Im mad at STBX, h picked up our 13 yr old son, I went to church, son came home so upset because his loving dad put him at the computer & pulled up all my messages to marriage builders. The last one was about son not wanting his dad at his awards dinner at school. Son said dad scared him, kept crying saying is it because of her(mom) that you didnt want me to attend. Then h went on to tell son that he didnt want to leave I threw him out, sorry but thats not true I gave him a second chance to leave MOW alone. our son knows the truth, my son wants me to stop writing to marriage builders so dad doesnt know whats going on with our new life we have together. I promised him I would not write anymore after this last message, but do plan to read about others, this site has really helped me. I just wish that STBX would take the time to read and try to understand about his problem, I have no problems with begin 48, love begin a mother and loved begin a wife. I hope he gets on with his life with 29 yr old married girlfriend & wish them the best. But please dont make our 13 yr old a mental case before its over. You are 42 yrs old & should know right from wrong by now.

To use your posts against you, is a clear sign of PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome.)<p>Please document the date and time this occured, and if necessary, use it in the dv-procedings. Protect the child!<p>As far as posting...
...continue to do so...
...especially if it on a Plan A implementation.<p>If you are in Plan B, a hard concept for adults, much harder for children; consider a new name and keeping the posts anonymous. You could/should continue to get the support of other here... no matter what.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR

Be honest with your son, let him know that it's okay for you to post here, and if dad gets upset that you post here then maybe he could post HIS side of the story..<p>This is an excellent opportunity to teach your son about choices and responsibilities for his actions
and how anytime he makes a choice about things in life be they good or bad..there are always consequences..good or bad..and if your ex is reading YOUR posts..then he's probably also reading the replies..so he's feeling even more guilt which will bring out MORE anger..directed at
YOU..because like I said..He doesn't want to admit what HE DID..He doesn't want to face his own mistakes..he doesn't want to take responsiblity for HIS actions..look at Adam and Eve, they played the Blame game too..and know that Your Husband is doing the same thing..

TR,
The only thing I don't agree with you on is that I don't think the h is feeling any guilt or he wouldn't be trying to screw up his kid. He is obviously self-centered, selfish and self-absorbed.<p>If he had any conscience, then he would be too ashamed of his actions to drag the son into this.

Guilt makes you do stupid things..especially when you don't acknowledge it as Guilt..it usually shows itself in the form of 'other-contempt" when you don't like taking responsibility for your own actions..you blame everyone else..but it's fed by your own guilt and shame..when you don't acknowledge it, you lash out at everyone else blaming them for how you feel inside..miserable..<p>it can't be MY FAULT I feel this bad!!! I wouldn't do this to myself..I wouldn't let myself get this bad off..so it must be YOUR FAULT!!! You did this to me..Your mom kicked me out..so I am broke..Your mom made me have an affair..your mom made me do this, You drove me to drink..it's your fault I drink, if you wouldn't do this then I wouldn't drink ..always blaming--guilt..shame..but never taking responsibility..same types of responses from a drunk..they feel bad..so they drink..but it can't be their fault they feel bad..so they have to blame someone else..they feel guilty about wasting money on booze..but it's NOT there fault they wasted the money on booze..it's always someone elses..it's the same thing..<p>My ex does the same thing to my kids..and it's a control issue..they want to control you by hurting the kids..you can't post here because he will hurt your son if you do..he's trying to isolate YOU from YOUR support group..and they don't care who they hurt in the process..kids or not<p>[ May 28, 2002: Message edited by: ThornedRose ]</p>