Hi all,<p>Been running around crazily for the past few months, not much energy to sit and write at the 'puter. Would read posts and thought of you all.<p>I have 4 days to the divorce trial. It is going to be interesting to say the least. In November, I was given exclusive use of the house and a 100 yard restraining (stay-away) order, but STBX's attorney decided to leave out the part about the stay away when he wrote the orders. STBX has continued to come to the house, harass us every chance he could, and in general be the pain in the rear he is. <p>Child Protective Services dropped the abuse charges because they felt it was about custody, not about abuse, so now we are finishing divorce and then reopening criminal reports. We finally have a counselor that is standing up for my kids! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I have finally learned that divorce and criminal courts are two very different things... took a while, but at least I finally know I need to get the divorce over so that the other can be done, not constantly hurting because I felt the system kept dropping us.<p>I have been attacked on every front that STBX and his attorney could do, and although I am at the end of everything (money, emotions, strength, and faith), I still am standing. I've fought for my kids, my house, my business... currently have sole custody of the kids, my house is in escrow for me to buy him out, and my business is doing OK and has the potential to grow as soon as I can focus again. It's been a LONG 2 years (nearly) and I can't wait for it to be over.<p>The judge could throw a big wringer in everything and so I do have some fear of the unknown going on. As we have proof of perjury and causing me to go into more expense (corporate attorneys and forensic accountants, depositions for things they already had, etc) against STBX, I am hoping that he will have to pay for some of my attorney fees. I have a loan going for the house, but they have tried to cause problems with that, too. I am hoping the judge will continue to let my loan go through and not kick the girls and I out of our house.<p>So, I am scared. It has been a grueling time these past few years, and there has been many things that fell through the cracks. I think I am going to be OK, but then the fear sets in again. I want to thank you for posting the Litany Against Fear..
I printed it out and will carry it with me over the 4 days!<p>I feel myself shutting down; it looks like I broke my nose where the dark circles are on the inner part of my eyes. I want to hibernate... just shut down and not have to think, feel, deal with one more problem. Anyone have any ideas on if the relief of being "done" is an immediate one, or does it take a few days to sink in? It will be nice to have a life where I know that everything I do isn't going to picked apart by STBX's attorney.
I, at one point, didn't even go get a lump checked out because I didn't want him using that against me in court. I eventually did get checked and it was OK. <probably stress induced, go figure> I've been all over the board with my "self"; I got to where I was strong and handling almost everything in an offhand manner, but this past month has been bad again. Him showing up on the doorstep and laughing at the cops when they came took away my safety net, I spiraled back into the abyss of abuse that I spent the past 10 years in. I'm trying to crawl back out of that now, but I'm just so tired.<p>I imagine I will be back on this board a litle more often. I need to make the time and heal again. <p>Lori

