now I have detatched myself from him and I am working on getting out. Maybe I'm wrong but I feel as long as no physical abuse is occuring, I can take this time to become stronger emotionally, and I have and get my finances in bettter shape. When I gave up on M working and detatched myself from him emotionally, it was like I was instatnly healed from all of the hurt over the years. I had tried everything to overcome some things he's done to me, without success. I think because there was nothing at stake, wasn't trying to have a better M, or salvage anything, it was all of a sudden easier. H is a control freak. Becoming a stronger person and emotionally secure person is a threat to control freaks. Everytime I would start feeling inner peace or gain a little self confidence, he would shoot me down one way or another. I then started traveling with my job, sometimes for a week at a time. I think it really helped to get out from under his control during these times and allow me to be myself without the fear of being cut down. I eventually became a stronger moreconfident person. This has been a long process, but I don't want to start a new life feeling weak, upset, distraught, needy and worthless. I have prayed a lot and relied on God to carry me through. I just got a promotion at works w/ a $2200.00 raise and am getting another raise in June for $1450.00. Everything is falling into place now. I have a job that I really like, and I even love going to work. I like the person I am. Enough that I will never let anyone treat me the way he has again. I see a very bright future and feel like I have a great life waiting ahead, although I am 47 yrs old and the C says he has taken my youth and trampled it under his feet. He has, but I allowed him to for what ever reason. I will survive! Life is good and getting better by the day. How is your situatuin coming?

Hi Free Indeed,<p>Congrats to your S on his graduation from High School... and to your D as well, you must be proud. Also congrats on your raise... sounds like things are working in the right direction for you.<p>Glad to hear you got some sleep, I needed some, and got some as well.<p>It appears that you have focus on what you want, and where you want to be. Do your children know of your intentions?<p>I know you stated that you have tried to talk to your H about your marriage and how unhappy you are and it hasn't gotten you anywhere.
I'm sorry that you can't talk to your H without him losing his mind, and state to him just exactly what could of made your marriage work (meeting your EN's), doesn't sound like he would listen, and try to do things beter and truly make things better?
Do you think it's so far gone, there is no turning back?<p>As you are probably aware, I'm very pro-marriage. That is why I tried so hard to save mine for so long. I just hate to see things come to an end If there is any hope of salvation for your marriage.<p>On the other hand, it sounds like you have had a rough go of it, and I understand your feelings.<p>Communication is essential to a successful M, among a host of other things.
When you lose communication, the downward spiral begins, and it's hard to recover from that.<p>IMHO, I believe some people who assume the role of a control freak, lack confidence in themselves, as well as self-esteem. They need to start working on themselves, and try to control their own actions.
I'll bet it's rough living with someone like that.<p>You sound strong in your resolve, and your making great strides... it's a hard move to make after the amount of time you have invested in your marriage, but your preparing. Don't back peddle, who knows, your H might be taking notice that your becoming someone that needs to be taken seriously.<p>I'm glad to hear that life is good and things are getting better for you... keep positive and God will lead your path.<p>Not much has changed on my end concerning the D.<p>It's been 5 weeks and counting and no one has heard a word from STBXW.<p>My mother in-law called the other night to see how everyone was doing. One thing that I noticed during the conversation I had with her (she has stated from the very start she has not heard a word from STBXW) is she didn't ask if any of us have heard from STBXW. Don't you find that a little strange? I know I would want to know if anyone has heard from my daughter, if I had not heard anything from her. I think she is in contact with her, she is just not saying, and no one is asking anymore... I think she is lying, I think she has been talking to STBXW. Of course I'm not in a very trusting frame of mind right now considering everything that has happened.<p>Went to my D group last night, I feel so bad for most of the people there... I know their pain. I've been working on putting my brains back into my head. Somedays are better than others. I think the key to this, is staying busy with whatever you can, and work on yourself to become a better and stronger person. That is the goal I've set for myself. I've got the physical part down, I need the mental part now.<p>My children are hanging in there, they are adapting well... they have been through this a bunch of times (unfortunately), so they fell right into place when it happened again this last time.
