ok, here it is. i pushed my wife into a corner. she came out swinging, and rightly so. she has every reason to be upset and angry with me. after all, all i want is for the two of us to move forward in our relationship. i want to rekindle what's lost by following some simple guidelines i've found here on the site. the Basic Concepts. She is far into withdrawal right now, that all she wants is to be on her own. we have two small children, one of whom is saying things to the both of us. they would both be devastated if we split. it breaks my heart when my daughter tells me we are not allowed to split up. it also breaks my break when my wife tells hor to stop it. i was guilty of neglect. i went and did my own thing, not really taking into account what was going on at home. i didn't know any better. i always thought everything was going ok. last january she told me she wanted out. phoned me two hours later saying she didn't. we've been up and down every since. so many negatives, but also a ton of positives. she is in denial and withdrawal about all the positives. says it was only to keep the peace. you can't fake happiness. i don't care what anyone says. i mean true happiness. now, she says she wants me out. i've told her that if she wants out, she leaves and the kids stay with me. after all, i am the one who wants to keep the family together. who seems to be right or wrong? and the other thing, nobody has left. she has gotten such a bloody wall up around her. i'm trying to break it down, but i'm getting worn out. she hated the pain i caused her, so why continue to hurt me? by the way, two weeks ago, after a small spat, she told me all she wants is to love me again and for everything to be ok between us.

Hi based on the quotes below you have an extreme chance of restoral. Those words below are "powerful" I'd run like a mad man and humble myself and examine whats wrong with you and quit trying to fix her. What a chance you have!! Get the material you need to work on you and your marriage, get some counseling, it can work based on what you said, you need to impress her like you did when you first dated her with all those lovey dovey things and meet her EN's.<p>
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last january she told me she wanted out. phoned me two hours later saying she didn't. <p>she has gotten such a bloody wall up around her. i'm trying to break it down, but i'm getting worn out. she hated the pain i caused her, so why continue to hurt me? by the way, two weeks ago, after a small spat, she told me all she wants is to love me again and for everything to be ok between us.

it is difficult as hell when she's acting the way she is. i could go on and on about everything she's said, but all i get is she was confused. now her mother is involved. YAY!!! they don't like me anyway. 15 damn years together, and they've never accepting. how hurtful to a relationship is that? i am really at my wit's end. i want to tell her to s@#$ or get off the pot. i'm getting to the point that being lovey dovey right now is bringing up ager and hurt.

I honestly understand your frustration been there....But since many us here are dealing with betrayal, its like this " I wish my wife said I love you and want things to work" and man if she was still in same house what a blessing.....This what I would as painful as it is:<p>**Listen to what your wife is saying to and about you, its painful but those are the bricks of tearing down the wall you said she has with you, hummm...She's telling you how to tear it down...you don't have to guess, this makes you a better person in the long run...What more could you ask for than somebody that loves you to be open and honest with you and tell you about yourself, then you act on it and become that better person. <p>As far as the mother I wouldn't worry, once you meet your wifes needs and begin to get her to sing your praises and braggs about you, she'll turn on her mother because she won't let anyone bad mouth her wonderful husband. Try it...

0k, i understand what you are saying. but do you want to know what? i don't know if i can be the big man anymore. i cried last night. last summer, she was telling her mother she was happier. it made no difference to her. she still does not like me, and never will. i have done things to improve things, and yet she goes back into withdrawal. she does not even want me being on here because she feels the advice is bad. most of the advice is about her having an affair. a lot of people on here think she is. i am beyond frustrated now. she is disrupting the lives of me, her, the kids and just everyone else because of selfish demands.

OK, she might be having an affair...remember affairs are moving backwards in life not forward...When you work on you, you're moving forward, don't stay where they are, when affairs occur they are confused and decieved...When you work on you you feel better about yourself, its not about pleasing them its about pleasing you they tell you about you and "Ouch", but when you change it scares them because you become attractive again and they now stuck with, I need this over H, but I want this over there OM....<p>I don't know your full story and history but as long as your wife is still in the house you have a greater chance than most...<p>If you think an affair is going on, make sure you get the facts, clear up any false accusations if there are any against her....I know people can lie, my xw did, but she was far less willing to work it out than your wife.<p>I'm not saying this is all your fault [no way]...but I'd work on me for the sake of 15 years of marriage, you probably lost your identity trying please everyone, you have to work on you despite things are crazy right now, you'll be happy and she'll be happy about you....<p>Affairs are just a band-aid on gusher wound.....its a credit card waiting to be maxed out, spend now, pay later, high payments [your life]....you never pay it off ,never own the goods either [OP]...they still belong to H or W<p>My wife hated also me talking to other people, she went into withdrawl and still is in withdrawl with OM....My wife saw the changes in me, it made her mad because she was determined, I wont talk to him, he'll never change, well by this time she was into affairs, she was like why did I do this, he's just who I wanted all along, but the affairs became an addiction...it was too late, I think she's mentally impaired by them right now, too much torment of guilt.....

the thing is, she has seen the changes. hell, you should have seen hr responses on the EN questionarre. i don't think i could have asked for happier. the biggest drawback was the fact the affection felt forced. she wanted it to natural again. she said the weight of daily activities(cooking and cleaning) was getting much better. she wanted me to initiate sex more, found me physically attractive. liked it when we worked together because we don't fight or argue about things. this was janruary. two weeks ago, just wants to love me she used to. now, wants me gone, becoming physically and emotionally distant(unless you count saturday night, we had sex twice. she was drunk, and i did not, i repeat DID NOT take advantage of her. she told me she was hoping all day she would get some). so, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED NOW????????????

