For those who aren't familiar with my story.....STBX left March 2001, was not happy in marriage, refused to even try. After he left, I found evidence of at least 6 EA's over the previous 3 years as he traveled a lot and we were "recoverying" from an affair that he had 5 years earlier (or so thought).<p>So long story short he recontacted the first Affairee and restablished a relationship with her. She lives overseas. <p>Fast forward 8 months. The affair has ended but the fog is still thick as pea soup. During a discussion about property settlement for D we got sidetracked onto his unilateral desicion to end the marriage. He still maintains that he did not leave me because of any other woman, he was simply unhappy. He could hardly wait to get out of the house before he called little miss norway and also had another one of his girls fly in to visit one month after moving out. <p>So he still really denies any affairs and lives in his own world. So I asked how much happier is he now and he did say that he guessed all he really did was trade one set of problems for another. <p>But I have healed and moved on. I've been down a bit this weekend as I've taken divorce proceedings into my own hands. Every conversation with him is tense and stresses me out, but somebody's gotta do it. He won't move forward with D because he does not want to be legally responsible to me financially. His own words when I asked why he never went further than filing. Can't believe I ever was in love with this man.

Your STBXH still sounds just like my XH. Even down to the not wanting to take care of me financially part - make sure he takes care of you financially!<p>You would think that one day the WS would figure out that the source of their unhappiness comes from within and that they are unhappy for the most part because of problems with themselves. But I guess they have to sink to the bottom before they can rise to the top. And what happens is that we've learned alot faster about what went wrong and how to fix ourselves, so we've fixed ourselves and find ourselves so far beyond WS that WS would have to do an extreme amount of personal growth to come close to the people we are now. <p>It's sad that their unhappiness is causing us so much pain, but until they get themselves together they'll continue down the wrong path, and all we can do is say c'est la vie and accept and move on. <p>It sounds like you are keeping a somewhat level head through all of this. May God give you His strength during this time. K

Sorry to hear. You helped me alot last year. But you sound like you are doing okay! As for me, the rollercoaster has broken loose and is tumbling to the depths of the earth! I thought it was over for him & OW. But since he was home, nothing changed. He fell back into last years behavior somewhat, did not do anything with me, sleeping on floor, barely speaks to me. Initiated intimacy from guilt, and after said he made a mistake for doing it & was sorry - that he didnt want to "get my hopes up" or "give me the wrong idea". Found his truck at Ow's place again & he insists it was all innocent. Baloney!! I hurt SO MUCH. <p>Just when you think things are on an even keel. I am sorry to hear your "recovery" has taken a downward turn. But I get the feeling you are able to look out for YOU and can let him go make his own mistakes. Hang in there.<p>PS. Dana B used to post under some other name last year, but I see where she is getting remarried to someone new now! I guess there's hope for happiness yet!

Thanks cantletgo.<p>I posted a reply to you on EN.<p>You will be okay!!! You can be on your own!!!
The kids and I do great.<p>Did you get that dog yet? I got one last summer. He is an Airdale Terrier mix. They told me he was a smooth coat full blood airdale but me thinks not. But I don't care. He is a great dog. Very smart and cute, listens well, is a great companion and loves the kids! SIGH, now if I could just find a mate with all those same qualities [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] . I am seeing someone that comes pretty close though, too soon to tell [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take Care

Hmm? What kind of dog to get? I had thought about it again, getting a dog if H moves out & files again. Except I am gone all day & am afraid the dog would dig a hole under the fence & get out, if I left it in the backyard all day. But I love dogs. I also love cats. Used to have both yrs ago. Maybe I could get a cat. they can use a litter box.<p>My friends are a little upset. They said I was doing so well before christmas, after he filed & left the first time. I was getting used to things & looking better after losing 30 pounds (infidelity diet). I got out of the old hell hole job I was in (actually they fired me after I had already turned in my resignation! I called OW a whore in her office my last day!). Anyway, I love my new job & it is great. A huge change from the old one. But now all this latest crap has dragged me down & put me in an emotional tailspin again. I'm fighting it. I guess I'm afraid that H will want to come back & I wont be able to say no, & he won't have changed or sought help for himself when he does. I guess I,m jumping the gun there. It is so hard to let go of the only thing you have known for 15 years. I know some can say to heck with you dude, I'm outta here; but I have not been able to do that. How can I possible doubt all I have seen for myself & heard from people close to sources! AARGH.<p>For dogs, I like german shepherd or australian sheepdog. But I would go to the pound, cry my eyes out and bring home any sweet dog that needed a home. <p>Gotta go. Here's to keeping my sanity [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Hey Hopeless!!!<p>I saw your post on GQ and I thought I'd pop over here and look for an update from you!<p>Glad to see that you are in a much better place than you were a year ago. <p>It sounds like you have learned the same lesson that I had to learn - that I could and would be OK and happy regardless of what my husband was doing or wasn't doing.<p>Glad you are going to make sure that your H honors his legal obligations. What a bunch of selfish crap coming out of his mouth!<p>I'm glad to hear how you are doing!<p>((((((hugs))))))