Not to make light of your situation Steve, and I guess I have heard of a few cases of EA's occurring in the hospital in which I work.....but geez.....when does an RN even find the TIME to 'flirt' with a co-worker let alone develop an intimate relationship??? We're so over stressed, over worked and short staffed...I'm lucky if I can squeeze in a bathroom break!!

I hate to say it but I'm another casualty of the doctor/nurse affair. My doctor XH had an affair with a nurse who was also his administrative assistant. <p>From what I gather, the people at work always look nice, they are always on their best behavior, and they are not dealing with the headaches of daily life like laundry, homework, dishes etc. so they are able to flirt and talk and become friends with others at work, and if you think about it - if these people spend at least 40 hours a week with each other - that's way more quality time that most of us got or get from our spouses. Our spouses see us not looking our best, doing mundane tasks, complainig about the bills, fussing over the kids - it's not a fair comparison, and then when you get home from work, you're tired and busy. So how do we even have a chance?<p>The nurses were always propositioning my H - or at least that what he says. He has low self esteem so it made him feel great to have all of these women throwing themselves at him. <p>Of course he doesn't view his current relationship as taudry - but the OW didn't want anyone to know that she had an affair with a doctor - it would ruin her reputation she said. <p>However, since neither my XH or OW are working on themselves and have totally taken God out of the picture in their lives, I don't see how it can last. They're not very happy - or at least my XH isn't even though he says he is, but he doesn't act happy, he's put on weight and looks terrible. The problem he has now is that he thinks that I'm the root of his problems instead of putting the blame where it should be - on him. <p>Oh well. If he does it once, it will happen again - no matter what he says, he's no longer a man of his word. I don't think it's just a hospital thing, but there is danger anytime you spend alot of time with someone because then they can deposit love units. K

Steve,
My x did right me an apology letter, see my post of a couple weeks ago. <p>The failure of these marriage is is pretty high. Read Frank Pittman's "Private Lies." It gives details why these have such a high failure rate.<p>I guess I was lucky, the om/h didn't show much interest in my kids. A little in my s at first, but for the most part he did his thing(worked on his car). He was supposed to build my s a bedroom in the basement, but never finished it. <p>My son was talking about it and my d said om would never finish it. SHe was right.<p>I am concerned about my d with all the crap going on in her young life. I asked my [censored]'t pastor to counselor her or at least attempt to.<p>I strongly urge you to get back near your daughter. Don't be absent from her life. DO what ever you have to to be near her.<p>Hang in!<p>Bob<p>Who's Hurtin Now,
You must work in a large hospital. My x worked and works in small country hospitals. When they are busy they are very busy, but it sure seems like there is a lot of downtime, especially at night.<p>One time I saw a respiratory therapist asleep in the waiting room. <p>We also had a friend who worked in a small hospital because she had 2-3 small kids. The job wasn't stressful and paid well, according to her.

A hospital environment is a hotbed for potential affairs. My friend, a nurse, says that there are plenty of nurses that troll around for doctors who might want an A. They also try to figure out which doc's "fool around" so they can get involved. I've seen plenty of doc's have A's with nurses, sometimes they leave their wives, often they don't. But those women seem to want to "snag" a doc, they think the life is so great with lots of $$. C

Thanks for the replies and advice<p>TickledPink: I just don't understand "seperated from his wife for 11 years and divorcing his wife now" No man can stay "seperated from his wife for 11 years" I cannot understand that statement, I've heard it happens, but I couldn't do it, I will never make any sense of that statement ever. to be honest, if my wife and the O.M. weren't so inseperable now after 6 months, I'd say it's a great pick up line. She's moved him into her life so fast, i don't think it's a "murder the marriage" affair.<p>Who's Hurtin Now: Yeah I know, my mother was an R.N., my father was the one who had the affair, she used to come home after a 3 to 11 shift completely whacked, but here in Europe they have quite a few parties, especially around the holiday's, no spouses allowed, and my wife has been going off on work study days, and reps have organised trips to see new equipment.<p>God is in Control: I can't believe you have four children, when I saw my wife during the Fog speech 6 months ago she looked fine, probably better than ever, losing weight, dressing nicer, although since I've been out of the situation I do look and feel better, mentally I feel like I've been through the wringer. I know every relationship is different, but i have to say it sounds like things are going well for my wife and the D.O.<p>firefly: I didn't counsiously pick up on it at the time, but every month or two for the past year my wife has mentioned some guy, I thought she was just flirting a bit, but thinking about she mentioned salesmen, other nurses, their husbands, administrators, project managers, so I'm not knocking doctors, I apologise if it sounds like that, because there are some out there, who I believe are moral and good people, and nurses, my mother worked like a dog as an RN, and I'm sure never looked at another man.<p>I'm not sure what to make of it all.

