This is the same W who was having problems with my H. I have an ex-boyfriend who wants me to go back with him. So I see him occasionally sometimes. I come home and settle down and I tell my H how nice my ex-boyfriend is. my boyfriend broke up with me by mistake. He sent letters telling how he still wishes I was still his girlfriend. <p>Well I tell my H that my ex-thinks that I am nice. He said,"Well I think you're nice too. And I think what I say counts." I told him, "He does not think I am stupid." He says, "You're not stupid, Angela." So I said that my ex thinks I am different category (different from most women). He says, "I think you are uniqure woman." Then when I talk about another man, he comes up to me and start touching me saying, "I still like and love you, Angela." But yet he claims that I am ashamed of him public, because he thinks that I am badmouthing him in front of strangers in public. He teaches and students make fun of hid hair sometimes, so he is so touchy that he feels like I am making fun of him too. So one day I brought up that day when he said "I can get you an apartment and I can move to California myself." (when we were arguing). I told him that I had a dream that he actually did that. He said, "That will never happen. I don't beleive I will do something that foolish. So I still felt upset about him saying that statement. Then I said, "If worse came to worst, and you do decide to leave me and go your own way, then I will stay in Kansas City and break off this marriage and start a new one with my ex-boyfriend." Then he turned around and said "Angela I did not mean that, and you know it. Wherever I move, you're going with me, Angela. You're my wife. I wouldn't have brought you on board and do something that foolish. I love you, Angela. I was just shooting off at the mouth when I said that, and I am sorry and I will not shoot off like that again."<p>But when my younger brother comes over my H's house to visit, he draws away from us when we want him to talk to us. One day we went to Old Country Buffet for my brother's B-day and my H only talked to me, but not my brother. So me and my brother were making cute little jokes, because we are naturally funny. So when we got into the car, I was driving. My H was in the front seat of the car and my brother was in the back. Me and my brother was making cute jokes again. My H is sitting up there in the car, reading a damn DOC SAVAGE and everytime we (me and my brother) laugh he always sighing and looking irritated. My brother came in the house for a minute and went in the living room. My H is complaining, saying "You guys were too loud and that's why I closed up like that." So I took my brother back home and my brother told me privately, "Your husband is anti-social isn't he? He act like I'm not even there." I wanted him to talk but he would not. I don't like him that much, Angela." <p>So I went back home and defended my brother and told my H, " My brother felt really stupid that you did not want to talk to us. That is the main purpose why I brought you, Ronald. He looked at me and said, "I'm sorry, I will try to talk more next time."<p>So can anyone tell me if it is Jealousy, Competition, or poessessiveness, or which is my H showing the most????<p>I need to know before I try to move and advance this marriage.

Angela,<p>I am glad you posted again, we were very worried about you. <p>Please answer a few questions for me: How old are you? How old is your husband? How long have you been married (if you told us, I forgot)?<p>I think you need to stop seeing the x-bf...cut off all communication. I know your problems are serious, just like the rest of us here, but this post makes it seem that you are playing a game to see who will 'win' you by being the highest bidder, ie the one who adores you most. <p>If you want to keep your marriage, it will take hard work and time...this is true of all marriages and would be the same with this h or any other man you marry.<p>We really do care about you. Answer the questions and let us see what we can do to help you sort this out. <p>Hugs.

I'm 23
He's 28<p>We have been married for 5 months now.
We have no children
I feel like he is seeing someone else behind my back because he has been "busy" lately. He does not be around me much either. So that is why I feel the way I feel.

"Busy" doing what?

He be doing applications for another teaching position and things like that.

It doesn't seem like he fits perfectly in to any of catagories mentioned. It sounds more like he feels inferior. Like maybe most of his actions are coming from within. I agree, expecially if this is true, you need to cut off contact and not mention what your ex thinks. How can that possibly help your relationship with H? My H goes through these episodes and wont be social, even with his family. It is very hard to deal with. He also sighs when he is getting iritated or thinks were are stupid. Also very hard to deal with. Hang inthere and keep seeking advice. If the problems are coming from within, you may not be able to do anything to help him, but you sure don't want to do things that might make the situation deteriorate. He probably needs to see a counselor and you 2 probably need to see one together also.

So he's actually 'busy' doing things to make your lives better? How does that equate with seeing someone else?<p>You are very young, sweetie, and I think you are making some 'rookie' mistakes. First, I know what Disney told us but one person cannot be our everything....your husband can't be your husband, lover, mother, father, sister, brother, friend, all rolled into one. He's your husband, lover, and friend, yes, but you can also both have other people in your lives to fill the other roles-brother, mother, etc. BUT you cannot be friends with an ex...that brings up all kinds of problems.
I think you should pretend that he was the first guy you ever dated, etc...not lie about it but just put in your mind that whatever went before didn't count. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and he came telling you about how his ex gf said he was wonderful, handsome, etc? I bet you'd be plenty steamed about it.<p>Second-it's okay if he wants quiet time. Some people (my husband included-and me, too, for that matter) are perfectly happy sometimes watching tv alone or reading in a quiet corner. Nothing wrong with that either. It sounds very much like you are jealous of his time. <p>Have you stopped to think how he felt when you easily said Then I said, "If worse came to worst, and you do decide to leave me and go your own way, then I will stay in Kansas City and break off this marriage and start a new one with my ex-boyfriend."? That tells him that he really doesn't matter and you have "Plan B" ( or maybe even Plan A) already waiting. I would be very upset if my husband told me this.<p>As for your brother, he must learn to accept your husband the way he is. Your h married you, not your family and it's only your opinion that really, really matters. You should never, never, never take sides with an 'outsider' against your husband. That's treason. Don't you think it would have gone over much better if you had said 'honey, you sure were quiet today. Was something on your mind? Brother really missed talking to you." Instead of 'what's your problem, you make my brother feel unwelcome' or whatever was said. So much of our 'communication problems' come not from lack of communication but the way things are said. <p>All rookie mistakes and I know about them because I've made them all. Will you think abou what I've said and see if there's any merit to it?