Man all these are good things, I applaud you....<p>quote:
the biggest drawback was the fact the affection felt forced. she wanted it to natural again. <p>quote:
she wanted me to initiate sex more, found me physically attractive. liked it when we worked together because we don't fight or argue about things. this was janruary. two weeks ago, just wants to love me she used to. now, wants me gone,<p>
If you look at this she wants more "affection" Sex will follow, read this site on affection<p>Ok she is in fantasy land a little and a little conflicting emotions...I dont know what state you live in...but I'd get out of the environment, take a small romantic trip getaway, stay in hotel and get her out of the kitchen and fulfil her romantic fantasy need, if you don't somebody else will..she find you attractive and wants sex "Great"!!.....make sure she's not borded with walls of the same ol, same ol stuff, get creative and adventureous.....<p>Start setting yourself up that if she wants you gone this is what you'll miss..become more fun to be around

right now she does find me attractive. in fact, all weeken, i have been touching her here and there. i gave her a massage yesterday(she let me). I've been touching her shoulders when i walk by, i've been playing with her hair(she loves that). this morning she told me she hates it when i touch her. i kinda said when the love is gone, it is not gone forever. she said she doesn't feel it. i told her your not going to feel it by driving a wedge between us. you have to work on it. after all, it is not easier to fall back in love with someone than to go out, try to find somebody you really have nothing in common with, and start over?

Ok, read this site for plan A.....you still have a great chance, all marriages go through I don't feel it at some point, but you can't always go by feelings, thats an immature level of love...<p>I recently read a book, "venus, mars dating"...Wife's miss the dating thing, they're screaming impress me , impress me....sweep me off my feet....<p>When in counseling, my wife said one of the things that discouraged her was I stopped doing the things that won her heart and stopped dating her, but they were still there with me I just didn't do them, thats when I woke of from the norm...same ol, same ol

i hear ya. but you see, last summer, we did everything together and as a family. we went to the beach, to the drive-in, out for ice cream, tothe park, walks with the dog. we were moning along great. then she had a friend move back and was calling her to go out. we slowly stopped doing all those things and my wife went out with this friend. her friend even suggested taking a week long vacation to florida(we live in Canada). now, i never said she couldn't go, but my wife and i have never been anywhere since we got married. had kids right away, surgery, not always financially happy. so my wife starts with this is not her life anymore, she can't be who she is, she has good time with her friends. it seemed to me that this friend ended uip replacing me as the recreational companion. and since this friend came back, we have fought more than ever. strange coincidence, isn't it?

Is this a Male or Female friend??

it's a female with no morals. She practised polyamory,(husband and boyfriend with consent???), she has put me down, said things like "i don't know why you haven't left that man yet", shares a house with her EX and has a boyfriend over. she is pretty screwed up. when she came back it started everything. the purpose of the trip to florida was to see the boyfriend while her husband stays here with the kids.

well, here it is. my wife had a breakdown of sorts. our daughter is in the hospital with asthma, partially stress related, we are having money problems, and the counsellor at the hospital said i am in denial about our relationship being over.!?!?!?!?! yep, that's for sure. we both have so much stress right now, i am truly sorry about causing my wife to have a break down of sorts. i know it was not entirely my fault, it was everything. i left yesterday. don't know why, got no where to go, just a big empty feeling. i guess she stayed at her parents last night. good move, they've never liked me. i'm honest to god sure that won't help our situation. i really need help.

Hi S, sorry to see you go through this ordeal, D in hospital hope all is ok with her. Wife has breakdown, thats rough....I know the hospital counsellor said you're in denial its over, but did this come from a 1 sided outside observation or professional sitdown lets talk to both of you thing?...<p>I know this is not all your fault, but we do have to be accountable for our actions and thats why we always say "work on you", you feel better, and they feel better..<p>The hardest thing when we get this way is: we try to make someone love us, when in fact we have to focus on causing someone to love us. This is hard when they were passionate about us before, but what caused the passion in the first place.<p>In counseling at one point W my said" I don't want you' Its over, I have no feelings for you, etc....I took those things she in counseling serious and worked on me, not for the sake of getting her back, but I had some issues myself. Then 3 months later after counseling was over she said she was thinking about putting marriage back together and she knew how and had the answers.<p>Getting help, don't mean you're weak, it means you're smart...My male pride got in the way at first of " I don't need another man to tell how me how to run my marriage" well problem was by this point I did'nt have one....<p>Just step back look whats happening around you your family needs you from a different approach, despite its not all your fault, [Could no money be a major core factor in all of this?] it was in my marriage....Take Care

this counsellor was supposed totalk to both of us. instead, she spoke to us for a short while, spoke to my wife(with mother-in-law present) and that was it. she didn't talk to me at all. she told her i was in denial. i think we can work this out. i just hope she sees that.