I promised all of them, that they would not have to endure this again, and they were thankful for that. It pains me to know that I have allowed this type of pain to continue in their lives for so long. God has blessed me with great kids.<p>Well my lawn awaits me (mowing). It's a beautiful day here, sun is shining, life is getting better (I think). <p>I have just one question? When do you ever stop thinking about all this garbage that we are stuck in?<p>If you have an answer, let me know. Stay in touch.<p>Stay strong!<p>Wallace

HI again, Thanks for the reply.
My kids are very aware of my intentions as I have talked with them alot. They too have suffered in this situation. My oldest S is almost 21. He was treated the worst by H. My other son told me the other day, that the l;ast time H slapped Oldest in face, son came in later and told him,"if you EVER hit me again, I am going to kill you and I mean it"! This made me sick to my stomach. My 18 yr S told me if he ever hits anyone agian, he is going to do something. So you see, I have to get out of this situation. This is such a very long pathetic story, I really can't post all of it. Oldest son is married and living away from home, 18 yr old can't wait to leave. All of them have begged me to leave him and are in favor of it, except 17 yr old son. H has never treated this kid like others and he is having a hard time with it.I have tried to consider all feelings and up until lately, I have felt that I have deserved everything I have gotten from him. That's what he always told me andI went into this marriage saying divorcewas not an option. It's funny when you set your mind to something how much it takes to change it. In Jan this year. (just found out) H slapped D !$ in face, knocked her down and drug her by her hair. I cannot tollerate this any more. Even tho it seems like I should not even be in the house with him right now. He is trying really hard to do more with the kids and help out. I have talked to C and we both agree I should not tell him of my plans till I am able to act on them. Right now I think he thinks if he does better, I will just forget everything and we can continue withut interuption. Granted if he even starts to get out of sorts, I will take action immediatly. I feel kind of guilty and will be guilty if anything happens, but then again I am trusting in God and using my gut feelings. I also think he has been talking to a local pastor and trying harder. I hope he gets better for his sake, but yes it is too little too late for me. I don't hate him nor do I wish anything bad on him. I truly hope he gets some help. I just can't live the next 20 years like the last. I don't think I'm bitter, I don't have room in my self to harbor these feelings. I have been emotionally numb for so long, with the help of friends I am beginning to get in touch with my emotions and feel something again. There is no one else in my life that I am interested in and I really need to work on getting my thoughts and emotions back on track. <p>Next note, I think it is strange about W's mother not asking and yes she may be lying to you. Is there any mental instability is W's family? My H is a pathilogical or habitual or some kind of liar. He has no guilt what so ever when he lies to me. And he lies about a lot, always has but hates to be called a liar. I don't call him that , but when I first met him he said something and I jokingly said "you liar" and he went ballistic and told me to NEVER call him that again that he did not lie. Boy was he lying! Loking back, open mindedly now, I can see so many signs that I chose to ignore then. Signs that he may have some problems. We all get wiser as time goes by, at least we should. I love my kids dearly, but if new knew then what I know now, I would have never married him. That is a very strong statement to make, but I could have saved us all a lot of misery. Now having said that, I probably would have because my kids, too, have been an enormus blessing. I love them with all my heart. I would not tade them for anything!<p>In answer to the question about when do we stop thinking about all of this? It will be with me forever, I'm sure but like I said earlier, The moment I relinquished the relationship and removed myself emotionally from it I felt 100% better, like I had a huge burden lifted from me and the thoughts ceased from being ever present. I was finally able to set myself free of them and they no longer control me. For the first time since I don't know when, I feel like a whole person, worthy of love and respect. My life has been so bizzare a lot of people say I shoud write a book. Maybe I will someday. Earlier this month, my 17 s hurt his knee on a field trip, school calls saying he needs to see dr. Took him to H, they drew out a lot of blood, xrays, brace, and app. ortho sugeon. Five minutes befor I reach home, cell phone rings, it is H says hurry up 18 yr old has hurt his knee. So I drop off 17 yr o pick up 18 yr o and head back to H. Turns out they each have broken bones knees. Dr tells us injuries are completly inconsistent with accidents. Go figure. Things like this have been happening for 20 years, it seems as tho we are living under a curse, because many mor strange and weird things have happened. Well, if I'm not careful, my book will end up on this post, Bye for now