My divorce was finalized on April 17th. I was doing fairly well for a while but now I have taken a major step backwards. I remarried after being single and raising my son alone for 12 years. Thought I found Mr. Wonderful. The year we dated before we got engaged went really well. My husband was raised a strict Catholic and used the religous excuse for not wanting pre-marital sex. We were finally intimate after 10 mos. and everything went well and seemed to be enjoyable for both of us. The minute we married the nightmare started. He wanted everything his way, and could get into screaming rages. We had a fairly normal sex-life for a few months (we were trying to have a child since we were both 40 and he never married before). As our problems got worse our intimacy complete stopped within about 3 months. At this point getting pregnant was of course put on hold. We went for counseling at which point he told me that he did not have an attraction for women,and never did, he told me that he would never and has never acted on being with a man. We continued to work on the marriage, but 8 months passed with no relations. I would not force the issue because I tried to give him space, but he never came around. We had a huge fight 3 weeks after we moved into our brand new house, and my whole world came crashing down. When this first came out he told me he was so sorry to drag me into this mess, and that he thought of all the women (not very many I might add) he dated if it would work with anyone it would have been me. No matter what I did in the marriage I was wrong. I was totally controlled by him because it was his way or no way, bottom line he took it out on me. When we split up he was so cruel, said that I made him think he was gay, that he was with many women in his past, and enjoyed sex, and that it was just me he didn't want to be with. Then he proceeded to go full force with putting the house on the market, going to see a lawyer, spliting money, ripping up credit cards. What was supposed to be my dream ended up a nightmare. Sad part is that I strongly feel there were things in his past that confused him, and that he probably isn't even gay, but he thinks he is. I am having the hardest time. There was no closure. He never came to me and changed his story or said he was sorry. I still have not let his secret out. I don't know when the pain will end. I come to tears everytime I think that this happenned to me and that someone could be so cold. How could you do this to someone who has stood by you? I have many friends, and I don't know any that would have hung in a marriage with a husband that thought he was gay. I am really hoping there is someone out there that can give me some answers or tell me where I can go to find out about situations like this. I have given him every opportunity to talk to me, but he can't face me. We have had a few converstaions in the last 2 months because of the divorce. It was amicable, but we talked for an hour only about family and issues other than ourselves.<BR>Everyone tells me I am never going to get any answers and that I need to get on with my life because he can't face what was brought out in him. Easy to say, but it has been a year, and I am not even close. Thank God I did survive, when I look back I can't believe I got through it. I just wish it would stop hurting and I could let it go.<BR>

<P>ITS HARD TO TELL WHETHER YOUR EX WAS REALLY GAY OR NOT. (1) IF HE WAS GAY, THEN HE WAS HAVING A HARD TIME DEALING WITH IT, OR (2) HE WASNT GAY AND HE JUST DIDNT WANT IN THE RELATIONSHIP ANY LONGER, WHICH IN TURN HE PUT THE BLAME ON YOU JUST TO MAKE HIMSELF LOOK BETTER. BUT WHAT EVER THE REASON WAS, IT JUST DOESNT MATTER ANYMORE, BECAUSE WHATS DONE IS DONE. <BR>THE ONLY THING THAT I CAN TELL YOU TO DO,IS<BR> TO LET GO AND LET GOD!<BR>ITS TIME TO PUT THE PAST BEHIND YOU AND KEEP MOVING FORWARD, LIFE IS TO SHORT TO DWELL ON THE PAST, YOU HAVE YOUR LIFE AHEAD OF YOU, SO MAKE THE BEST OF IT. THE HURT YOU FEEL FROM ALL OF THIS, WILL SOON FADE AWAY, GIVE FAITH TO GOD AND LET HIM GUIDE YOU THE REST OF THE WAY, JUST DONT LOOK BACK, I KNOW ITS EASIER SAID THEN DONE, BUT YOU HAVE TO TRY!<BR>LIFE WILL SOON GET ALITTLE BIT EASIER AS TIME PASSES AND ALSO WITH THE LORDS HELP!<BR>I REALLY HOPE THINGS START LOOKING BETTER FOR YOU, I KNOW THEY WILL, JUST GIVE IT TIME.<BR>THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON,AND MAYBE GOD HAS OTHER PLANS FOR YOU, JUST LET HIM WORK THOSE PLANS AND TURN IT OVER TO HIM!<BR>

<small>[ January 27, 2005, 07:24 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>