I ran into my exH yesterday at the car wash and I just couldn't not say anything seeing I found out one week ago that he moved the OW into my "dream" house. I hadn't seen him in about six weeks. So I said to him that I hoped the two of them were happy now that she was living in my house. Asked him how he could do this seeing all of the time he said she would never live there she had her own place etc etc. Well he just looked at me and didn't have anything to say. It was like he has no remorse for any of the pain the two of them have caused me. Here she is gloating at the fact she lives in my house and has my exH. Do they not see what pain they have caused to get to this point and is she really happy with my seconds so to speak. He could barely look at me straight in the eyes like he was embarassed by the situation. Did he not think I would find out and be upset. Then he asked about our cats and how they were doing and that he wanted to visit them. HELLO......does he think I plan on telling him where I am living. Like he really cares about the cats. He said he didn't know how to get a hold of me. My number is unlisted and I said well you had my cellphone number and he said he wasn't sure if he still had it. Was he waiting for me to give it to him or tell him where I live. Is it bothering him that he doesn't know. All these questions and I still have NO answers. He looks like the man I married but the person inside is a stranger to me. I even asked him if he loved the OW and he couldn't even answer. Then why the heck move her in? sorry for the rant and long post I am just beside myself right now.

He's having fun playing house right now, he's only created a sandcastle, he's very guilty right now and the relationship will fall apart in the future, a deceptive start of a relationship by the way of Adultery will always fall apart in time...He has no peace about it..<p>I recently spoke to my close cousin who became a WS [male], that now straitened up. He told me he regrets what he did to his now ex-w and he lost 2 new houses, cars, etc [no kids].. over what he thought was happiness of an affair..He said he's been crying now almost daily for 3 years over the mess he created...<p>He said he looks back now and said he wished he would have never filed for DV, counseled over the problems, been more patient, he said he jumpped to soon....I asked him why did he do it all....[answer] He said he was highly was in need of something from his wife and his wife couldn't provide it so he ventured out to seek a woman that could then "boom" the Affair, but he said all along it was the Lord he needed, he said it had not much to do with his W, yes she did need some improvements, he said she just wasn't their for me in my time of need [she travelled often]...He said now he prays and reads the bible everyday..<p>When he first heard of what my WW did to me he ran to my rescue, was the first to talk to me.....He said no matter what none of the affairs won't last, she'll be tormented daily and even after its all over...He told me he had to deal with his internal demons and get set free afterwards....He was the one who said ride the storm and told me to let my male ego pride go through it because it has nothing to do with me its all about her....He said its painful for OM to come and invade your marriage, he said he did an invasion and its not fun........He told me to not file for DV and overturn every stone, maxiumize all options and don't move out stay in the house you have a better chance to restore things...<p>Well I did what he said however WW had her own will and mind made up whats she would pursue but I did what I was suppose to and have no guilt or regrets because I tried my hardest to make it work and once again she has something inside she has to deal with...<p>I had another friend he was a WS at one time, he married the OW and they were married for 3 years but said he was a daily living hell. He said he was tormented with images of his X wife everyday, he said everywhere he looked he saw her face, he go to bathroom she was there, Mcdonalds she was there, take a bath she was there, sex with his new wife she was there.....He was so tormented with guilt he said he began to valumes (can't spell it) to the point it stopped working and he died...He saw the Lord and God warned he gave him his life back...After he died and came back to life, he immediately divorced OW and went back to his first W, .....OW saw he was dying and left town, never to check to see if he was dead, she planned to come back and collect insurance money after he was 6 feet deep.....However she was disappointed when she found out God saved him and restored his life....well its been 4 years since all this and he still crys about it not in guilt but how God gave him another chance on life and a chance to love his wife all over again, he's a dedicated man to his wife more than ever now.<p>He told me if my wife Divorced me he said don't worry, she'll wrestle daily for a long time and some people can't get right until they fill there desire and come to a dead-end with it all, because ALL affairs are moving away from God and his purpose for marriage.<p>Anyway not all WS's are living high on the hog as they appear...We get envious not knowing whats happening on the bigger picture but if we knew what the end of it all was, I think we go through these things with JOY....Hang in there its tough, but you'll make it...

Thank you for the reply and the stories of people actually regretting what they have done. My exH did act in a way that he was embarassed by what he had done with moving the OW in my house. He also has told me in the past that he has broken down and cried at his parents house over what has happened BUT he never changed his ways or stopped seeing the OW and tried to work on our marriage. He also drinks and I think that this has something to do with what happened. I just couldn't live that lifestyle and tried to get him to stay home more and all that did was make him want to stay out more. Enter the OW she is a barfly so to speak and she fit right in to his lifestyle and made him feel like I was a nag and she was wonderful. I know in my heart that I did everything possible to save my marriage and I can live with that. However, he didn't do a thing except run away and try to find happiness in the arms of this OW. So I hope what you say is true that he is somehow having to live with his choices that he made daily and I also hope that he sees me everywhere he goes especially now that OW is living in my house. I hope she sees me everywhere in that house too. Maybe in time he will come to realize just what he lost but right now it seems like things are just so cozey for the two of them and that hurts the most.

I too wonder if my STBXH regrets what he has done to me and my family. I tend to think that things are all rosey for him and his OW and the brand new house. That's what he leads me to believe. I always hope that his new life stinks! I will always wish him his health.....but as for his happiness with OW.....well, I am not thinking good thoughts. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
HAng in there!
MAX

why.....it looks like he is having a lot of second thoughts and having a lot of guilt for what he is doing. If he is that embarrassed of her and that emotional about what he has done then I think he is asking himself if he made the right decision. <p> I made the biggest mistake of my life when I had my affairs. I regret ever crossing the unfaithful partner line. I have some of the same feelings as the story above.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I had another friend he was a WS at one time, he married the OW and they were married for 3 years but said he was a daily living hell. He said he was tormented with images of his X wife everyday, he said everywhere he looked he saw her face, he go to bathroom she was there, Mcdonalds she was there, take a bath she was there.
<hr></blockquote><p> I see my wife everywhere. Everything I look at she is there. Every image that I think of she is in it. It is true, the guilt weighs so heavy on a WS. When ever I have any idle time I have soooo much guilt of what I did to my wife and kids. <p> So, not all WS are happy in there situation. We are indeed NOT living high on the hog.<p> Needless to say I love my wife with all my heart and soul and would welcome another chance to put my marriage back together. <p> I pray that your husband will come out of his fog soon. By the looks of it he may be coming out.<p> Have you been to the website www.rejoiceministries.org. You may find it helpful for you.<p>
Love in Christ,
Cajunky<p>[ May 27, 2002: Message edited by: cajunky ]<p>[ May 27, 2002: Message edited by: cajunky ]</p>