I used to post here quite a bit, haven't been here for a few months, but had a question, it may sound a little dumb.<p>My wife is a nurse, and is having an affair with a doctor(surgery). I'm working overseas (8 months ago), found out after I left (6 months ago), apparently it had been going on for a while before I left.<p>My wife is adament our marriage is over, and has really tried to replace me with this guy in every way, he's around my daughter, and her family alot. I went Plan B with her almost immediately,when I found out she was sleeping in our house with the guy, she was really giving me a rough time about it all being my fault, made me feel really guilty.<p>My wife sent me seperation papers, and the doctor is divorcing his wife. I've been told they've been seperated 11 years (??- go figure that one)<p>My question is, do these hospital affairs work out. I mean, the odds of an affair working out are pretty bad, but a friend was telling me the chances of this working out are not good, hospital affai, doctor's and nurses. I thought maybe someone had seen this type of thing before. Right now it seems to be going very hot and heavy, every night my wife is at his house, and she's really in the middle of the Fog.<p>Thanks for your replies.

My thought is what happens to your stbxw when the doc meets up with another pretty young nurse??? Scares the pants off me. They both sound pretty unstable to me. <p>Unfortunately, it appears that your w is looking for someone *else* to make her happy---that doesn't happen but you probably couldn't convince her of that. I think at this point all you can do is Plan A--do what you need to for yourself and your child.<p>It is always a possibility that the 'fun' will wear off as soon as they are able to 'legally' spend time together...somehow the taboo makes the OP so much more attractive than they really are.

I wish I had an answer for you. My WW is a nurse practitioner and is involved with a DR. (her boss) in a small private practice.<p>All I can say is that it probably will end one way or another and the circumstances may make this faster or slower, but I just don't know. In my case I strongly believe if my WW chooses to continue the A, it will eventually lead to bad things for her.

Yeah, 6 months now since I found out, I went plan B pretty quick, for survival, the affair seems pretty passionate which I expected, bec. I got slaughtered pretty badily emotionally. Seems to be a great big fantasy to me, moving in together, doctor's around my daughter since day one, they're moving very very fast. It'll be interesting a year or two from now, how it works out. I just thought maybe someone had worked in a big hospital, might have some idea if this happens often or not. I do believe if they split up, it'll be pretty rough for them, working together and the gossip.

our local hospital is very small, looks more like a medical center. H was having A with LPN. Ive now found out from people who work at this hospital that this is common practice for a few nurses there, if its not a Dr. then the police dept where H used to work. Its a game to a few bad ones, they have sex & then sit at the nurses station telling all. Rarely does the doctors leave their wifes for them or the nurses leave their H, one RN gave up her son & H so she could lead this type of life, she is still running after a married cop who doesnt want her anymore. MOW is Divorcing her H for my H Ive been told that she was pasted around the hospital doctors and other policemen which she is still seeing on duty. I have to say its has a lot to do with our small town & the way they live around here. Women here use sex. A friend of mine has a daughter (18) who had 4 different guys in 4 days. They think nothing of it and wonder why the guys dont respect them. It wont be long before someone else comes along that looks better than my H.

Steve1: My husband is not a doctor, but a lawyer. He left me for one of his clients in January. I worked in his office and was totally blindsided by this. He moved into a second house we owned and she and her two teenage daughters moved in with him. He told me he wanted a divorce and made me see a lawyer. The paperwork was started. I had to leave my job and was immediately forced into Plan B since he refused to speak to me. I had absolutely no time to try Plan A. The end of April, he kicked his girlfriend and her kids out of the house. He still will not contact me however.<p>I had the same questions you have when my husband left me. Will this affair last forever? I was desperate for answers. I read books looking for timelines, statistics, etc. I, at least, thought my husband's affair would last longer than 3 months especially since he had given up so much for this relationship, but it didnt. I was shocked when I heard he had kicked her out so soon. Reality had set in for him. Day to day living had eroded their fantasy life. I stuck to Plan B and am still am. I think the same will happen for your wife. The grass is never greener on the other side. The same daily problems will crop up. It is a very difficult and confusing time. Hang in there.

