I've posted here before under a different name, but, it's been a long time sinse I've been back here. I was living with some family for a while during my seperation until I found a place to live on my own with my 19 month old son. Now I am able to use my own computer at my own leisure which has been quite nice.

My H has been involved in affair for almost 2 years now. I was 7 months pregnant with our only child when he desided he was quite miserable and threw himself at someone else stating he was single. He deceived her for some time and then "confessed". However, the OW didn't really care much that he was married and has been insistant that they can "make it work" (per my stbxh). I found out about it all 8 months after it began. Suspected much earlier from very high cell phone bills and emails etc. <p> We tried to mend things somewhat but he refused to give her up inspite of meetings with our elders and ministers from church. I then kicked him out. He moved in with OW and has ben living with her sinse.

He states he wants to move out but can't afford it sinse he is not really working, because he likes being a sponge(my interpretation). Its much easier to let someone else work while you enjoy their home with all the furnishings, high speed internet, an attorneys salary etc... and having the OW keep throwing herself at him to make sure it works.<p> My son visits during the days only sinse I wont't let him have overnights while he is shacking up. My attorney agrees as well as the judge. My H is manipulative and mean at time to me so I set boundries so he cannot affect too much emotionally. My counselor and "our" counselor we had sinse our 5 year marriage had told me to get out of the marriage asap due to his borderline personality and some physical danger I was in a year ago with his rage. I've been trying to speed things up and he has slowed them down by changing attorneys once we had everything settled: Finance, custody, etc. <p> He called me a few nights ago saying I was the best thing God had ever given him and he was so sorry that he hurt me. He says he has been longing to get back together again. ONLY 1 problem... I no longer want him. His talk is cheep and he has shown no changes except that he has realized what he has lost, but is too comfy with MS. OW so he wont make a true move to do the right thing.<p> I'm tired of hurting and am beginning to heal emotionally. Learning to be a single mom and living life again, slowly regaining what I lost. I don't want to go back to him. To me he is ugly(not physically). He disguised himself as a christian when we were married and now is more the true self, but, has left a lot of damage in the wake.<p> My hardest thing is dealing with seeing this OW as my H picks up my son for the day. She slithers around the corner watching the "transaction" and then they meet up again with my son. It makes me sick. I have to hand my son over to something I consider evil and distainful. Yet, I am a christian and I believe God will protect my son, but it is so gut wrenching to me. Why do I have to give MY son up for some selfish human being(I'm being kind, I would like to throw in a few other words) who has no right to him. I want my son around me all the time. HE IS MINE. NOT HERS!!! I hate her for what she has taken from me. I hate was my H has done and is doing. Why does the law even allow the destroyer of the family have any rights at all??? Why can't the ones left holding the damage be the ones to call the shots first and let the adulter take last pick. <p> I'm trying to be a christian in all this, but, I cant seem to contain the anger I feel at these people and wonder if I will ever get over this. Is it wrong to pray the OW out of my sons life? I don't want her to be any where near him. I pray that God will remove her and out of my stbxh life as well as my sons. <p> Oh well, I cannot control what they do. Only myself. I'm just tired of this pain and hurt.
I want to move on and be free from all this garbage. Life is too short!!!

Your H sounds just like mine. My H just seems so cold-hearted towards me as though it is all of my fault. I know deep down he loves me, but he won't say it. He was accept any responsibility to what has happened. He won't talk about anything. He runs, runs from himself. I know inside he is so scared. We have tried many times to work things out only for everything to fall apart again. My H has moved out from OW and is living with his parents as your H is also. Stories are similiar. He refuses to completely end things with OW. Keeping her on hold (me on hold also) until he figures himself out again. I think this will take a long time since he refuses to talk or acknowledge anything.<p>I have done everything possible that I can think of to fix things. I even made the mistake of involving OM. (only made things worse) I love my husband and want my marriage so badly, but first and foremost, I want my H saved! I feel that he is so lost whether he has been a Christian before or not. He is so lost and scared! God has told me time and time again to let go!!!! Just let go! I must stop taking control and trying to change my H. Only God can do that! Only God! God is in total control. All I can do is pray. Step back (protect myself) and pray! God will do the work, he will make any necessary changes in order for my H to turn around! I just have the hardest time letting go, but try everyday! I don't really have answers for you. Only to give it to God. Pray, study the world, go to church. See what God's word has to say, see what God tells you! Only do what he tells you to do, not what you tell yourself to do. Again, that has been my problem-trying to fix things myself! I must stop doing that! <p>I know that God is faithful if we seek Him! Also, somehow, you must forgive your H and also OW. No, they don't deserve it, but to forgive releases you from the bondage of it all and it release them in order for God to do his work! I just follow God. He is my only safe place from my broken heart, from the horrible pain I have been going thru for 3 years. He will not let you down. He knows what's best, and sometimes hurt is necessary. I don't know why, but there must be something God is trying to tell us or teach us. Rely on HIM! Trust HIM! He will give you answers, HE will get you thru!<p>My prayers are with you! God bless!!!!

Are sure that we aren't all married to the same man?????????<p>God must have led both of you to post right now and for me to read it because my story is essentially the same as both of yours - really like just_me's story. <p>My XH left me 2 months pregnant with child #4. He blames me for not making him happy, when in reality he cannot make himself happy. He lives with his parents and with the OW - still in fantasy land - they have no responsibilities, no house to take care of - all of their things are are their old homes - no reality to speak of - they just take the kids swimming, to the movies, horseback riding etc. - nothing like real life at all. <p>And I know that one day reality will set in since they will have 6 kids between the two of them and since XH hasn't changed any of his enduring personallity traits, OW will probably get sick of him too - she thinks he is generous with his money - just wait - he's more controlling over it than he'll let on. This will only end up hurting her kids and our kids. He's so selfish.<p>Anyway, thanks to both of you for sounding so strong even if you really don't feel like it all the time. It's a godd example for the rest of us - or at least for me. <p>I need to keep telling myself. Trust God. Trust God. Thanks. K