My Wife told me almost a month ago that she no longer needs me. That theres nothing that I give her that she cannot either do herself or do without. We have been married 11 years and have 2 Boys 3 & 6. I have been a wreck for a month.<p>She wont talk with our Pastor or with the Churchs counseler. She only agreed to talk to an outside family counseler. We have met with him twice and all he seems to be doing is helping prove her case against me. Yes, I have not been the Husband that She needed, and she's told me so in the past, but this time I have seen the light. She doesn't believe I have seen the light and frankly might not care.<p>I will continue to see this Counseler and do whatever I can to fix this marriage. If I tell my Sunday School class and ask for prayers she will stop going to Church.<p>So I am basically going through this myself. I and a couple of co-workers are the only ones praying to God to save my marriage. So if any of you has some extra room on your prayer list, please add me.<p>Thank you & God Bless!!!

I feel that you must respect her wish for privacy. To do otherwise would be a big LB. <p>Read this site, especially Plan A and the Emotional Needs portions. Do the best you can.<p>If you have been less than what she needs, then you must prove yourself with actions and that takes time. Just do what you know you should. I think it's encouraging that she is willing to go to counseling. Don't get a chip on your shoulder over what's said in counseling. Just Plan A the best you can.

I thought plan A was for Infidelity?

dodah,
Plan A is multi-functional. Yes it can help
a WS lean your way. Yes it can do wonders for you
as well. You can plan A friends,family and strangers. You plan A'd her when you were dating.
You plan A is mainly for YOU. Plan A changes you,
shapes your views and affects all of your personal
relationships in a positive and productive way.<p> Plan A (to me) is a new perspective. A new
way of living. After reading here I think everyone
on the planet could use some planAing. We'd all
get along better.

dodah,<p>Been there, done that, still doing it. <p>I am sorry you are hurting, wish I could help...you are not alone. <p>Thank God for prayer. <p>Don't give up! There are people here who can help you. Don't stop asking.<p>You and your family are in my prayers tonight.

Welcome dodah...<p>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It has a lot of quick links to many of the most important MB sites...
Click here ==> General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)<p>About your post...<p>Do start on a Plan A...
Check out the post Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.).<p>It's not just for situations of infidelity...
...it's a way of life!<p>However... do stop seeing this counselor...
...like many "feel-good" counselors, he is hurting your marriage, by planting seeds of more miscontent. Only go to a counselor that will work on you and your marriage!<p>I'm praying for you today!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim / NSR

Thank you all for answering for me! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Pretty much what I *would have said* would be the same as moving...Plan A does help in an affair but the same principles help us in the resolution of all our relationship problems. Usually an affair is not the problem, it's a symptom.<p>And definitely if you have problems with the counselor, find another. I have done it before. It's your money and your marriage--you need the best help you can find.

Well Monday night after just 2 counseling sessions she has stated that nothing I can do or say is gonna help. She wants to be alone. I called the couselor and he told me that for our visit this week to have her come alone. That he really wants to talk to her. He is also gonna put me on some medication - if not Im gonna burst open. I can't take this. I really don't know how people do this everyday. I don't blame God for wanting to destroy this world again. Can't wait.

Dodah:<p>So sorry for you unfortunate situation. That fact you will admit you fell short in meeting your W's needs is positive - now you can learn what to do to meet her needs. Dr. H's book, HNHN is excellent for educating yourself about the needs and males and females have. I have read over 50 books during my marital difficulties over the last 18 mos. Two of the best (other than Dr. H's) were by Michele Weiner-Davis. The two titles are "Divorce Busting" and "The Divorce Remedy." Ms. Weiner-Davis' website is www.divorcebusting.com<p>From much of the research I have done, I have learned that many spouses say something like "There's nothing you can do anymore" or "It's too late"......but much of the time this really isn't true. Many people feel that things will never improve and so they believe there is no other option than to divorce. If you educate yourself on how to meet your W's needs and just start doing it, maybe her opinion will change. Ms. Weiner-Davis' theory/approach is similar to Dr. H's Plan A - that if you work on yourself and change your own behavior that the other person will respond to your changes.<p>I hope you find this information helpful.<p>I will keep you and yours in my prayers. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]