Steve1:<p>I don't think a Hospital has more co-worker affairs than any other business. And the odds of the affairs working out are the same as any other EMA. Not very good!!<p>Flaca<p> [LIST]
Married 13 years
D-day 9/00
H had EA with co-worker (Police Dept.)
2 D's 9 & 10
In Recovery

Wow. I read a couple posts and thought I wrote them. I too am a fatality of the medical profession. WW a NP and NMW. Dr. is our family Dr. her supervisor and preceptor. Had our D trial last week, just waiting outcome. I am fighting for custody of our 4 children. She has exposed/involved them in the A and told them way too much. <p>This OM was treating me for depression at the time. He is 18 yrs older than WW and divorced his wife of 25 yrs. Also supposedly separated for about 11 yrs - he slept in a separate BR in their house. Was having an A prior to my W with another Dr.s W. <p>I too am afraid this will last forever. I hope not, I do not want him around my children. By the way I said Dr. the guy is a DO and I have lost all faith in that profession.<p>In addition, am preparing for 2 lawsuites against him. <p>John<p>[ May 21, 2002: Message edited by: JohnC ]</p>

Yeah it's strange, don't understand the "seperated for 11 years" altough I've learned not to believe too much.<p>The new job she's applying for is her bosses, who's off on a medical bec. of stress, her husband (a policeman) left her for another woman. Unbelievable.<p>My wife, during the Fog speech, said "I just want to be comfortable" "I don't want life to be a struggle" couldn't figure it untill my FIL said "well he's nothing special to look at, but he's loaded".<p>Only thing I don't really understand is how quickly they set up house together, to be honest I think she's the pursueor and told him a few lies about me.<p>The staff at the big hospital have parties (no spouses allowed" and she's been off on a few business trips. I really think it all went to her head, and the crowd she is friends with have all had affairs, etc.<p>I just keep hearing about this hospital thing, sounds like the nurses are competing with each other.

I'll gaurentee she told more than a few lies. She probably is the pursuer but I am sure he has done some of that himself. If my situation is any indication, their main past time is probably to discuss you at length and how bad of a guy you are in order to justify what they are doing.<p>Yes, they are competing. My W was openly complaining to me that her office esp. her office mgr were accusing them of having an affair. Her comment was that the Office Mgr wanted him and she was jealous of the attention she paid to WW. Of course at the time WW denied anything going on. My lawyer describes this OM as a toad (I have video of them on a trip to Colorado together) so OM is not much to look at but has income and opportunity to make someone feel important. WW always searching for approval esp. from a father figure.<p>JC<p>[ May 21, 2002: Message edited by: JohnC ]</p>

That's a good point, although I never really realised it before, I couldn't understand some of the BS she was spouting off, the way she said it was like more of a statement, no discussion. I thought maybe it was her friends at work, but you're right, he was probably putting a lot of this into her head. Funny, I never thought they'd sit around discussing me, but thinking back I'm sure you're right.<p>Prior to the speech it really seemed kind of a rollercoaster ride, I guess now I'd talk about things with her, then she'd go to the other man and tell him, next thing I knew I she was mad at me again. I didn't know about him at the time, if any of this makes sense.

I started to write a few more things for you then got a little squimish. I would be happy to discuss more if you would like to take this offline. Please post your email address and we can talk.<p>Hope you understand.<p>John

<p>[ May 21, 2002: Message edited by: steve1 ]</p>

[ May 21, 2002: Message edited by: steve1 ]<p>[ May 21, 2002: Message edited by: steve1 ]</p>

That's interesting Fingers, three months??, That's pretty quick, the affair in my case has been public knowledge about six months, I know they are living together with my daughter, that's about it. I think it will run out of gas at some point, it seems they always do, but they really set me up, waited untill I left on an overseas job before I was told about it, turned off credict cards, bank accounts, sent seperation papers. My wife wanted everything, the house, car, you name it. The only thing they made a mistake about was my wife told me about the other man on the phone, with him in the house, bec. I asked her to ask him to leave, and she wouldn't, and because my daughter was in the house, I called her parents. Well they live 5 minutes away, when they arrived he was gone, within a few weeks she was introducing him to everyone, but I guess it made things a bit more more difficult..

Hey Steve,
My x is a RN and om is/was a respiratory therapist. They were both "working" late shifts and she said they just sat around drinking coffee and then "it just clicked." <p>When we tried to reconcile, I tried to get her to change hospitals and she said no, she loved this place and all the people there. After om was fired she left shortly after saying"they were out to get her." She got in trouble for acting like a teenager with om at the hospital, even while we were still married. <p>I would have to say, x didn't much support form her coworkers, in fact one of the people wrote her letters telling her she would burn in he!!.<p>The EA started around MArch, maybe even in Jan, turned physical in May, she moved out in July. We were divorced in Feb and om divorced his wife about a month later and then they married in Dec. They are now separated and supposedly filing for divorce. SO they lasted 15 months married and just over 3 yrs together in one form or the other.<p>Someone once told me that nursing and elementary teachers, both which are heavily female positions tend to have more affairs. For whatever reason, with the few males around, they are drawn to each other. That maybe when the competition starts, striving to gain favor with the opposite sex, they start talking about the spouse and how they don't understand, etc.<p>I was suprised when I first met om, he was neither good looking or wealthy, although he seemed to have money(I think his mother bankrolled him). I think my x was attracted to him because he could talk medicine with her( pretty much her only interest) and he promised her the moon.

