Hello,
I need to talk about an incident in our home this evening. I was cooking dinner after my son's baseball game. My 8 year old son and 6 year old daughter were helping me get dinner ready. We sat down, said grace and thanked each other for their contributions to our dinner. It was such a great feeling of peace and togetherness. Then out of the blue my daughter starts to cry. The gut wrentching, sobbing kind of cry. She proeceededs to tell me she is OK with Mom living at her own apartment and us living here(in our home). But she's scared because Mom and I don't see each other anymore. I asked her exactly what is it that's scaring her. She told me she remembers Mom going out with her hockey friends. She was scared that Mom and them were more than friends. (My 33 year old wife had an affair with a 23 year old college hockey player last year and resumed it after a year of MC.) I was stunned. I couldn't speak. I didn't know what to say except it's OK to have her feelings. That Mom and Dad love her and her brother more than all the stars in the sky. I then asked my son what his feelings were on Mom living in her own apartment. He said he felt the same way as his sister. I didn't know what else to say. I never thought I would hear this from an 8 and 6 year old. I feel like I was not being honest with my kids by not acknowledging that they are right, that what they feel and what they see is the truth. Oh God, I need some help on this one.<p>Craig

Tough one. My 8 year old knows all about his Dads little playthings, and it really has been hard for him. Added twist for the poor kid, dad is now disabled from an accident, so he has guilt from being mad, thinks he caused the accident....<p>Anyway, therapy has been a real wonder. It is hard for them to discuss this with you, you are something they want to talk about too. So, in comes the shrink. Nothing heavy duty, no big tears and hard work like for adults. Just a chance for the kids to explain their feelings, get them put into words right, or down on paper in words or pictures. Then the shrink gives permission for them to have these feelings.<p>The kids prolly know a ehll of a lot more than you think. I was pretty suprized. The 8 year old figured dad had "sexy" with another person not his mom.<p>tough stuff. hang tight.<p>feel free to email me.<p>Elizabeth

She's right. Sounds like counseling is in order. I swear by it. It's done wonders for my daughter. Wonders. My son, well he struggles, but mostly with his own stuff - some learning differences and delayed emotional development despite his intelligence. But the counseling is still very good for him. He was so young when his dad left and his articulations so poor that it took a long time before he was ready to go. Though his dad has been gone from home for a number of years, he still has some issues with it. I could buy a house for the money I've spent on children's therapy. But it's been worth almost every penny.<p>Your employer may have an EAP which can help you find counseling. Or you might get information from schools.