I've read your articles/ answers on husbands addicted to porno yesterday but I feel a need to express my feelings and queries to you cos your site at the moment is the only comfort I have right now, cos I'm too embarrassed to share with anyone. I've printed all your Basic Concepts notes last April for my husband to read but he was not interested. He has never been interested to know what's bothering me, even when I tell him. <P>We're been married almost 14 years now, with an 8 year old daughter. Part of the reason I just quit my job so that I could fit my schedule with his as he's always traveling overseas and working long hours. He's not too<BR>happy with the decision cos he would prefer me to have my own activities rather than bothering him.He doesn't share/ talk alot with me. He talks more to his friends. Even when he returns from overseas he doesn't share his experiences with me. He rather watch TV and usually by the time he goes to bed he's real tired. Our lovemaking is about once or twice a week (I know number of times isn't important but they're usually over quite fast). Lately he doesn't show as much interest as before. The recent 2 week overseas trip he came back from, he didn't even want to make love, reason being he was too tired. He provides financially (not a lot) and works hard. He once joked the reason he has to work so hard is cos he has to support us or else he would have retired earlier. He has also told me that we can't divorce cos we're Christians. I feel this statement isn't fair cos he's not upholding certain Christian values at times. He's feels he's great cos he's comparing with his friends who have no "proper" marriage grounds/ values. <P>1. Nov. 98 - I found out he was hiding a hard-core CD (loaned by a friend) to watch when I went on a business trip. We had watched it earlier and he had returned the other CD's which were together except this one. <BR>2. Mac. 99 - Found he was hiding porno CDs, which he bought. Confronted him and told him why I didn't like the idea of him watching. No apologies. <BR>3. Apr. 99 - He surfed the net for adult sites. Asked him why. Later of the year during one of our conversation<BR>regarding the CDs he took them out and threw them away (just to keep me quiet). He promised he wouldn't buy/ watch again. <BR>4. Apr. 00 - Found 2 porno CDs again. Just left them on his dresser and didn't question him. He still hasn't said any thing yet (2 nights),just watched his TV as usual. <P>He gets angry when I ask him why (last year). I've told him to tell me if he wants to watch (by the way he's always looking at girls). Just last Sun. evening (I think he bought the CDs on Sun morning) he asked me whether I wanted to travel to the States alone for a couple of months? The most hurting thing about this is his dishonesty and "not bothered" attitude. He has lied to me many times regarding other things. He doesn't even apologize when he has hurt me before. I really don't know what to do.

If you haven't already please read over on the "General Questions" forum the thread by sadboy. It deals with porn addiction.

Wow...our stories are very similar. I have also been married for almost 14 years. We have two kids ages 10 and 8. I too have been repeatdly lied to by my husband regarding his use of pornography, which started even before we were married. Last year I caught him looking up pornography on the internet and we spent many hours discussing why this is hurtful to me and our marriage. I thought MAYBE he finally understood. I just returned from a trip to visit my mother and discovered that while I was away he again accessed the porn sights he had "promised" never to look at again. When I confronted him, he just said, "oh, sorry...I guess I forgot I had promised you." And he did it while my kids were having a slumber party with their friends in the living room! What kind of a man (and father) is thinking about pornography when his kids are having a slumber party? I need advice on what to do. I feel as though he has crushed any shred of trust I may have had left.