I found out that my husband being solely on the deed, that he can have me evicted. I would have to pay a fortune to keep my self in the house to lawyers. The children would be established as residing in the house when the paperwork is filed. This would allow my H to have the children and kick me out. I had decided that perhaps I should move out with the kids (legitimate until papers are filed as long as stay in the county) before all the above happened.<p>I tried to do the "reasonable" thing and talk to them this morning about what he wanted out of a divorce. Well he wants the house, the furniture, the kids, everything. Although he did back down on the furniture when I mentioned equity in the house. He also agreed to my suggestion of a mediator - but I reminded him that it would only work if we agreed on things. He then said something to the effect of shared custody.<p>He does not get home until after six when all the daycares are closed, but seems to be confident that this is not a problem - he can make other arrangements. <p>He has been trying to date (again, since he never found anyone to go out with him this is not a problem that I should be upset about), and lives to play golf. But this is not a problem, I obviously don't understand him and his priorities. <p>I guess he give up golf for custody of his children while he would not give up golf for the health of his marriage and to spend time with his children before divorce?<p>I am freaking out because now he is saying let's go to a lawyer and find out what our options are. Which is what I suggested - doing mediation. However, once things are filed it is too late to move.<p>He will have all the power and he is a control freak. I am scared to death now. <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" />

He's probably full of it. Its doubtful that he'd really devote all his free time to taking care of kids. Most judges won't give total custody to one parent unless there is some sort of abuse - and that not being the case - he's blowing smoke. Get yourself your OWN lawyer and take it in your hands. The control will be back in your hands.

Go talk to a lawyer on your own and find out what you can and can not do and get... don't rely on one lawyer. He will find one that will benifit him istead of you... protect yourself and the kids. Lawyers will give you 30 mins to hear what you have to say for free. It sure helped me, now I know what can and can't be done. <p>I talked to 8 diffrent lawyers, finally found one that I felt good about and hired her. Don't be affraid to protect yourself.. Nothing about divorce is fair I don't care how you go about it.

I've talked to four lawyers already.<p>He CAN have me evicted.
He is abusive.
I won't leave my boys to be harrassed by him.
He wouldn't leave HIS house.
I feel I need to move.
He is already telling me that since I am codependent the boys would be better with him.
Somebody tried to refill an expired prescription for a controlled substance yesterday and I am freaking out thinking he is trying to set me up for having dependency issues.

Originally posted by Harlequin99:
I found out that my husband being solely on the deed, that he can have me evicted.<p>Who told you this, and does HE know it?<p>I had decided that perhaps I should move out with the kids (legitimate until papers are filed as long as stay in the county) before all the above happened.<p>It might not be a bad idea. My XH left with the kids and got a no-contact order so I could not go to where he was and see them. I had to get an ex parte temporary custody order to see them before Christmas and establish visitation prior to Friend of the Court mediation, or I would have been without them for weeks, over the holidays. If he's abusive, file the no-contact order when you move out. It will help you to have something documented.<p>Well he wants the house, the furniture, the kids, everything.<p>So did XH. We finally got it worked out to 50/50, but that's a typical intimidation move for a controlling person.<p>I think mediation will do wonders if he seems willing to cooperate. My XH was, until his mother found out we were splitting up. She then took over and called his shots. That's when it got ugly.<p>Get your own lawyer, a good one, with experience in domestic violence cases. The judge knows immediately when he sees my attorney in court before him that the STBX is an abuser. Unfair bias, maybe. But he could see right through my XH's BS and ordered him to terminate the personal protection order he had against me.<p>Be strong.

Well it took me so long to write my post since I kept getting interrupted by WORK (geez people! I'm MB'ing here!) that I didn't see your response before I posted.<p>A couple things I learned.<p>• Who will believe the abuse is all that bad if you live with him and don't leave him? If you called the police out to the house, but didn't file a report?<p>• Controlling abusers will say anything to intimidate you, and will do anything once they realize you are not afraid of them anymore. A no-contact order or personal protection order, whatever they call it in your area, is a good idea, not just for personal safety but from a legal standpoint. Very often we don't have any documentation of the abuse by the time we are finally ready to leave ... we just wish we had it.<p>Stay safe.

One more thing, if you've the time.<p>Click on 'Search' at the top, and enter member number 6497.<p>You'll find the first posts of mine from when I found Marriage Builders in 2000. I was where you are now. Wanting to leave, scared to death of his threats. He brainwashed me into believing that he would get custody and I'd have nothing. I had no contact with family and friends at that point. I had no job and nowhere to go.<p>I made a few mistakes, such as not getting a PPO and leaving with the kids before he did, and a rebound relationship, but overall his threats have dissolved into bad memories.

First, Take care of yourself and you'll take better care of your kids.
As PB said, they all threaten to take the kids and the house, but few file for custody. It's a power play.
Someone also told me that they (husbands) become better parents and want to see the kids more. This is because they're transferring the energy they had previously put into the marriage into building a relationship with their kids.
I didn't like this at first, but now realize it gave me alot of time to work on myself. It also gives H's a taste of what full or joint custody will be like, and maybe they won't ask for it.<p>See a lawyer now. Even if you do mediation, you'll need your own lawyer to review what has been mediated, to make sure it's fair.
Start reading and getting the support you need. For me, joining a divorce support group has been great, and the advice is amazing. Everyone's been at the same place at some time. I also saw an individual counselor who helped me work through things. Good luck.

Are you in a community property state? I am, and it's my understanding that the only thing exempt from the "pool" so to speak is inherited money, property or possessions that haven't been "comingled." Did your H inherit the house from someone? My house was purchased with money H inherited, and I'll be holding my breath when the time comes to find out if I'm SOL. You sound like a bundle of nerves. I would be too. It does sound like he's blowing some smoke though. My H blew a gasket recently and threatened to have me put in federal prison for stealing his gun (I removed the weapon from our home on the advice of a counselor). <sigh> He says I violated his constitutional rights. I probably did, and I don't care! His words are usually empty, and I figured his threats were no different. The smoke dissipated and it was like the words were never spoken afterwards. I used to quake in my boots when he'd pull his shenanigans. You probably have past experience with him in matters like this. Take a good look at how you've responded in the past and see what you might do differently now. It's nervewracking and difficult to disengage from irrational behavior. You have all my sympathy and support H99. Take care.

HH99,<p>I know what your going through..<p>Two things..<p>1. If there is domestic violence..contact the DV shelter, most of those can help you get relocated
and help you make an exit plan to get out..some of them also have a place where you can stay for a few days or weeks..they also take in children and offer free counseling for those in shelter..<p>2. If you can't afford a lawyer, they can give you a referal to legal aid..the costs are minimal mine was free because I hadn't worked in so long, and I'm working part-time and going to school..so if you can't afford the best atty..I found My atty especially under the circumstances was better than the one had hired before..the one I had hired didn't care about the DV issue, didn't even want to bring it up in court..so like I said, if you can't afford an atty..then contact legal aid..<p>Even if you can afford a good atty, go to the shelter, they may know of some really good lawyers who can help..

Gosh so many replies - thank you all.<p>PBC - he doesn't know that yet, but I am afraid that a devious lawyer would suggest it. My X did this to me - his father was the owner of "our" house.
One lawyer said that since it is verbal/emotional abuse and that he has never left marks (pushing shoving grabbing don't count) we would probably not have enough for an ro.
He also said that other stuff was immaterial - that he would "fold" like he always does when it comes to negotiations. He did this with his Xwife but they didn't have children.<p>Back from looking for houses. I am so spooked.