I am kind of in a combination of A and B right now while we still live together. However, following the court decision I am unsure of how to act. The A still goes on and she continues to expose our children. I know she would love for us to "be friends" but I can not. I will be nice but I do not want to be her friend - I still love her and would love to still work out the problems in our marriage but I am not and will not be just a friend. Have already run into problems where she wants it her way and angry if I resist.<p>How should this work?

You are still living together and are soon to be divorced? I don't believe there is such a thing as a nice divorce; especially if an affair is involved. It takes a long time to heal and make the transition. There is no rule that says you have to be your stbx's friend. Be a good Dad, but do your best to let go of the past and the marriage if divorce is around the corner. Often times guilt drives the WS to claim they want to be friends...but what exactly is that? It is hard to be objective and friendly when inside you are feeling betrayed, emotional, and hurt. The best thing you can do is work on rebuilding your life without her.

I agree dont let her fool you again with this friendship crap I am in the same boat and I agree there is no need to be just friends when you are not willing to work on the marriage might as well cut our losses right now.<p>Good Luck and take care of yourself.

Yes still living together. She told me a year ago this saturday, filed August. I have been plan A since but I think I also did not give enough space. Affair was going on for about 2 years prior and I didn't know.<p>Custody trial was last week. Continued for 1 of her last minute witnesses. I am upbeat about my chances for custodybased on how the trial went.<p>So how do I plan B as a divorced person?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by TheLion:
<strong>I agree dont let her fool you again with this friendship crap I am in the same boat and I agree there is no need to be just friends when you are not willing to work on the marriage might as well cut our losses right now.<p>Good Luck and take care of yourself.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I wholeheartedly agree that the so-called friendship she wants with you is nothing but crap and what it really means is that she doesn't want to loose you to another woman and wants you to wait for her in case things don't work out with OM.<p>From the moment I got involved with my GF ,my xWW (who wouldn't have given me the time of day while we were married) has been making unwelcomed declarations of remorse and love towards me. But I see these declarations as nothing more than a manipulative tactic by her to regain what she lost. She wants her lollipop that she threw away and somebody else picked up and is enjoying it.<p>So once you are divorced from your W, be smart and move on.<p>Joe

Plan B? It is impossible not to have any contact with your ex when there are children involved. Unless, she completely walks away, which she most likey won't, you will have to have some contact. Plan B is not easy once you are divorced...any conversation is limited to the kids. My ex drops the boys curb side...I drop them off curb side. I have been divorced for a year and I still can't have a civil conversation with him...so I don't.
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