Since this is happening so fast, I don't know if this is a plan B that can still work and if I am doing the right thing. The first solution she came up with is to divorce me right away so that she could be with him (this is 2 months after meeting). I know her emotional needs are strong now and he is fulfilling them, but I hope that she will miss my needs that I fulfilled in the months aroad when the fog lifts a little. I told her that I understand what has happened here in our relationship and how I wasn't able to meet her needs and I hope she knows that I would do anything to build that back up. I moved our right away (plan b) since I didn't have really any other choice and I hope that the rapid divorce may put some additional guilt/depression in her new relationship so that the fog goes away. I told her to just make sure that before she remarries (she hasn't mentioned this, by the way), to be sure that ALL of her needs are being met and that the chances of its success are so low. She said she's not even thinking about marriage yet because of the same reason. She did say the other day that she isn't sure whether our relationship is something forever or just for the 8 years that we have been together. She told me that she is still not sure that the way she feels now about me is what will happen again in 8 years with somebody else. I told her that it is likely and I asked her to think about how she will deal with the situation next time.<p>I think am at least reaching through to her somewhat (still too early for a fog-lift) but she is definitely still in love with this guy right now and she told me to use this time to find somebody else to make sure that she would be the one I would want to spend my life with. If only it were that easy...I need to close off contact with her but we still have a couple of loose ends to tie up for the divorce. I hope that the divorce doesn't make it harder for us to reconcile (if ever it happens) because there is no longer that binding relationship between us. It seems like there are some stories on here where people have gotten back together after the divorce after they have had time to reflect.<p>What are some of your thoughts on this?

Well, runaway,<p>I want to address some of this with you, since this is kinda where I am w/my WH.<p>It's been a year for us....he moved out and directly in w/ow. He did think, however, that I would want a "No-contest" div. and he would then be "free." Granted, our M had been pretty "dead" for awhile, and neither of us was doing anything to fix that. BUT I also think his thinking about the no-contest thing was the "fog" associated with his new-found feelings for ow. She is an old g/f, btw, so I wonder HOW it can possibly "work out" if it didn't work out once before when they were "free" to try, as opposed to now? But I digress from my original thoughts.....<p>My point to you is that I stalled the Div thingy as hard as I could for ONE YEAR. He didn't budge one iota. He WANTED IT. He wanted it so bad, he could TASTE it. Let me add here that he did NOTHING to faciliate or expedite it!! All he really did was SAY he "wanted it asap...." - He was doing NOTHING to show me this! He never called his atty to move things along any quicker, and there were times when NOTHING HAPPENED! It all happened just b/c the courts have a certain schedule of events that must occur (otherwise, some cases would languish there for years!). I believe ours would have.<p>Anyway, he never really SAID he wanted it. He acted like he wanted it, one year later, in Mediation, YES HE WANTED THE DIV!!!!! I began to "see" that he wanted it b/c he saw it as the thing that was preventing him from his TRUE happiness! It became a GOAL he HAD to achieve in order to GET TO his happiness, which (of course) lies with ow.<p>Well, any day now, div will be finalized. I don't believe he knows WHAT he's doing! I don't believe he will find the happiness he's searching for then. BUT at least then he won't have ME to blame!! I can't be the focus so much on WHY he's not happy. THEN and maybe only then, will he have to examine HIS OWN HEART and discover that his problems and unhappiness is inside of HIM, and it wasn't me, or getting AWAY from me that helped him get his life straightened out.<p>ANyway, in a round-about way, what I am trying to say is, #1 - I beleive it is often good to stall the div stuff as long as you can, BUT when there is nothing more you can do, you've got to let it go, let them go. They have to discover for themselves that YOU are not the cause of all their unhappiness. And #2 - It is often in having what they THINK they want, that they realize it really wasn't the answer to their problems. <p>Then they have to rethink their motivations, and where they are headed, and that is what I think brings MOST of our WS's home.<p>You're learning and doing great! Hang in there.<p>God Bless,

I agree with what lupolady "tried" to say. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] I have reached many of the same conclusions, for similar reasons.