Steve,
My x also mentioned alot of other guys, especially ones she worked with. I was getting real angry about one male nurse in particular. He seemed to know an awful lot about our personal business. He was always offering hints/tips on how I should do things around the house as he had done all this stuff prior to becoming a nurse.<p>He was always calling off work on weekends and my x ended up going in to work for him. She would complain, but never do anything about it. I would ask her to take a day or two off and it was like the world was coming to an end.<p>This same guy got in trouble at work, he got caught snooping around in another dept. My x defended him like crazy. She kept saying "they" were out to get him, that there was no reason for him to be in this other dept. I asked why did they catch him there then? She got mad at me!!<p>She called today and ended up chit chating with me and she told me she now knows all the police men in the small town where she is working now. It probably won;t be too long till she is running around with a cop. Hopefully he will be single.<p>I have to admit, way back in the back of my mind, I thought if my wife would ever leave me it would be for a doctor.<p>When I found out about the om and she told me he drove a sports car, I pictured some young sweet talking dr with slick black hair pulled back in a pony tail, driving a new BMW or Mecedes.<p>Imagine my suprise when I found she was with a salt & pepper haired, slumped back, respiratory therapist older guy driving an old pontiac firebird !

RWD<p>That's interesting, I haven't met the O.M., my FIL said he's nothing special, not to impressed, also. The way my wife carried on I thought he might look like Richard Gere, or something.<p>Sounds like your wife if acting exactly like my wife, that's why I don't chit chat with her, went pitch black because all it does is get me upset, but why do these women turn into drama queens? Why throw these men in your face, or mine. What's the point? Why "share it" with us?<p>My wife turned into a flirt, voice changed (deeper and softer) big "dying cow" eyes, ego over the moon, losing weight, dressing better (and at times a bit strange). very exaggerated speech at times: draumatic?<p>Don't know. Would like to know if your wife has snapped out of it.

Also, what do you do about your self esteem? I'm finding that mine went lower and lower, without realising it, because I believe this affair was going on, so subconsciously I feel I must have been taking a hammering, like nothing I've done has been good enough. First you hear about one man, then another, then another, everything's very innocent though. I asked my wife if she there was someone else 6 months before the speech "no". During the Fog speech "no". I found myself trying harder and harder to please my spouse, but it doesn't do any good, then the Fog speech, and then replacement by the O.M., my self esteem went in the toliet, Been 6 months now since discovery and the speech and seperation..<p>and i still haven't figured out if these two are basically good people, caught up in an addiction which they probably will come out of in a couple of years, or if they are a couple of people just out for themselves, with terrible morals. i do realise every relationship is different though...

Steve,
Are you in counseling? I had lots. I went to a professional, and had a friend who is a school principal and had gone through all this crap, and I made a friend with a minister(he had actually tried to counsel my x and I ended up stealing her from him, well actually she quit going). They all helped me immensely.<p>Remember why you did have some faults in your marriage, she was responsible for the affair. She made the choice. This isn't about you, it is all about her and him. Quit beating yourself up.<p>My x's affair and subsequent marriage has ended and they are getting divorced. I think right now, she is enjoying her new found freedom. It has to be a relief that she no longer has to check up on her om/h.<p>I really haven't seen much change in her in the past month, although she has been somewhat chatty the last few times I talked to her. Actually yestrday was the first I talked to her in two weeks.<p>Hang in!<p>Bob