Lori,<p>I just logged on this morning after a couple days away, and I seen your post...I am so sorry for what you are going through, I know it's been a long road..of nothing but thicket and under brush..like you've felt as if once you hit one clearing in the road you hit another larger patch of under brush that needed to be cleared out..and it has been frustrating to say the least..<p>Just know that your not alone on your walk..there are many of us here who have walked close to the same road..but you've had to work on your own path
to make it..were all here to encourage and support
you..do me a favor..draw a hot bath and rest..let
your weary bones rest..at least for a day..your almost done..and the relief will feel as if a large weight has been lifted off your shoulders..
allow yourself to let some of it slip off for now..I know it's difficult because the burden has been there for awhile..but allow some of it to slide off..<p>Make a list of things LORI can control..and a list of things LORI can't control..and only work on those things LORI has control over..the others..
make a little box that says..For God to handle on it..and place the list of things LORI has NO CONTROL over into that box..and leave it there..
don't take it back out to look at it..just place it in the box and leave it there..if you take it back out..you'll start to worry about those things again..and you still won't have any control over them..so just write them down and place them in the box..and anytime you find yourself faced with a problem ask yourself.."can I 'control' the outcome of this?" if not..place it in God's box..<p>1. Can Lori control the judges decision? NO--
God's Box<p>2. Can Lori control stbx's actions?? No..God's box<p>3. Can Lori control Lori getting some rest?? Yes
Lori's box<p>4. Can Lori control financial burdens alone? NO
God's box..<p>5. Can Lori control stbx's lawyer? NO, God's box..<p>6. Can Lori protect herself from further abuse?
yes, Lori's box (call a domestic abuse shelter and get into a support group)<p>There is a beginning list..I don't know all of your burdens..but like I said..make a list..and place them in the respective boxes..and leave God's box alone..your not God, you can not take on the Burdens He carries for you..<p>I know your faith is weak right now..so make another list..of all you have been through that you have had NO control of the outcome that have been taken care of..and look over that list thats been God's list of things to take care of thus far..so write them down..and look over those..and see what He's done so far..so to lift your faith that He will continue to take care of those problems just as He has done so far..<p>1. Lori sole custody of kids thus far-- God's probelm-- God answered..Yes<p>2. Restrianing Order--God's problem..(Lori filed--
(her problem, Judge approved--God's problem)<p>3. Lori and kids staying in house till now---
God's problem--God answered..Yes..<p>4. Counselor for kids- Lori asked around- God Provided..God's answer--Yes..God's problem..<p>another short list of things Lori had and didn't have control over..God answered those..He will continue to care for you..just as He has thus far..<p>
read John chapter's 14, and 15..and ask For God to
send His Comforter that He has promised..ask for the peace beyond all understanding..and I will also be praying for you...<p>Take heart..and allow yourself to rest..take a day and relax pamper yourself..and your kids..take them in your arms and hug them often..and tell them you love them..sit down on the floor and play with them..

Thanks {{{TR}}}.<p>Sometimes it helps to have something written down to follow, and you always make such good sense of it all! Don't think I'll get any rest before the trial, but plan on taking some well deserved time off afterwards!<p>2 more days... and yes, I am counting! I'm feeling a little better now, the Litany Against Fear helped a lot, and the couple of faith posts, where sometimes one just has to have the faith to let go. I have attorney meeting this morning, younger D has to see STBX this afternoon, have a contractor's meeting this eve, and in the midst of that, I need to repair a computer so that I can write up some job bids, retake samples that failed at a water district, and repair a valve for a new customer. Who has time to rest? I am at least more focused, and that helps.<p>Thank you again for your help; it always is just what I need at the time. God has been watching out for me and has taken care of me through this, I guess He isn't just going to drop the ball at the last minute, so I will be able to walk into the court room and feel that my faith is intact again.<p>Lori [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

re: immediate relief<p>There was some... it was nice to be "done", but it certainly didn't end XH's attempts at control and manipulation, we were "done" in September and he's still stalling on the money judgement, and some parenting time issues here and there.<p>Any chance of reinstating that restraining order?

Contractor meetings, job bids..ack..doesn't sound like much fun..LOL..<p>Now, while d is w/ her dad and before the contractors meeting..take a hot bath..(if there is time in between) if you don't need the bid before the meeting..take the bath before you start that..
light some candles..and relax..<p>when is the bid due? if it's not due within the next 24 hours then it can wait till tomorrow..I know there are bid schedules and all, which is why I said, if it's not due in the next 24 hours..then take some LORI time..you'll be able to think more clearly and come up with a better bid..make sure you have all your prices in order, and no last minute adendums and changes on the blueprints..
you can do these things better if your relaxed and who knows..maybe while your relaxing you can come up w/ the figures in your head while your not so stressed..and get the job [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>and if the bids are due in the morning..after your bath and you've worked them up..you can always fax them into tonite before the morning deadline and while the fax machines aren't overloaded w/ faxes
and the lines are busy [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Yes, btdt..