Thanks for the message RWD, I too think a combination of factors in the hospital working environment can lead to affairs. Sounds like the nurses can be pretty rough on each other, and from what I've picked up on the other doctors can be merciless, in a pretty funny way at times, with it all. My wife's greatest fear was someone she works with would find out about the affair, before she was seperated from me. She kept it very well hidden from everyone. And like your wife, my wife loves the place where she works at. I think she was smart enough to lay the blame on me, a long time ago, from comments she made. She too acted like a teenager with a crush on her teacher, flirting was desperate, but i believe she's used it all to her advantage at work, lost weight and sounds quite happy.<p>Hardest thing I deal with is I call my daughter once a week, my daughter in almost every conversation mentions the O.M. All I can think of is bec. my wife is so happy with the O.M. (at the moment) it rubs off on my daughter. He buy's her dolls, etc. I just listen.<p>You mention your wife and the O.M. broke up, the 1 and 1/2 year mark seems to be the critical point after these affairs go public. I genuinely believe my wife and the O.M. will make a go of it, but I hear of so many of these affairs break down after a year and a half, I'm beginning to really wonder, if it's true, or if it's just this board? Of course we're all biased, want these affairs not to work out, I thought they probabaly had an even chance of working, but I'm beginning to wonder.<p>This guy has gotten so involved with my daughter, I have to ask you this question, did your wife show any remorse to you, after her and the O.M. split up? What bothers me is if these two split up in a year or two, won't this affect my daughter, I mean, loss of two male figures in her life, in just a matter of years. It wouldn't bother me so much but my wife is so completely adament about getting this guy involved with my daughter, at such an early and stupid stage of their relationship, the figures suggest it won't work out.<p>I don't know what to think.<p>Thanks

My H is a doctor ("D.O." is a doctor, by the way), and left me and our three children for a nurse with whom he worked. The two of them both worked together in a suburban community hospital. <p>Their affair started four years ago, at least that's the time I'm aware it started, and it appeared H was ready to drop her this past summer when, lo and behold, she became pregnant. Since then, she gave birth to a baby boy and H has still not divorced me and married her. It is hard to believe that an ICU nurse and an infectious disease doctor could find themselves in a predicament like this, especially given their ages: She, 36, he, 49. <p>Our divorce is finally ready to be finalized next week and I hope he does marry her. After all the pain and hell the two of them put my children and me through, they deserve each other. <p>Most affairs really do end sooner rather than later and if the two people do end up getting married, the odds of the marriage being a successful one aren't that great, either.<p>[ May 22, 2002: Message edited by: MovingOn ]</p>

Thanks for your reply Movinon, I understand the hell and hope things have improved for you. I'd like to ask you and the others something, I've been pitch black with my wife since I found out about this thing, 6 months ago, but bec. I'm overseas I feel it will soon begin to affect my relationship with my 4 year old daughter. On the other hand, if I act friendly to my wife and the O.M., I feel like I'm condoning or enabling what I feel is an addiction. May sound odd, but i'm trying to predict the future, which sounds stupid, because of my relationship with my daughter, not my wife.<p>I call once a week, send money every month, and am going back for the first time since all this broke loose (6 months ago) next week. Although I can get back occasionally on visits, calling my daughter is my main way of staying in contact, relocating back to my home isn't an option in the forseeable future bec. of the job sit there, and the in laws are parked on the sidelines. Right now I just hang up after speaking with my daughter. If this thing continues for awhile, it's really my relationship with my daughter that suffers, although it makes me sick to my stomach to act friendly to my wife or the O.M. at this point.<p>How did you handle it?<p>[ May 22, 2002: Message edited by: steve1 ]</p>

I think it depends on where a person is emotionally when they have an A. If they are just looking for a way out of their marriage because they are unhappy then it probably won't last. If they have been divorced emotionally from their spouse for years or like the doctor separated for a long time, then they could be emotionally ready to commit to another long term relationship. If your W is only going for the doctor to get out of her marriage to you or because she was lonely with you gone, it won't last for her. However, I don't see how anyone who meets under those circumstances could ever trust the other. If they did it once, they will probably do it again.